TONIGHT, SIX STATES HELD THEIR PRIMARIES, INCLUDING ONE OF THE
AREAS HARDEST HIT BY THE VIRUS, WASHINGTON STATE.
LUCKILY, ALL OF THEIR VOTING IS DONE BY MAIL.
BUT THERE IS SOME WORRY THAT THE MAIL-IN VOTES THEMSELVES COULD
BE A SOURCE OF CONTAGION, SO THE STATE JUST INTRODUCED THIS
ACTUAL NEW SLOGAN ABOUT THEIR BALLOT ENVELOPES:
"WHETHER HEALTHY OR SICK, PLEASE DON'T LICK."
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S BETTER THAN THE LAST ELECTION, WHEN THEY WERE
BATTLING AN S.T.D. OUTBREAK WITH THE SLOGAN, "PLEASE DON'T SLURP
IF YOU'VE GOT HERP.'"
THAT'S-- THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE ALL THE TIME.
THAT'S GREAT ADVICE.
SOUND WISDOM, JEREMIAH.
THAT'S NOT ALL THE BIG ELECTION NEWS.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF:
IN >> I BEAT TRUMP!
>> CORN POP WAS A BAD DUDE.
>> BING, BING, BONG, BONG.
>> "FURY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE: 2020."
THE SHOWDOWN TO FIND A PLACE TO SIT DOWN.
THE GLOVES OFF.
THE DENTURES ARE IN.
TWO OLD MEN ENTERS, ONE LEAVES.
COME ON, GO!
IT'S FURY ROAD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OKAY.
I HOPE THEY'RE OKAY.
THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY IS DOWN TO JOE BIDEN AND BERNIE SANDERS,
AND AS OF TODAY, PROJECTIONS AT fivethirtyeight.com SAY
JOE BIDEN'S CHANCES OF WINNING THE NOMINATION ARE 99 OUT
OF 100.
( AS BERNIE )
( LAUGHTER )
ET TU, METAMUCIL?"
OLD MEN NEED FIBER!
BUT JOE SEEMS INTENT ON BRINGING DOWN HIS OWN ODDS.
TODAY, WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN AN AUTO PLANT IN DETROIT, HE WAS
CONFRONTED BY A PRO-GUN VOTER, AND HE DIDN'T HANDLE IT ALL THAT
WAY.
>> YOU ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO DIMINISH OUR SECONND AMENDMENT
RIGHT AND TAKE AWAY OUR GUNS.
>> YOU'RE FULL OF (BLEEP).
>> Stephen: WW!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WOW, JOE, WHAT HAPPENED TO MALARKEY?
COME ON, THE LAST THING WE NEED IS ANOTHER PRESIDENT I HAVE TO
BLEEP.
BIDEN TRIED TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO THE VOTER, AND IT ALMOST LED
TO FISTICUFFS.
>> I SUPPORT THE SECOND AMENDMENT.
I'M NOT TAKING YOUR GUN AWAY.
AT ALL.
YOU NEED 100 ROUNDS-- >> WHEN YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE OUR GUNS-- >> I DID NOT SAY THAT.
THAT'S NOT-- I DID NOT SAY THAT!
>> IT'S A VIRAL VIDEO.
THAT'S A VIRAL VIDEO LIKE THE OTHER ONES THEY'RE PUTTING OUT.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
TAKE YOUR AR-14.
>> THIS IS NOT OKAY.
>> DON'T TELL ME THAT, PAL, OR I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND SLAP YOU
IN THE FACE.
>> Stephen: WOW!
HE IS THREATENING TO FIGHT A VOTER!
WE HAVEN'T SEEN THIS KIND OF ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE CAMPAIGN SINCE
WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON'S TIPPECANOE AND NUT-PUNCH TOO!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BIDEN'S TEAM IS AWARE THAT THE ONLY THING THAT CAN STOP JOE
BIDEN NOW IS JOE BIDEN.
SO THEY HAVE A BOLD NEW STRATEGY:
SHORTER SPEECHES.
IN FACT, WE HAVE A PREVIEW OF HIS NEW STUMP SPEECH.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> BARACK OBAMA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WITH CHARLES BARKLEY.