[Can one be mindful while being connected to social media and smartphone applications?]
[How does this affect our deep listening skills?]
My other question regards the use of media in general.
I wonder if one can be mindful
while at the same time one is connected, as most of us are nowadays,
to the social media, smartphone applications, etcetera.
I also wonder how this is affecting our deep listening skills.
We believe that the smartphones,
and the internet, and the emails
can help us connect with each other.
But communication has become more difficult,
even with these electronic devices.
Even if we hear the news several times a day,
even if we communicate with each other several times a day,
that does not mean that real communication is possible.
We still do not understand each other,
we still do not understand the suffering en difficulties of others,
we still continue to blame each other.
So, --
many electronic devices
are helping us to get away from ourselves,
and do not give us a chance to be with ourselves.
There is suffering, there is fear, anger in ourselves,
and we not have the time and the way
to handle the suffering inside of us.
We can not communicate with ourselves,
in fact we're trying to run away from ourselves.
We can not listen to ourselves,
we can not help ourselves to suffer less.
So, how can we understand another person,
and help him or her suffer less,
even if he has a lot of electronic devices?
That is why mindfulness is very important.
It helps us release the tension in our body,
and help us to go home to our self without fear,
in order to recognize the suffering inside,
embrace it, and begin to understand it.
Understanding our suffering,
we understand the suffering of our father, our mother,
our ancestors, our people.
That understanding brings about compassion that has the power to heal, to transform.
When we get lighter, when we get healed,
we can help other people around us to do the same,
to get the healing and transformation,
and we can do that without any electronic devices.
The power to listen,
to understand and to restore communication
and reconcile
is possible.
When you understand your own suffering,
you reconcile with yourself easily,
you reconcile with your father, your mother, your ancestors easily,
because your suffering carries within itself
the suffering of your father, mother, and ancestors.
When you understand your suffering,
when you have reconciled with yourself,
then it's much easier to understand the suffering of the other person,
of the world, and reconcile with them.
When you look at them, you're able to see the suffering in them.
They do not have the capacity
to handle the suffering.
They continue to suffer,
and that is why they make people around them suffer,
even when the people around them are those they love.
So, when you look at them,
and if you see the suffering,
that so far there is no one who has helped them
to handle the suffering in him or in her,
suddenly an understanding arises in you,
and compassion is born in you.
Then you can look at him or her with compassion,
you don't suffer anymore.
You want to do something
to help that person suffer less.
You want to say something to help him or her suffer less,
because you have some amount of compassion within yourself.
With compassion in your heart,
you can talk to him or to her
in such a way that can help him or her suffer less.
You can say: "Darling, my friend,
I know that you have suffered a lot in the past ten years.
There's a lot of suffering in you,
there's a lot of difficulties in you,
and in the past I have not been able to help you to suffer less.
In fact I have reacted angrily
and with stubbornness that made you suffer more.
I'm sorry.
It's not my intention to make you suffer.
My dear, it's just because I did not see the suffering in you.
I did not understand the suffering in you, the difficulties in you.
So, please darling, help me.
Tell me what is in your heart.
Tell me about your suffering, your difficulties,
so that I will understand.
I believe that, if I understand your suffering,
I will not react the way I have in the past, and make you suffer anymore.
Please help me, tell me what is in your heart."
That kind of speaking, we call loving speech,
and you can do that if you have compassion in your heart.
Compassion is possible when you understand the suffering in that person.
When you speak like that, the other person will open his heart to you.
With the tool of loving speech, you can open the heart of the other person,
and she will tell you the suffering, the difficulties in her.
Then you practice deep listening,
and compassionate listening.
When you listen with compassion, you help the other person suffer less.
One hour of compassionate listening can help someone suffer much less,
and you may be the first person in the world to listen to him or to her.
You are a Bodhisattva of deep listening. You are Avalokiteshvara.
To listen with compassion, you have to learn in order to do.
When you sit and listen,
you have to keep compassion alive in your heart in order to do so.
Because while speaking
the other person may have a lot of bitterness
or accusation or blaming,
and may touch off the irritation, the anger in you,
and you loose the capacity of listening.
So you have to clean yourself for many days.
When you listen to him or to her, you have to practice mindful breathing,
and remind yourself that the purpose of listening to that person
is only to help him or her suffer less.
So, even if what the other person says is full of wrong perception,
you will not interrupt and correct
because that will ruin the session.
You tell yourself:
"Well, he is full of wrong perceptions,
full of bitterness and anger,
but I am not going to interrupt him.
I just listen to help him to suffer less.
And several days later,
I may provide him with some information
so that he can correct his perception,
but not now.
So breath in and out,
and remember to keep your compassion alive,
then you can listen for one hour or more with compassion.
That can be very healing.
According to our experiences,
practicing four or five days of mindful breathing,
and looking into the suffering of yourself and of the other person,
can already allow you to practice deep listening,
compassionate listening and loving speech.
Because we have organized so many retreats in the world,
and in every retreat
people learn the art of deep listening and loving speech.
The miracle of reconciliation always happens in our retreats.
On the fifth day,
they have to put into practice
the teaching of deep listening and loving speech.
If the other person is in the retreat, that is easy,
but if the other person is at home
then you can use your telephone
in order to practice loving speech and deep listening.
And in our experiences many have used their phone,
and reconcile with their father or mother at home, after the retreat.
It's very effective,
the practice of loving speech and deep listening,
and that is the object of the fourth mindfulness training
that many of us have received from the sangha.
This is the art of restoring communication.
It is the art of reconciling, and --
you don't need a lot of electronic devices,
you need only your in-breath, your out-breath,
your capacity of looking deeply into your own suffering,
into the suffering of the other person,
and finally you need loving speech, tender speech,
and deep listening, compassionate listening,
and you can transform the whole situation
in just a few days
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