Clayton: Hey.
It's Clayton and Jack.
And in this video, we're gonna talk about Intuition versus Insecurity.
Now, Jack and I have been talking about this a little bit because there was a question
that recently came in from a woman who had been in a relationship and she was at this
place where she was wondering whether she should open up or not.
What she was faced with was this creeping doubt of "wait a second, is this my intuition
speaking?
Is this guy not good for me?
Should I not be opening up?
Or is this just an old insecurity that's coming up about opening up because I've been hurt
in the past?"
And so, she's trying to unpack and realize, "what is that she should trust versus what
she should actually go through?" which I'm sure a lot of you can actually relate.
So, what do you think about this seems like a pretty common problem?
Jack: Yes.
I think it's a very common problem.
And it's even bigger than just the run old relationship.
This is about how much can I trust certain things in my life?
How can I trust a certain direction?
But I think where it comes up most potently is in this territory, so I am looking forward
to unpacking this.
Clayton: Yes.
It seems like in the run old relationship, there's a lot on the line right.
Jack: Totally.
Clayton: Because you really have the opportunity...
the make the "wrong" decision, you have the opportunity to really get hurt.
If all of a sudden it ends up being an intuition, "Oh man, you know, my intuition told me there's
a red flag here and I didn't follow it.
And now here I am back in the same situation.
I'm heartbroken, taken advantage of, or whatever the case maybe.
Jack: Yes.
Somehow, I just want to share just right upfront was my experience with coaching, people would
sometimes have the best intuition and are the least likely to listen to.
That's the kind of irony in this territory.
"All along I knew he wasn't the right guy and my friends told me he wasn't the right
guy, but I just kept going along with it.
And then eventually he kind of like you know, he kind of like go DIY or walked out of my
life.
And he was seeing another woman all this time."
So, this is like permission to learn how to trust yourself.
It's kind of the deeper context.
And what does that actually take?
Clayton: So, how do you know whether it's intuition or insecurity?
And what I would say, I'd love to hear your opinion on this as well, is for me personally
I know that how I can tell the difference between insecurity and intuition is actually
dependent on where they are coming from within my body.
So, it's not necessarily that they're in the same spot if I actually slow down and really
get present to what's happening one of them feels like it's in my head.
One of them has a really clear story around the consequences that I think might happen
to me.
One typically has to do a lot with the other person and one has to do with me of whether
or not I'm capable.
So, the difference here is typically the intuition for me it comes from my gut.
A lot more my solar plexus.
A lot more from my heart.
And there's not typically a really clear story around why.
It's almost like my logical brain hasn't caught up to the reason why, it's more like a gut
feeling.
Wherein, insecurity feels like a whole complicated story wrapped around it that's logic and analyzed
and they're from the past.
"I don't want this to happen again."
So that's how I can tell within my own system the difference between intuition and insecurity.
What do you think about that?
Jack: Yes.
I think it's great.
So, learning how to quiet the mid enough to distinguish what you're talking about that
becomes the challenge because when the insecurities or doubts come up, they're pretty compelling.
They often have us kind of like physically anxious, just like pacing around and worrying
about something, preoccupied about something... it's not – there's no bodily feeling.
It's like what was the source?
And being able to get present about yourself and say, "Oh yeah had that thought about leaving
me?"
And then suddenly got really anxious and that's not necessarily an intuition.
That's like a schematic response to a mental anticipation.
And you slow it down enough and you notice the inception, you notice the starting point
of something and then...
Yes.
What's it like for you when you do get these intuitions like noticing what actually happens,
do you rationalize?
Do you intellectualize?
Because often the mind will then get in the way of this simple intuition.
"Oh.
I don't want to do this kind of work.
Or like maybe I want this aspect of relationship that I haven't explored."
But normally, there's this very quick like mental interference.
Part of what we're talking about is how to not interfere with your own process too much
so that you can just read it more clearly.
Particularly the things that your intuition is telling that part of you doesn't want to
hear.
That's I think sometimes the gold right.
Your intuition is telling you like maybe this guy isn't good for you but you're like, "But
I love him and I'm improving him and he's going to grow anyway."
Clayton: "He's going to change for me because I'm special."
"Well she's going to change for me because..."
Jack: A part of what we're talking about here is that actually your animal body, it's not
sort of developed a sort of rational powers of human being.
I often challenge people; how does the dog know who to trust?
And not through some mental model that actually just like a visceral thing.
And so, learning how to re-include the visceral part of us because so much of our society
and culture is built here.
They're like waking around thinking here and typing here and it's like, "Oh actually how
can I become you know what I call a 3 sense of human being: head, heart and body?
But just a more integrated human being.
How can I have more of me online because each of our senses has intelligence and intuition
as Clayton said is a gut thing.
It's a bodily thing.
It's not typically a mental thing.
Maybe your heart also knows some things to be true, but I would particularly encourage
you to pay attention to your body.
And intuition tends to have a slower maybe just a little bit more opening quality rather
than kind of a contracting and fearful quality.
But this is an important discernment.
I remember sitting with the then Director of Alternatives in London which is the pretty
much biggest personal growth community in London.
And him saying, you know, I was worried about my relationship at that time.
And I remember him saying, if you could distinguish between fear and intuition like how easy would
your life be?
And it's like yes there's something about that particularly if you're willing to act
on your intuition.
So, this is a huge area.
Clayton: Your intuition is almost like your gut knowing.
Your body is picking up all of these different stimuli and algorithms and it's forming into
a feeling.
Just like the dog just knows who to trust.
It's picking up the feeling of the other person just like "okay either I'm going to follow
this or not."
or the other one sounds like it’s all up here typically and it’s the analyzation
of what's happening.
So being able to distinguish that, it's like it makes life easy.
I would say one of the key pieces for me that has helped me get more into this area of my
body and has made life a hell of a lot easier is been actually taking 15 minutes a day and
meditating and slowing down and actually listening and really getting present to the thoughts
that are going on inside my head versus the feelings in my body.
Because the more awareness I give the thoughts in my mind and the more awareness I give inside
my body, I can see how they're not actually going to collapse.
And that there's a very different feeling to both of them.
So then on the fly when I'm say in a conversation with somebody or something happened that is
unexpected, I'm already oriented in present to the difference between these communication
channels that you're talking about, the head, the heart and the gut.
Jack: Yes.
I like that.
Clayton: Now we talked about off camera the doubt versus curiosity a little bit.
Is there something there how that plays into this?
Jack: Yes.
So, doubt is again likely to be up here in the head and it tends to have a closing contracting
quality like "I doubt he's the right guy for me I doubt this is going to work out."
And oftentimes, we think that's just being smart but being able to distinguish doubt
from curiosity is that curiosity has this kind of opening quality to it.
Like "hmmm I'm curious.
I'm curious where this is going.
I'm curious if he's my guy."
And you know you can take basically the same question but the underlying intention and
way in which it's held off is either opening or closing.
And we want you to open because it's almost like then your question becomes an offering
or a prayer to the universe.
Like ,"Hey I'm curious.
Is he my guy?
Can you like help me out here?
Could you partner with me?
Could you bring any relevant information into my field?
I'm open into it.
I'm here to receive."
Clayton: Beautiful.
So, what I'm noticing then is that this distinguish of doubt versus curiosity, what you might
find is if you’re trying to unmarry the insecurity versus intuition.
You might end up facing a little bit of doubt.
"Oh, I doubt this.
I doubt that."
And what you're suggesting is that actually "great that's a sign right there to move into
curiosity," and be open to what's actually going to happen.
Because you're going to be able to start seeing the full picture which will then allow you
to start tapping into your intuition more.
So, curiosity being a connection into intuition.
Jack: Totally.
Yes.
Allowing your whole intelligence to function.
Doubt tends to cut you off from life.
You feel isolated and anxious.
And a lot of -- here's the challenge, a lot of really smart people avoid doubting.
So, it's like, you know if you think of the typical scientist whose kind of probing and
doubting all the time, what might be a really good strategy professionally, you know lawyers
right.
Lawyers look at contrast and they doubt them.
"That course is not tidy up, let's tidy them up."
So, what you may be rewarded for professionally is actually a poor strategy when it comes
to life, when it comes to death and relationships.
Clayton: So speaking of relationships, if you are a woman and you are watching this
video and you are interested to take your relationship to the next level and you want
to clean up everything in your side of the fence so you can automatically and easily
begin to attract a high quality man into your life where you can be vulnerable and authentic
and someone who's going to walk through fire with you and you can walk through fire with
them, we've got a webinar that we want to and it's right below this video in the description.
It's called the 3 Keys to Relationship Ready.
And you can click on the link below, you can register for a time that works for you.
We'd love to see you there.
We dive deeper into some of this philosophy.
We dive deeper into a number of different concepts that will change the way you see
yourselves in the relationships.
Jack: Yes.
We'd love to have you there.
So just click the link and find a time that works for you.
And let's roll up our sleeves together and do some work.