(Mumbles.) Hellooo, everybody! Wait, hold on, hold on a sec. (Spits out pacifier.)
Hellooo, everybody!
It’s the season of Halloween. Which means we have to talk about the most Halloweeny thing out there...
Monsters!
And in honor of this topic, I am dressed as the most vile monster to ever exist...
Babies!
Last Halloween I broke down the ten best monster tropes out there.
The creme de la creme, the creatures that go bump in the night. Today I'm breaking down the limp soggy turds.
These monster tropes are old, they're tired, they're problematic, and they fucking suck.
Some of you might be upset by the tropes I've chosen for this list,
and I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, I don't give a shit.
I saved the worst of the worst for last. However, I think numbers two, six, and eight
will probably spark the most vitriol. You're welcome.
(The sound of a pen scratching. LOGO.)
Today's topic was requested by one of my patrons over on Patreon, MH Kelly. MH Kelly wanted to hear
both my favorite and least favorite monster tropes. I already broke down my favorites
last year, so it's time to drag some tropes through the dirt. Before I get started,
be sure to subscribe to my channel and ring that bell. I post new videos on Wednesdays
with bonus content occasionally on Mondays. You should absolutely subscribe, because sometimes
I make an absolute ass of myself and dress up in these stupid costumes with pacifiers
and all that good stuff. I do it for you, okay. The least you can do is subscribe.
And if you wanna read some dark and deadly books with none of these tropes, I promise you.
Be sure to check out The Savior's Champion and The Savior’s Sister. They are my number one best
selling dark fantasy romance books. They are available in ebook, paperback, hardback and
audiobook and they're available wide which means they are available at all major retailers. I have
a link below. By now I'm breaking down the ten worst monster tropes, in my completely unbiased
and completely correct opinion. Number One (1): Zombies. I've said it once, and I'll say it again:
enough with the zombies! God! There's nothing inherently wrong with zombies, it's just that
they've been done to death. Pun intended. You know a particular monster is oversaturated, when it has
its own sub genre devoted to it. Zombie fiction boasts hundreds of thousands if not millions of
books, and comics, and graphic novels, and video games, and TV shows, and movies, and oh my god,
we get it. It's just not scary anymore. You can't rub my face in the same formula,
and expect it to have a different result. Normally I'd say do something different with this monster,
but I think when it comes to zombies, I prefer if we just tucked it away in the corner for a few
decades, and let it sit there for a while. It's time for a zombie time out, this bitch needs a
break. On a similar note, Number Two (2): Fairies. We get it, you're horny. First the industry was
oversaturated with vampires, then it was shifters, then it was dystopia, and now it's the fae.
And of course we're not exactly exploring the intricacies and history of fae lore, we're just
writing super sexually abusive hot guys. Thanks, I hate it. I guess that fairies are on trend,
and a lot of writers want to ride the wave, but can we at least do something original with it.
A unique take on what has become a tired and highly problematic trope. Everyone’s out there
getting hot and bothered over the idea of being kidnapped and assaulted by a roided out fairy guy.
And I'm just wondering, what traumatic event happened in your childhood to make you this way?
Who hurt you, and why do you crave habitual punishment? I'm all for more fairy fiction,
so long as we do something else. Anything else. Number Three (3): White is good,
black is bad. You can tell a unicorn is good, because it's pure white. But the Night Watcher
is bad, because it's as black as the shadows. This isn't creating uncomfortable subtext at all. Not
only is this trope questionable at best, it's also lacking in depth. Plus it kind of ruins the
element of surprise. Wouldn't it be really cool if the seemingly angelic looking creature was
actually a murderous hell-beast? And to be honest, I'm biased, because I love the color
black and I would love to see more beautiful black beings. Check out that alliteration. Give me a
black Pegasus or a black phoenix, that sounds majestic and powerful. Besides, if you take a
look at bloodthirsty and peaceful monsters from various forms of mythology, you'll see that they
come in a wide variety of colors. Number Four (4): Aliens that are just humans with wings,
or horns, or blue skin, or scales—whatever it is, they're just humans 2.0. I understand why writers
do this. Usually it's because they want their human characters to fuck the alien characters
without making it look like beastiality. And that makes sense, I guess. But it's not very creative.
Sure, your alien character can look humanoid, but can their internal organs at least be different?
Can they have different sleep cycles or dietary needs? Can they not have a belly button,
or maybe they breathe through their anus? Okay, maybe don't do the last part. The point is, you
don't have to make your aliens tentacle creatures in order to differentiate them from humans.
You've got an entire body and all its functions to work with. I'm sure you can think of something
more creative than purple eyes. Number Five (5): Ableist monsters. You can tell it's a monster,
because it's physically deformed. This may sound like a reach, but think about all of the hideous,
evil, creatures that you've read about or seen in movies and slasher films. And you'll notice that a
lot of them start to fit the equation. Quite often there's a disability associated with the monster,
and that's what makes them a monster. I hate people. On top of that, there have been monster
myths and legends throughout history that people suspect were created to explain away disability,
neurodivergence, and mental illness. Take the myth of the changelings. This is where a fae
kidnaps and impersonates a human baby. You can tell a baby is an evil changeling because they're
distant, and they don't really interact with other human kids. You know, like autistic children. It's
theorized that this entire myth was used to explain away autism. And if that is the case,
that is horrifying. Thanks for othering and dehumanizing people who aren't
neurotypical and able bodied, you pig piece of shit. Number Six (6): He's hot cuz he scares me.
This is a trope that keeps getting recycled with every incarnation of trending monsters. We saw it
with vampires, we saw it with werewolves, we saw it with shifters, and as we've already covered,
we're seeing now with fae. Lovely. We've got a hot monster man who is aggressive, controlling, and
pompous. And our leading lady falls in love with him, and they live dysfunctionally ever after.
I would ask how this could possibly be attractive to the female character in question, but
women are buying these books in droves. So clearly, someone's into it. Further
evidence that not enough people are utilizing mental health professionals. That's not a joke,
I worry about these women. I genuinely don't understand how being scared of your partner is
anything but terrifying, let alone it turned on. I guess the moral of the story is people
are mentally scarred and that's why we have books like this. Number Seven (7): She became a monster,
because she lost the baby. Oh my gosh, I just realized what I’m dressed up as while I cover
this point. That was not planned! Of course that's the reason, because motherhood is the
only thing women aspired towards, and losing a baby is the only trauma we could ever endure.
For what it's worth. I'm sure losing a baby would be beyond devastating, for both a mother and the
father. It's just that I have lost count of the number of ghosts or witches or demonic women
who have gotten their evil start because they lost a baby. And yet, I can't think of a single evil
male monster who got his start that way. And like I said, it's a valid form of trauma,
it’s just been overdone to the point of cliche. Women are traumatized for millions
of reasons that don't involve teacup humans. Think of another reason your female monster
devolved into the nefarious creature she is today, or I will lose interest immediately.
Number Eight (8): Dragons. I know you're pissing your pants over this one, but try not to get it on
the floor. I don't hate dragons. There isn't anything wrong with them. And I've enjoyed
plenty of books that feature them. I'm just not gonna pick up a book because of a dragon.
Cuz there's always a dragon. Dragons are the crabs of the fantasy world. They're everywhere, and it's
kind of annoying. It's even worse when fantasy writers call them drakes. I get why they do it,
but come on. You're putting lipstick on a pig. It's like spelling magic with a K. Stop pretending
to be fancy, their sky lizards. I just think there are a lot more interesting monsters to feature.
Dragons are a low hanging fruit. There are lots of great stories that feature dragons. I'm just very
eager to read something new. Number Nine (9): We don’t get to see the monster. I know why writers
do this. Hiding the monster creates suspense and intrigue, plus it's a whole lot scarier when you
don't know what’s hunting you. But at some point, eventually, can we see the mother fucker? I guess
so frustrated when we reach the end of the book and we never get to see what the creature truly
was. I want details, dammit. It just feels unfair. You built all this suspense with no payoff. You
may call it stylistic or a metaphor, but I call it bullshit. And last but certainly not least,
Number Ten (10): Monster fuckers. Why is this a thing? Why, why? Actually I know why, so please,
please don't answer this question. I blame Beauty and the Beast for this. What makes it worse is
there tends to be a gender discrepancy with this trope. It's women who got a fuck the repulsive
animalistic monster. When Captain Kirk fucks an alien, she's just a pretty green woman. Meanwhile,
female characters are out here fucking Bigfoot and dinosaurs. Wanna get railed by a Yeti? No problem.
Fucka a fish? Del Toro is delighted. The only exception I've seen to this discrepancy is Chuck
Tingle’s work, and that man is a treasure. Keep writing about horny space raptors,
I support you. But otherwise I am done with monster sex. It is gross, and oddly sexist,
and I can't take it anymore. So that's all I got for you today. A huge thank you to MH Kelly
for requesting today's topic. If you'd like the chance to have a video dedicated to you,
or if you want access to tons of other rewards, check me out on Patreon. You get early access
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(Sensual Female Voice) Hello, dove! It's me, Cosima!
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