- You know I love kids. Everybody knows I love kids.
You know what I love even more than kids
uh, is famous people.
And, uh, recently I had my friend Mark Wahlberg
sit down with some kids to talk to them
about the birds and the bees.
'Cause I thought, "What could go wrong?"
And it turns out several things.
[laughter]
Enjoy.
[upbeat music]
- Hello. all: Hi.
- Don't eyeball me, boy.
So, listen, do you know that I'm
an Academy Award nominated actor?
[upbeat music]
My name is Mark Wahlberg.
If you want to call me anything, you call me Mr. Wahlberg or sir.
Okay? You call me the General.
All right?
All right, do you know why we're here today?
- Why?
- We're gonna talk about the birds and the bees.
- Do you know what the birds and the bees are?
- Yes, boyfriends and girlfriends.
- Close, look...
do you guys have any brothers and sisters?
all: Yes. - All right.
- I got one big brother and one big sister.
- I didn't ask you that yet, Liam.
I'm gonna have to tell you only speak when spoken to.
Can you follow instructions? - Yes.
General. - There you go.
Okay, so I have five brothers.
You know, you guys ever heard of my brother Donnie?
- Donnie, yeah, he's on "Blue Bloods."
- He is on "Blue Bloods." Have you ever seen it?
- Yeah. - Oh, I haven't,
but I heard it's very good.
I have four kids of my own,
and that takes a lot of time and attention
and a lot of money.
All right, who knows where babies come from?
- Your mom's belly.
- How did the baby get in there?
- Uhh?
- All right, I'm gonna explain it to you, okay?
If Francis and Pat wanted to have a baby,
and Francis said, "Okay, I got this baguette,
and I'm gonna put it in Pat's corn chowder."
[laughter]
And then they're gonna have a baby.
- Hmm. - That sounds awkward.
- What's another word for making a baby?
- Pregnant?
- No, that's what happens when do you the act
of making a baby.
Have you ever heard of whoopee?
- What? - No.
- Doing the nasty? - No.
- Get your freak on? - No.
- What's my name? - General.
- You better be in my crew now, okay.
Jonathan, you want to be in my crew?
- Yes. - What's my name?
- General. - All right.
What do you want to do if you're in my crew?
- Mmm.
- Liam, you want to count the money?
- Mm-hmm. - All right.
Jonathan, you want to stack the paper?
- Yes.
- Have any of you guys ever done time?
- Hmm? - Like time in math?
- If two people love each other in prison,
that's called a conjugal visit.
Can anybody say that? all: Conjugal visit.
- So what happens when people decide
that they want to make a baby?
You want to draw it for me?
- Hmm, I-- - Come on.
Take whatever color you want.
- Chelsea-- ladies first, man.
Put that back, man.
See, you're already in my crew, so you're already doing
all that gangster [bleep].
[laughter]
A man and a woman making a baby.
What do they do? - Draw it?
- There's the booty.
Is that the ovaries?
Whoa, you really know a lot, Jennifer.
Okay, are you guys ready? Time's up, time's up.
Time's up. Liam?
Oh, that's nice.
Look he's got the flowers. He's presenting her flowers.
Let me see yours, Chelsea. - I don't know.
- She's like, "I'm gonna do this on my own.
I don't need no baby daddy."
Oh, wow, the French guy has got the two, uh,
pizza makers chasing him down.
All right, well, that's close.
And this is what? Oh, the ring.
They getting married, yes.
I don't think we need mine.
[laughter]
- Let's see. - Don't worry about it.
- Forget about mine.
All right, Liam, let's roll.
You got the front seat.
Jonathan, stack the paper, okay?
- Yes. - Let's go get this money, boys.
Let's roll, man. What are you doing?
Let's go. Come on, man.
Get the door for the General.
You guys know-- know "Optimus Prime"?
- Yes. - What about "Ted"?
- Oh, oh, I like "Ted." - Yes.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
- Oh, Mark, thank you so much.
Ugh, and I apologize to those kids.
Mark's movie "Daddy's Home"
is in theaters everywhere Christmas day.
We'll be right back.