Have you ever noticed that the types of men or women you date seem vastly different from
the types of men or women that your best friend dates?
If you noticed that, did you ever stop and ask yourself how that choice occurred?
It's easy to assume that your friend was choosing from the same pool of potential dates as you
were and simply made a different conscious choice based on their preferences, but the
truth is that both you and your friend had very little conscious choice at all.
In reality, you both just fall into those relationships with very little if any conscious
effort because your sub-conscious was making all the decisions.
So what if your sub-conscious keeps picking duds for you?
The good news is you can change the partners it selects for you, but you've likely been
going about it all wrong this whole time.
Stay tuned and I'll show you why.
There is a simple law of attraction that nobody speaks about, and yet it is the most powerful
force I know of in the dating world:
We are attracted to, and we attract partners who are a perfect reflection of whatever we
are experiencing deep down inside of our emotional worlds, and you can't hide from it.
No matter what we try to change externally about ourselves, we will keep being drawn
to, and drawing towards ourselves the same kind of partners...
Sure you could make yoruself more attractive, wealthier, learn to be more funny and charming,
and sure enough you will attract MORE people and feel more popular, but all those potential
dates will still reflect your inner world.
My recent experience the last 2 years perfectly demonstrates this:
For most of the last 10 years, I've been a non-alocholic man who has run his own company
and has been very confident and self-assured.
When I would walk into a bar with a group of friends, I would almost by magic meet women
who didn't drink much, who were extremely confident, intelligent, and opinionated, and
wouldn't suffer weakness in others easily.
It's not like I met lots of shy insecure drunk women as well but passed them up to date the
confident ones instead...
No, it was as if those kinds of women simply didn't exist.
Then, 18 months ago I got quite sick with an illness that would prove to take over a
year to recover from.
It drastically impacted my emotional state and self-confidence.
However as a dating coach I was still able to meet lots of women, but all of a sudden
the women I was meeting were completely different - The majority of women I'd meet were Nurses,
or compulsive helpers whose self-values often came from helping men who were going through
crises in their lives - Women who were softer and kinder than the ones I used to date.
Again, it wasn't like I had a CHOICE in the women I was meeting, it was almost like all
the women in the world just changed personalilties all of a sudden.
As a dating coach, Ive worked which a huge variety of men and women, and I repeatedly
hear phrases like 'all women are like X, because every woman I ever meet has been just like
that" And there's almost nothing I can say to dissuade the because they've only ever
met women who confirm their theories.
It's particularly heart breaking when I meet someone who believes that all men or women
are physically or emotionally abusive and every new person they date turns out that
way as well, so they assume that's 'normal'.
The great news is that we DO have the power to change the kind of person we date, it just
requires us to learn about ourselves and spend some time growing alone as people first.
The first question you need to ask yourself is "what has the type of people I've been
dating telling me about my internal emotional state?".
Only when you have some answers to this question can you begin to work on it.
For example - I used to date head strong women who were highly assertive in part because
i had stopped allowing myself to be vulnerable because I used to see vulnerability as weakness
- So I would attract women who wouldn't accept vulnerability in me either.
Not only could this prove to be traumatic for me when I had moments of weakness or self-doubt
(something we all have at times), but it made it almost impossible for me to grow past this
bad belief because I always had women around re-affirming it for me.
It was only upon introspection as a single man, that I found the insight and strength
to challenge that negative emotional belief.
I should point out that just because your inner demons may have caused you to be treated
terribly in past relationships, does not mean you deserved to be treated badly.
It simply means you had an emotional blind spot that was causing you to date toxic people.
In short, the better balanced you are emotoinally inside, the higher quality partner you'll
attract to yourself.
And there is absolutely no way to avoid the hard work and circumvent the system.
Have you ever had a dramatic shift in your life that changed the kind of dates you met?
I'd love to hear about it in the comments below.
And as always be sure to subscribe to my channel so you don't miss out on my three new videos
every week.