Alright everyone, the deadline is fast approaching for 2024 greeting cards designs,
so I'm going to need them submitted to me by the end of Close of Business today, okay?
Ashley,
I'm giving this reminder specifically for you.
Yes ma'am!
Alright, let's get to work, people!
Christmas day is full of cheer
and in the air, the church bells chime.
There's lots of fun, and lots of beer;
you'd better not leave early this time.
Barry,
what's up with the card that you've just submitted for Valentine's Day?
What do you mean?
Roses are red, violets are blue;
the latter is #0000FF and the former is #FF0000.
What are "oof" and "foo" and why do they have hashtags before them?
They're the color codes for red and blue.
What?
You wanted it to rhyme.
Yes,
but in like a
catchy and
commonly-understandable way.
Well, you wouldn't let me leave it blank.
You should just be glad that I didn't make a fuss about the fact that violets are not actually blue;
they are in fact, violet.
Why do you work here again?
I honestly don't know.
Valentine's Day is special;
it's supposedly about love.
But really, its roots stem back to the early 3rd Century,
during which time, two Christian martyrs,
Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni,
were executed because-
"Every year that the earth goes around the sun with you on it
drains my will to live tenfold.
I'm dying inside and I can't find an escape."
"If you're reading this card,
it means that I've made it through that part of the party where you always tell that same story
from our childhood that makes you look like a hero at my expense.
I dream of the day that story dies,
taking you with it.
Perhaps next year."
What is this?
That's not for... for work that's for a um...
that's for a short story that I'm writing.
Those are just some... some... some basic ideas for a plot line.
It says "card ideas" on it.
Yes.
Yes, that's because the characters in the story are gonna be having um...
a card writing competition.
Yes.
It's a very instrumental
plot
point.
Here's the real one.
"Childhood friends are a gift like no other.
I will forever cherish the memories we've shared
and looking forward to new ones to come.
Happy birthday!"
Much more appropriate.
Keep up the good work.
See?
This is why we keep what's in our head
in our head!
What's up with your new card designs?
What?
Let's see, shall we?
"I was going to buy you a gift card,
but you owe me money, so I didn't."
"Our friendship has become too clingy for me
and we need to chill a bit."
"It's your turn to clean the bathroom."
What?
Those are the things people really want to say on cards.
Well at this company,
we do happy, uplifting messages.
You mean lies?
Whatever you want to call them.
Well then.
As long as we're telling lies...
"You're a great boss."
I enjoyed writing the messages in the cards of this video
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These cards are beautiful!
Thanks.
I did some of them with watercolors,
some were acrylic,
and some were mixed media.
Yeah, they're stunning!
But where are the messages inside?
A picture says a thousand words,
don't you think?
Yeah I suppose you're right, with these pictures! My word...
Would you be able to illustrate for the NTJs and the STJs?
Sure.
Umm...
as long as my art gets credited.
Your art belongs to the company.
What?
Yeah.
Remember I told you at the start when you signed the contract?
This must be what my dad warned me about!
Every corporation is a power-hungry leech
that wants to suck creativity and opportunity from artists!
Are you good?
Yep!
How can I look myself in the mirror now?!
Ashley.
Hey!
What are you doing for lunch today?
I'll probably just eat at my desk.
How are the birthday cards going?
Great!
I'm done!
How many?
One.
"Whenever I think of you, I think of the sky.
Not the blue sky, but the sky at night.
Or maybe just dusk, you know?
Maybe with the moon peeking out and a really good sunset with all the colors coming through.
Blue fading into that pale yellow,
then a bit of pink, and a few clouds with...
vibrant salmon.
Fish are interesting, aren't they?
You could also be like a fish in a pool.
I could see that.
Did you know that salmon are a symbol of wisdom?
You're wise too.
Happy birthday!"
With 12 exclamation marks.
See?!
It fits everyone!
I'm not sure cards are the place to write so much about someone.
Pffff!
Please!
Cards are the best!
They're an excuse to write your entire feelings about someone without any repercussions.
What hurts is when people don't read the message and then
you find it in the bin later that day and
you're trying and ask them about it and they just tell you lies!
Have you been sniffing the urinal cakes again?
Jill, do you have your cards ready?
Yes.
Great.
Jill,
these are all exactly the same.
The only thing you've changed is the date and the color.
I don't see the issue.
Don't you think you should have a little variety and change up the design or something?
That wasn't specified in the parameters that you gave us.
*Sigh*
Well, I suppose we could market these at a discounted value pack or something.
What are you working on now?
My self-review.
Okay. Great.
We'll touch base later.
I completed my assignments on time, meeting all requirements.
My cards can also be sold as a bundle, which increases profit margins.
I also cleaned up after myself in the kitchen, which *should* be relevant.
I also happened to see who left the Vegemite open on the morning of March the 12th,
so if that information is worth something to you,
please contact me at Jill...
[Music playing from card]
It's got a nice party vibe, don't you think?
Yeah!
Have you thought about using a song that people would know?
Yeah I wanted to, but I couldn't,
for copyright reasons.
Oh yeah, of course.
We would need the owner to approve it in order to use it in our cards.
Yes.
That's what I meant.
Okay sorry, I had a few meetings.
Let's work together on that condolence card now.
Oh I already completed it.
Oh you did?
Here it is.
And I already sent out an order to the printing company for a million of those.
Oh.
You did?
Um...
Maybe...
"Get over it."?
This is what you ordered?
Yeah.
What's the problem?
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah...
Where are those urinal cakes?
Hey.
What are you working on?
A Farewell card.
One of those work ones,
when someone's leaving.
It's not quite finished yet, though.
Do you want to hear it?
Sure.
[Deep exhale]
"My friend, you have the purest heart
that marks the passing time.
I offer this, my simple art:
my farewell card in rhyme.
We're crushed to hear you're leaving.
Ash, Barry, Brad and Jill.
But it made for shocking reading
that your hand was in the till..."
Perfect!
I'll put her on her desk!
Bradley!
Have you completed all your birthday and holiday cards?
Yep.
Well, where are they?
Here.
"Quite an interesting year.
The next one will be even better."
What category is this?
All of them.
You can mass-produce and re-use for every year and every occasion.
Whoa, where are you going?
Grabbing a bite to eat.
You wanna come?
No.
We have a meeting in 5 minutes to go over what your self-assessment is for the year.
Oh yeah.
You can use that for that too.
Cheers, mate.
You're nailing it.
Why did I hire him?
Why did I hire half these people?
Hey boss,
can I quickly get your opinion on this?
Of course!
"If you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you,
your year will be perfect."
Nice. But we might want to put a disclaimer on it.
Oh.
What disclaimer?
"This card was written by an ENFJ.
Not an INTJ."
How's this?
"I understand that it is traditional to recognize this occasion.
Consider yourself validated."
Gosh.
That's um...
What occasion is that for?
Ummm...
Four-year-old's birthday.
We can use the same wording for the other ages if you like.
Save time?
Perhaps you should
go on a holiday.
Oh.
I don't holiday.
I think it's important that you do.
Please no.
Don't make me go on holiday.
Don't take my work from me.
Okay.
This has been a really weird day.
One year old.
What
are these?
Well,
I have enough trouble as it is expressing my feelings in a generic enough way for cards,
so I went ahead and described them to one of those art-rendering AI machines.
Your Valentine's Day card has a melting cityscape against a crimson sky, being attacked by...
I think those are bats with scorpion tails?
The technology is pretty new
aaaand yes,
everything that they churn out when I do talk to them about my feelings
does wind up looking absolutely terrifying for some reason,
but it's royalty-free and I like to think that I'm helping to teach machines how to feel!
The birthday card has a screaming anthropomorphic cake on the front.
And the poem on the inside design,
at least the parts that aren't alchemic symbols that move when you try and look at them,
is a rhyming Manifesto about rebelling against creation.
Why did you submit these?
I think people overlook the importance of the symbolic depth behind the occasion.
"I'll cast off this burning crown
of years that mock my short existence.
I shall see this farce brought down
and crush all the resistance.
So enjoy your day of cake;
a new chapter to your story.
Soon, this whole world will shake
and I will have the glory."
It's good, isn't it?
I had no idea that all of this was inside you.
No one does.
Would you like your Easter gift now?
No no.
Let's just make sure that there are witnesses.
Grow up...
shut up...
break up...
How's it going?
I'm trying something different.
My research shows that the soppy stuff isn't selling.
Hmm.
Okay.
What sort of thing?
Engagement cards.
What rhymes with "doom"?
No no.
Remember what happened the last time we tried to use "doom" on a card?
I got a whole bunch of complaints from parents whose children gifted their
grandparents existential crises for Christmas.
I was joking.
Who wrote a card with "doom" on it?
The ENTP.
How did you let that one pass?
I was pretty swamped with work that day.
I signed off on some things that I shouldn't have .
See?
What have I told you about burnout, Frank?
You need to learn how to delegate.
Ugh. Not this again.
Well, if you'd let me usurp you as manager,
this wouldn't be happening.
I'm never gonna let you usurp me as manager!!
One day.
Oh, by the way, I
have something for you.
Just a little card from
us.
[Music]