- [Jay] Back in the day there was a video from Motownphilly.
Remember, A-B-C B-B-D Boyz 2 Men?
Remember that? At the very end of the video,
there were five white guys in front like this.
And it said, coming soon: Sudden Impact.
That's what we were telling girls.
We were Sudden Impact.
(dubstep music)
(growling)
(breaking glass)
(audience cheers and applauds)
- [Ari] Thank you everybody.
So if you don't know, here's what the show is.
It's just a bunch of funny people telling like,
100% true stories. Ladies and gentlemen,
my friend and yours, mister Jay Larson everybody.
Let him hear it.
(audience cheering and clapping)
- [Jay] Before I get into my story, I'm gonna tell
you guys the pre-story to the story
that I'm gonna tell, okay? So what happened was,
when I was a sophomore...
Freshman in high school going on into
my sophomore year in high school.
it was the summer. Me and my buddies decided
how do we spice up the summer time? You know what I mean?
And we all decided how 'bout we rent a limousine
and we go up to Hampton Beach?
Hampton Beach is this divey little beach
in New Hampshire. Guys drive by in T-tops.
With like ground effects and gold chains.
Kinda like this dude with the glasses.
That's the kind of vibe up there.
And we were gonna go up there and try and scoop chicks.
That's what we did at that age.
You play games. Video games like the claw machine,
get cotton candy, and try and talk to girls.
So we're like, alright. 10 of us, we'll get
a six pass. That's short for passenger.
And we'll ride up there in this limousine,
but how are we gonna explain to girls
why we have a limousine?
And I go, I got an idea. Why don't we tell 'em
we're in the band Sudden Impact?
Anybody know that band Sudden Impact?
Of course you don't.
Of course you don't. (audience laughs)
But back in the day, there was a video from Motownphilly.
Remember, A-B-C B-B-D Boyz 2 Men?
Remember that? At the very end of the video,
there were five white guys in front like this.
And it said, coming soon: Sudden Impact. He knows.
(audience laughs)
That's what we were telling girls.
We were Sudden Impact.
Because here's the genius. 10 of us, six passenger limo.
We break off. So four guys would go off looking for girls.
Six guys would roll around as Sudden Impact.
Then two would shuffle out, two back in.
Another Sudden Impact. It was so sudden guys.
You have no idea how sudden it really was.
So me and my buddies, we're out there. We're searching.
I see a girl, I meet her, we start talking,
we hit it off. I think we were next to a Q*bert machine.
(audience laughs)
We're vibin', so we're walking around.
I tell her about Sudden Impact. She's impressed.
I get her in the limo. We're driving around in the limo.
As we're driving around, I realize I really like this girl.
I think I'm gonna come clean about the whole
Sudden Impact vibe.
Now we got the split window to the driver right here.
And my friends in the back with other girls over there.
So I say to her, I'm like, listen. I'm feelin' a vibe here.
I'm not really in Sudden Impact.
And she goes, "No, I know."
And as I say that, my buddies down this end of the limo
are all going, (sings "Motownphilly" by Boyz 2 Men).
(audience laughs)
With a hard sell. I mean, a hard sell.
And they sounded horrible, but every girl's like,
"Oh my gosh, Sudden Impact.
"When are we getting the cassette?"
That's how early it was.
(audience laughs)
Anyway, I hit it off with this girl.
We vibe, I get her number. All my buddies, we're all
going home. We all met girls. Great time.
We're excited. We're freshmen, gonna be sophomores.
On the ride home, limo breaks down.
Okay. We had to call our parents on payphones
because it's a long time ago.
(audience laughs)
And tell them, hey, gonna be late. Limo broke down.
Limo broke down. Everyone calls.
And we all decide as a group. We're like,
yo, this is ridiculous. We paid for this limousine.
We should get reimbursed our money
because the limo broke down.
And so all of our were like, yeah, that's a good idea.
So we go to the guy. Like,
hey man, ya know we think we should get some money back
because the limo broke down.
The guys goes, "Talk to my boss. Can't give you
"any money, but what we can do is take you out next week
"and run the whole thing back.
"Get the whole limo a whole other night,
"come back to Hampton Beach."
And we were like, done deal.
(audience laughs) Done deal.
That's were we leave off.
Now I'm gonna give you the rest of the story.
Which is the B story, but really the A story.
You get it goatee. He knows...
(audience laughs)
So it's the summer before my sophomore year
in high school. Freshman year's done.
Okay, I got through it. We're about to crush it
in sophomore year.
I'm walkin' up...
You guys know where I'm going.
You guys know I'm going back to Hampton Beach.
You know it.
I'm walking up to the center of my town
because one of the guys at the pizza place
I worked at was gonna drive me back to
Hampton Beach. Okay.
So I'm walking though my town, it's like
nine o'clock in the morning.
I get a radio for work. I'm gonna drop it off at work.
And as I'm walkin' up through town,
a black caravan pulls up next to me with "Kiss 108"
written across the side. That's the local FM station.
It's really 107.9, but they go with 108.
It's a little more effective.
Kiss 107 point...
You don't get it. You don't get that...
So they go with Kiss 108, okay.
They pull up to me and the guy...
There's a guy driving and the guy in the passenger
seat is dressed as a gorilla. Okay.
And they go, "Hey man."
And I go, hey man.
And they go, "We're with Kiss 108."
And I go, yeah man.
(audience laughs)
Saw it. Saw it pull up in the neon.
And they go, "Are you familiar with the Gorilla
"in the Morning contest?"
And I go, yeah man. Of course.
Had no idea what it was.
(audience laughs)
Just saw a gorilla sitting in the passenger.
That's all I saw.
And they go, "Okay, so you know every morning
"we give out a number on the radio
"and then if we find people we give you a number
"to choose between and either you know it
"or you guess it and you can win that dollar amount."
And I was like, yeah, of course.
No big deal. Let's do it.
The guy goes, "Okay, the number's between 3200 and 3600."
And I was like, 3468.
3468. I was pretty confident about it.
(audience laughs)
And they go, "Is that your guess?"
And I go, yeah, that's my guess.
And they go, "Okay."
Pull out the car phone.
Got the cord to call the station.
Get me on the radio.
As they're calling, a blue caravan pulls in
behind this caravan with like
a little soccer mom in it.
And she starts waving me over.
So I go, hey, I'll be right back.
And they go, "Whoa, you can't talk to that woman.
"You're in the middle of a contest."
And I go, that's my aunt.
She's getting married in two weeks.
And they go, "Alright, go ahead."
(audience laughs)
Not my aunt.
So I go to the car. I go, what's goin' on?
What's goin' on?
She's like, "Are you in the Gorilla
"in the Morning contest?"
I go, yeah!
She goes, "Doú you know the number?"
I go, no, do you?
She goes, "Yeah!"
I go, what is it?
She looks at me, pause, she goes, "3402."
I go, boom. Go back to the caravan.
They go, "That woman can't help you."
I'm like, I know man. You told me.
They're like, "Alright."
Give me the phone. They're like,
"Okay, you're on the radio."
The guys goes, "It's Matty in the Morning."
He runs the morning show. He's still there today.
He's still doin' it. (audience laughs)
And he goes, "Hey Jay, this is Matty in the Morning."
And I'm like, hey Matty.
It's a pretty big deal. It's Matty in the Morning.
(audience laughs)
And he goes, "Jay, where you at?"
And I go, I'm in Stoneham, Mass.
And as I'm on the car phone,
people are driving by.
This is how small town is.
Honking the horn like, hey!
I'm like, hey! Like I'm a celebrity.
(audience laughs)
And he goes, "You know we're doing the
"Gorilla in the Morning contest."
I'm like, we sure are.
And he goes, "Alright Jay. You know it's between
"3200 and 3600. Do you have a guess?"
And I go, I sure do.
And he goes, "What is it?"
And I go, 3402.
In the studio, they're going nuts.
Noise machines, I think streamers are goin' off.
In the caravan, different vibe. Different vibe.
(audience laughs)
Driver's pissed. Gorilla took his head off.
Head's gone. (audience laughs)
I mean, he's smokin' butts. Smokin' butts in my face.
They're like, "We told you that woman couldn't
"help you. I told you that. We told you that.
"Didn't we tell him that?"
The guy's like, "We told him that." (blows)
(audience laughs)
This guy's just an intern. Who knows what his deal is.
Like he's got any authority.
I just look at him, I'm like...
What do you want me to do man?
And they go, "Welp, we're gonna see what Matty says."
And I got a little attitude, I'm like,
yeah, let's see what Matty says!
(audience laughs)
I got rapport with Matty.
They get Matty on the phone.
Matty's like, "Listen Jay, they told me
"what happened. They told me that woman
"helped you. We told you, it was in the rules
"you couldn't do it. But, we did it on the air.
"We're gonna honor the contest.
"We're gonna give you the money."
I go, Matty, that's great man. I appreciate it.
And he goes, "But I think you should give
"that woman some money."
And I go, yeah man. I cut her in for 50%
before she even said 3402.
(audience laughs)
Matty didn't like that so much.
Now Matty's not a big fan either.
So these guys are like, "Alright man."
They hate my guts.
They're like, "Alright man, let's fill out the paperwork."
I'm like, alright.
Name, address, and they go, "Alright,
"what's your social security number?"
And I go, uh, I don't know.
And they go, "What do you mean you don't know?"
I go, I don't know.
And they go, "How old are you?"
And I go, I'm 14.
And they go, "Dude, you gotta be 18 to win this contest!"
(audience laughs)
And I was like, dude, I look 18? Alright.
(audience laughs)
But the woman from the caravan is still there.
And I go, what about her? Can we use her info?
They're like, "Yeah, we'll use her info."
They get all her info and so do I.
Because I called that woman every single day
for the rest of the year. Trying to fi--
You get that money yet? You get that money yet?
Do you know what's going on here, guys?
That's a lot of money.
A lot of money.
Everyday, she doesn't have it yet.
Doesn't have it yet.
Three days before school starts, she calls me.
She's like, "I got the money."
I was like, boom. I'm workin' at the pizza place.
Why don't you come up on Saturday morning
and you can give me the cash.
She goes, "Okay."
I'm coming up the stairs, I remember clear as day.
Coming up the stairs, I have a stack of dough bins
above of my head. She comes in.
She's like, "Hey!"
Has a white envelope, sticks it in my pocket and goes,
"Have a great school year."
I'm like, alright, take care.
Drop the dough bins, open it up.
11 one-hundred dollar bills.
3402 after taxes. They kill you with taxes, bro.
(audience laughs)
2200 after tax, you gotta split it. Okay.
$1100. I'm making 150 bucks every two weeks.
That's like 42 million dollars.
(audience laughs)
To a 14 year old.
And I'm pretty good with my money.
So I called my buddy right away.
And I said I'm off work at five, what are you doin'?
He said, "Nothin'."
I said, perfect. We're goin' to Marshall's.
Yeah, we're goin' to Marshall's.
(audience laughs)
Daddy needs some school clothes.
He met me. I filled that...
I was buying things I didn't even need. Okay.
A yellow suede jacket? You think you need that?
No, you don't.
(audience laughs)
Filled it up. Had the cart stacked.
Had the blue flag. I'm excited.
Get to the checkout. I'm giving everything
to the woman. She's ringing it through.
She's like, "hmm!" Very impressed with my money.
Had it all out.
As I'm paying, my mother storms in the back.
And she goes, "What are you doing!"
And I go, I'm gettin' school clothes!
And she's like, "That money's supposed to be for college."
And I go, I need school clothes!
What's more important?
Sophomore year, it's a big year.
(audience laughs)
She goes, "Fine, but I'm taking the rest of the money."
I said, fine. Take it.
I dropped 368 bucks. At Marshall's is like 17 grand.
(audience laughs)
First day of school.
You know what I wore?
Orange silk shirt.
(audience laughs)
Second day of school...
Green silk shirt.
(audience laughs)
Third day of school, I can't remember.
But I'm pretty sure it was fresh.
And that woman saying to me, 'have a good school year'
was the understatement of a lifetime.
I crushed it.
(audience laughs)
Thank you guys so much. Appreciate it.
(audience applaud and cheer)
(dubstep music)