Hey there. This is clay with modern love.life. In this video, we're going to be talking about
what your ex is thinking after a breakup, as well as what their whole experience is
like during this whole process. I know that many times it can seem very opaque and difficult
to actually understand what your ex is thinking or experiencing through this whole journey.
Um, many times what they seem to be doing is not actually in alignment with how they
feel or what is going on in their mind. So we're going to be talking about this and I'm
explaining to you what's going on with your ex. So obviously initially after a breakup,
your ex is probably going to feel a sense of relief, you know, for most breakups. Um,
this is something that has been building up for a while. There's been some sense of dissatisfaction
or some sense that this relationship isn't working and, um, you know, many times your
partner has to work up the courage to actually break up with you. And so they kind of sit
with this thought for
A while. Is it really that bad? Maybe
We can make things work. I don't know. Maybe it's just in my head, I'm not sure. Maybe
like this is maybe normal stuff that normal couples deal with. Right. And so it goes from
that to like, okay, maybe, maybe this isn't right. Maybe I could, you know, get into a
better relationship. Maybe something else is better out there and they're getting this
preparation ready for this breakup to happen. And so obviously after the breakup happens,
there's a sense of relief. Okay. Whew. I did it. It's done. I can breathe a sigh of relief.
This thing has been hanging over me for, you know, days, weeks, months, but okay. I finally
did it. So that's the first thing that your ex is probably feeling after a breakup is
a sense of relief. The second thing that they're probably thinking or feeling after a breakup
is some sort of actual disappointment.
This can be a little bit surprising for people, but it's true. You know, your ex is going
to feel at least a little bit disappointed. We all get into a relationship hoping for
the best hoping that we can, you know, somehow make it work, hoping that this can be the
relationship that's going to last us for the rest of our lives. This is going to be the
great romance that we're going to be in until the day we die. And you know, maybe that is
true. But when you have a relationship that doesn't work out, that falls apart for some
reason or other, it can be emotionally disappointing, you think, okay. You know, I thought this
was going to be the one. I thought that this was going to be the great relationship that
I was going to have for the rest of my life.
I thought that we were going to somehow make it work. And, uh, when you realize and come
to terms with the fact that, okay, this wasn't, it, you're going to feel a little bit disappointed
because you probably went into that relationship hoping for the best hoping that this was going
to be the relationship for you. And so there is this sense of disappointment after you
come out of that other side, by the way, if you're liking this video and if you like these
other videos that I do, please make sure you hit that thumbs up button for this video.
It does help us out on YouTube and it does help us out with the algorithm. So that's
a free way to support this channel is to hit that thumbs up button. Okay. So, uh, sign
number three, that your ex is thinking after a breakup and, you know, stick around to the
end because number five is going to be able to weird.
So just go ahead and stick with us, but I'm sorry. The thing number three is they're going
to feel a bit of prideful stubbornness. Okay. You know, they've gone through this process
of building up to this breakup. They've gone through this process of working up the nerve
to actually do it. And once they actually hit that decision point of breaking up with
you, there's going to be this sort of stubbornness that kicks in, okay, this is what we call
the law of consistency. That is to say they have done something break up with you. So
they're going to act consistently with that previous action. That's just say, they're
going to defend their, um, uh, choice to break up with you. They're going to act consistently
with someone who has broken up with you. They're going to search for reasons to justify that
action. And they're going to continue to act consistently with this.
Now at this point, a lot of people might say, okay, that means that's it like, there's no
breaking the law of consistency. There's no possible way they can change their mind. Not
true. You know, we've talked about many other, uh, in many other videos on this channel,
how your ex may change their mind, how they go through this process of changing their
mind. Um, and it definitely can happen, but you are going to be up against this sort of,
um, um, upward, um, you know, going against the stream, kind of, uh, energy here as you
go against this law of consistency. Now, what you want to do is obviously slowly change
your ex's mind and the way that you do this is through focusing on the emotional connection.
You probably heard me say this on many videos on this channel, but the most important thing
that you can focus on is the emotional connection.
I know that there are so many things that we can get sidetracked on. You know, who's
initiating first in text messages, uh, rebound relationships, long distance emojis that people
are saying, who said this, who said that all that sort of stuff. But if you just focusing
on the emotional connection, that's where you want to, you know, really dial it in on
because we make decisions based off of how we feel. Even, even though your ex is probably
very logical. You know, many, many times I work with people and they say, yeah, my ex
is so logical. They have zero connection to their emotions. Um, um, and even those people
make decisions with their feelings. I promise you if they do, they just sort of rationalize
whatever choice they made later on with their mind. But, um, what you want to do is you
want to work on the emotional connection first and foremost, because as the emotions start
to shift
Their, uh, rationalization hamster is
Going to start, uh, recontextualizing things in order to make sense moving forward. Okay.
But yeah, you want to focus on the emotional connection, by the way, if you want to learn
more about how to actually focus on the emotional connection, we do have our video playlist
on the advanced relational skills. It is right up there. A lot of times people have said
it's been really helpful for them. It's been sort of the foundation of what we've taught
for the past know 10 years or so, um, that we've been, you know, helping people with
relationships. And since we've released the X solution program, which is our, uh, core,
um, course and core product, um, when it comes to helping people get back together with their
ex, uh, which we, you know, put together, we had our first customer in may, 2011, uh,
Kenny, by the way, it was his name.
Um, but, uh, uh, yeah, that, that happened about 10 years ago. And, uh, we've been helping
people since then with, with breakups and relationships and all that stuff. So, um,
ESP, uh, advanced relational skills, those are the core foundation of what we've been
teaching here. But, um, anyway, moving on, uh, the fourth thing that your ex is thinking
after a breakup is a search for validation building off of that law of consistency and
building off of that, uh, validation seeking, you know, kind of behavior, is them looking
for some sort of evidence that they made the right choice. You know, this is why your ex
often paints you in a poor light after breakup. They say that you were this war, this terrible
person, this, this awful person, even though it may not even be true. I mean, sure. Maybe
there's some truth to it. Absolutely. I don't know the specifics of your, of your situation,
but, um, you know, they may sort of twist
Add to stretch the truth a little bit.
And the reason why is because they're trying to justify their choice, they're trying to
say, okay, I made the right choice in ending this relationship. It was the right thing
to do. Um, and you know, if you, if you just look at my ex, um, you know, they, they were
a constant liar. They could never be trusted, um, all that sort of stuff. Maybe that's not
exactly the truth. Maybe it's a little, little, little bit of an exaggeration. Um, and that
is because they're basically just looking for some sort of story to tell themselves
that they made the right choice. And this is where you get a lot of this sort of petty
behavior that often comes after a breakup. Now you may, you may not get this depending
on your ex and their personality and all that. But, uh, you know, you may get some, some
behavior like them trying to make you jealous them, trying to make it seem like their life
is better off than yours or something like that. Because they're trying to tell themselves
this story of like I made the right choice. I made the right choice, look at how I have
this amazing
New rebound partner. Who's like a millionaire supermodel, uh, all that stuff,
Um, or, or look at, look at how I made the right choice, look at how you're desperate
and jealous and all of this stuff I made the right choice by breaking up because you know,
you clearly don't have it together. Um, so there, there's often this validation seeking
of behavior that they, um, look for when it comes to moving forward, because they want
to know that they made the right choice. Now, sometimes this may just happen in their own
mind. Sometimes they may take it out into the real world and try to elicit certain responses
from you by posting things on social media or whatever. But, um, they, they are basically
looking to tell themselves a story that they made the right choice. And the fifth thing
that your ex is thinking through all of this, by the way, if you, if you like all this information
that we're giving out, uh, please make sure that you're on our email newsletter.
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last thing that we're going to be talking about in this video that your ex is thinking,
I mean, it could be thinking anything, but the last thing that your ex is thinking after
a breakup is, they're just kind of curious about how you're doing, you know, the two
of you were in a relationship in one way or other your lives were entwined together. And
as this relationship comes apart, there's going to be a natural curiosity for them to
be like, Oh, how are you doing with all of this? Um, how are you handling all of this
now, granted, you know, yes, some of this is going to be that search for validation,
but there's also that part of them that still cares for you in a certain way, that still
remembers all of the positive reasons why the two of you got together in the first place.
And it's this sense of curiosity that, um, is really Dem that, that sort of habit that
the two of you have from your relationship of turning toward one another and saying like,
Hey, how are you doing with all of this? How was your day? How was that thing that happened
to you? Let's connect let's, let's, let's see how this all went and there's going to
be that part of them that wants to just turn towards you and say, Hey, this is really tough.
Hey, I don't know how we're supposed to interact with one another moving forward from here.
Hey, I don't know what this is supposed to be like, Hey, am I supposed to be feeling
this way? Are you feeling this way too? And there's going to be this curiosity about how
you're doing. Um, and that is that's one reason why other people on other channels may, you
know, recommend that you use things like the no contact rule as your sole tool, because
they're trying to leverage this sense of curiosity. You know, if you just fall off your ex's radar
for a month or whatever, um, they may get curious and just be like, Hey, what's going
on? How are you doing? How does this whole month or whatever been for you? Are you, are
you having a hard time? Like I am or whatever. Um, and that can happen. Of course, I don't
necessarily agree with the whole no contact thing
That it should be your only tool that you always
Have to do it. If you, you know, just do it, just trust the plan, just that wait for your
ex to crawl or broken shards of glass, et cetera. Um, but, uh, you know, that, that
is one thing that it can leverage if you are going to do it. But anyway, uh, once again,
I hope you found this video helpful, hit that thumbs up button for the algorithm. And if
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take care and I'll talk to you in the next video.