- So a guy you're dating ends things.
What is the first thing that you're gonna wanna do?
You wanna pick up that phone and text him your feelings.
You're gonna go on Facebook, see what he's doing.
Who the (bleep) is he talking to?
Who's he tagging, who's he liking?
You're gonna strategically bump into him at his favorite bar
as if, wow, you didn't even know he was gonna be there.
But I'm here to tell you that is a (bleep) bad idea.
You wanna go no contact for a specific amount of time
and do it very strategically.
Here's why.
(upbeat music)
Hey there, my name's Adam LoDolce from SexyConfidence.com,
where I help the 21st century woman
create a love life that she absolutely freaking loves,
and this is all about doing the no contact period
either during a breakup or if a guy stops talking to you.
So let's talk about what a no contact period is.
I talk a lot about this in Heal Your Heart and Win Him Back.
You can find that at WinningHimBack.com.
And this is kinda like the basis of my entire program
is giving 21 days of no texting, no talking to him
no calling, no seeing the guy
if he broke up with you or he ended things.
And this is hard to do
especially when you get broken up with,
especially if it was a longterm relationship,
because all you wanna do is bring that person back.
But this really does work,
and this is a very powerful way to be able
to get a man back into your life
if that's ultimately what you want.
But also, even if you don't want him back in your life,
it's also just a very healthy thing to do
right after a breakup.
So here's a few reasons why this is very important.
Number one, it wins your power back.
When you get broken up with,
you tend to lose all power, right?
Because that person ended things
but you didn't want it to end.
So this is really important because now more than ever,
we have phones, and we are more connected with one another
than ever in all of human history.
We have a direct connection to anyone at any time,
and any time we feel an impulse to just text that person,
we can do that.
But this is why the no contact period is important,
because you gain power back
if you decide not to use the phone,
if you decide to just wait and hold back,
because he's going to be wondering,
"What the hell's going on here?"
Number two is you allow time to heal.
You heal your heart,
you're allowing time to kind of go through
the grieving part of a breakup,
and that can be hard to do,
but it's really important right after a breakup.
It's gonna allow you to address the situation
in a much better and healthier way.
Number three is you let new energy back in.
Here's the thing, after a breakup,
there's so much negative energy.
Even if you were the one who broke up with someone
or he broke up with you, it's just not a good thing, right?
No one's feeling happy after a break up,
no one's feeling good after a break up.
I've been both broken up with
and I've broken up with other people,
and never have I felt just like positive energy after it.
So the no contact period allows you
to allow positive energy back into your life
and be able to not only open it up to other people,
your friends, your family,
but also allow yourself to just go out there
and talk to other people, meet other people,
and realize that, (bleep),
there are other options out there.
Number four is you kill the fantasy
of the perfect relationship.
When a relationship ends, what do you do?
You fantasize about that person.
You fantasize about how perfect that relationship was,
and you're only of course thinking about the good things
that occurred in the relationship.
But I've found that once you give about three weeks,
four weeks of time to kind of let it all settle down,
you start to remember
all the (bleep) that really went down.
You start to remember all the fights,
you start to remember all the sketchy (bleep)
that he used to do,
you start to remember why the relationship
may have ended in the first place.
And many times by killing the fantasy
and allowing this time of healing,
you are allowing to kind of come back
to reality a little bit.
Number five is you stop reliving the mistakes
over and over and over again.
Sometimes when you're broken up with, what do you do?
You start texting that person, you wanna reach out to them,
and what does that person do?
They keep breaking up with you
over and over and over again,
because they want it to be over,
they want to move on,
they want to do something else with their life
at that point in time.
So by creating this no contact period,
what you're doing is you're allowing yourself
to kind of like reframe your life a little bit,
you don't have to relive all that (bleep)
that occurred in that relationship.
Number six is you take time to grieve.
At WinningHimBack.com,
I talk about the five stages of grief
when you go through a breakup.
And if you can understand how grief really works
when you're going through a breakup,
it's going to allow you to get past that
and through that in a very healthy way.
Number seven, it stops you from looking
completely (bleep) desperate.
Keep contacting your ex after a breakup,
and you know what you look like?
Desperate. Have dignity, have respect.
I mean I remember many years ago I was dating this woman,
we were seeing each other a pretty short period of time,
like one to two months.
It was never even like official that we were together.
And I ended things.
That was my thing is I would always call someone,
let them know if something was over
even if we weren't in a relationship.
I thought that that was important.
But I remember after I called her,
I remember she would literally text me every single night,
like two, three times,
for about 10 to 15 days after the breakup.
And I swear, every single text that she sent,
when I received that, it was just another reminder
and another reason for me
to not even consider getting back together with her.
Number eight, it allows you to remember
that life is good even without your ex.
You can find throughout that three week period
that, look, being single is okay,
and it can actually be pretty fun.
And finally number nine, it really allows you
to find yourself again and rediscover your identity,
and what makes you (bleep) awesome.
So clearly I'm a huge proponent
of the no contact period
after a breakup or after someone ends things,
and I'd love to hear from you.
Do you agree?
Is the no contact period really important?
Leave a comment right there below.
And also if you'd like more help
being able to overcome a breakup,
get out of what I call breakup hell,
and be able to either get your ex back,
or be able to go ahead and find someone even better,
go ahead and head on over to WinningHimBack.com.
You can go, we'll put a link right here on the screen,
or you can click the link in the description.
And when you go to that website,
you're gonna learn the three ways
that you can really get through this period in your life.
And also if you enjoyed this video,
please give it a like on YouTube,
and don't forget to subscribe on YouTube
for more videos just like this every single week.
Thank you so much for watching,
and I will speak to you, you sexy, single lady, next week.
Bye bye.