The Storage Wars myth of finding the coolest and most valuable treasures simply by opening
the right locker is about as realistic as The Goonies.
Here are the reasons why what you see on the show is anything but reality.
Dave Hester, one of the stars of A&E's Storage Wars, not only told the world the show was
fake, he laid it all down in a lawsuit he filed against the network in late 2012.
According to ABC, Hester filed the lawsuit because he said A&E fired him for complaining
about all the fakery.
Hester alleged wrongful termination, unfair business practices and breach of contract,
and made it very clear in his suit that the show is staged:
"[The] defendants…would like the public to believe that the Series presents a genuine
and accurate portrayal of the abandoned storage locker auction process.
The truth, however, is that nearly every aspect of the series is faked."
There's always been speculation that Storage Wars and other reality TV programs are fake,
but when a reality star actually comes forward and says so on an actual legal document, it
can get kind of hard to keep suspending that disbelief.
Hester's lawsuit referred to a "contest" and "contestants," and seemed to allege that Storage
Wars is a game show that's been rigged.
A&E, on the other hand, said the show is protected by the First Amendment, which basically gives
producers the right to run it however they like.
"Does it really matter if the games are rigged?
No!"
"The games are rigged?"
"Yes!"
It's kind of a strange argument that, essentially, lies are protected by the First Amendment.
A&E seems to basically be admitting that it's all just a ruse.
But it does make a certain weird kind of sense if you also consider that scripted dramas
don't have an obligation to tell the truth.
Really the only thing that separates reality television from scripted television is perception.
You might suppose that reality TV is supposed to be real, but there aren't any laws that
say it has to be.
Hester did not initially emerge triumphant in the suit, but it wasn't because the judge
decided the show was on the up-and-up.
The judge actually decided that all the fakery was fine, because it was, quote, "expressive
free speech."
According to Screener, the judge ultimately decided that Hester wasn't specific enough
with his accusations of wrongful termination and threw out the case, but he also said Hester
could refile, with a more specific accusation.
That's what Hester did, and in July 2014, the case was finally settled for an undisclosed
amount.
The settlement really only addressed the accusations of wrongful termination, not the fakery accusations,
so reality TV can just go on doing what it's always done.
Because if fake reality television is simply "expressive free speech," then there really
isn't any expectation of honesty between reality TV producers and their audiences, at least
legally.
Here's the punchline: According to International Business Times, after the lawsuit was over,
A&E welcomed Hester back to the show.
Hester was a popular character, and before his return, the show's ratings were on the
decline.
Plus, on-screen conflict is great for reality television, and you can't really sue your
employer and come back to the office without some residual tension lingering around.
"This is America.
I can say whatever I want."
Beyond that, there are some more sinister reasons why keeping Hester close is probably
a good thing for the network.
We've already seen what happens when he's not working for A&E.
Under contract, he's probably more likely to refrain from ratting out all the fakery
at his first opportunity.
What better way to make sure a former employee stays loyal than to make him an employee again?
The show's producers are used to the accusations.
The summer before Hester filed his lawsuit, executive producer Thom Beers defended the
show during a panel discussion sponsored by the National Geographic Channel.
When one of the panelists said something about the rumors that the containers on Storage
Wars were, quote, "salted," Beers said,
"Nope.
I can honestly tell you that the stuff found in those containers are found in storage containers."
His statement left a lot of wiggle room.
If the stuff was bought at antique stores, then transported to storage containers, then
technically that statement would still be accurate.
Beers also went on to say that they might have 20 or 30 auctions, and occasionally just
combine their finds into one locker so they don't have to film all the lockers individually.
That's not exactly "salting," but it isn't reality, either.
In that same National Geographic panel, Beers also admitted to scripting interviews with
cast members.
It was excused as a substitute for narration, because no one likes to listen to those deadpan
off-camera narrators.
Beers said:
"I have to admit: There's some writing involved.
We do it in Storage Wars, we do it in America's Lost Treasures…I'm so tired of narration
driving story."
Stars are given about half their lines, according to Beers, so they can tell their own stories.
That seems like a minor offense compared to some of the other things Storage Wars has
been accused of.
And anyway, it's not like anyone was actually fooled by the stellar acting chops of the
Storage Wars stars.
"Are you guys gonna be able to rummage through stuff in dresses like that?"
"We can rummage through anything with anything on."
On the other hand, is it reality if it's scripted?
And more importantly, is reality more important than the quality of the entertainment?
According to Business Insider, Hester lobbed a whole lot of accusations at the show, and
one of those was that instead of just letting the drama unfold, the network would sometimes
pay for the lockers bid on by less experienced members of the cast so the playing field would
be even.
So while the bigger, more established storage locker moguls were using their own money to
invest in lockers, the smaller businesses were depending on A&E to keep them in the
game.
Admittedly, it wouldn't be much of a war if one of the armies had an overwhelming advantage.
Plus, if you're going to let your "weaker" cast members go bankrupt on bad purchases
or get constantly outbid because they lack capital, you're going to have an unsustainably
high turnover in your cast.
So from a pragmatic standpoint, this is probably one A&E's lesser accused crimes.
According to Business Insider, Hester's lawsuit also weirdly called out another particular
act of fakery, claiming:
"Nearly every aspect of the Series is faked, even down to the plastic surgery that one
of the female cast members underwent in order to create more 'sex appeal' for the show."
That particular accusation led fans to speculate about who went under the knife.
It does seem like kind of a low blow on Hester's part.
The show might be fake, and one of the women on it might have had plastic surgery, but
it seems like there's plenty of ammunition against the network without having to drag
other cast members into it.
Before the stars of Storage Wars can find treasure among the cardboard and Rubbermaid,
there first must be an auction.
And the auction has to be fun and exciting, or viewers will say forget it and watch Better
Call Saul instead.
"Saul Goodman?"
"Yeah, it's like, 's'all good, man.'"
"That guy has a lot of energy."
Hester's complaint claimed A&E would often fake the auctions themselves.
The suit stated:
"While on location filming an auction, Defendants also film footage of the cast members and
the public bidding when no actual auction is taking place, in order to make it appear
that any of the cast members is bidding at any given auction, whether or not he or she
is actually bidding on the unit."
There's some other, lesser fakery related to the auctions.
For example, the cameras follow cast members as they leave before the end of the auction,
presumably to inspect the contents of the locker they just bought, but the winning bidder
usually isn't allowed to see the inside of the locker until the day after the auction.
According to Radar Online, the accusations of "salting" aren't unfounded.
There is a paper trail that shows stuff was planted inside storage lockers.
A source with behind-the-scenes knowledge reportedly approached the outlet, claiming:
"There are invoices, checks, and other documentation where the production company actually compensated
cast members for supplying items that were planted in the lockers and then 'discovered'
on camera."
The source explained that cast members would charge A&E a rental fee if they would put
their own valuable stuff in the storage lockers to later be found.
Because this was essentially a business transaction, there are receipts and invoices and checks
that provide evidence of fakery.
Another anonymous source, speaking to NPR's On the Media in 2012, said he was acquainted
with someone whose job was to purchase the antiques that the producers would then plant
in the storage lockers.
Sometimes, producers would even have things appraised weeks before the cast members actually
"discovered" it on camera.
The anonymous reality television employee who spoke to On the Media also had some damning
things to say about the appraisers themselves.
He said the show would bring items found in lockers
"...to appraisers, which were not always, or even often, actual appraisers...And knowing
that ruins the excitement of the show."
So: the auctions aren't always auctions, the items found in the storage lockers aren't
always found in the storage lockers, and the appraisers who decide the value of the items
aren't actually appraisers, and therefore probably don't know what they're talking about.
Also, the stars say lines fed to them by the producers, and the whole thing is tainted
by network cash.
What channel is Better Call Saul on again?
"And that includes the nine airings at 3:20 in the afternoon on channel KWBV.
That is a prime slot!"
Anyone who has ever owned a storage unit can tell you what a normal storage unit actually
looks like: It's full of spiders, everything is covered in dust, the boxes have all been
haphazardly piled because it's really just junk that you don't want to deal with right
now, and the monthly storage fee seems worth it compared to losing a weekend decluttering
when you could be half asleep on your couch watching Storage Wars.
If you pay attention to the show, you know that neatly arranged storage units tend to
have elevated chances of containing valuable items.
And if it's true that the storage units are salted, it seems logical that they're also
staged to fit the narrative.
Before there was Storage Wars, there was Antiques Roadshow, the original television series for
finding out the value of an attic knick-knack, and the best way to watch people attempt to
be gracious as a polite appraiser crushes their dreams by telling them that the terrifying
doll they found in Grandma's basement isn't worth a wooden nickel.
Antiques Roadshow has actual antiques and collectibles cred, and guess what, they totally
think Storage Wars is fake.
Antiques Roadshow executive producer Marsha Bemko [BEM-koh] said in an interview,
"It's an entertainment show."
She added that she thinks shows in the genre help generate interest in antiques, which
is ultimately good for her show, too.
She also pointed out that the appraisers on Antiques Roadshow are more likely to provide
a fair assessment of the items that are featured on the show, since they don't have a financial
stake in the buying or selling of those items.
One of the show's appraisers added,
"I think it's also important to remember that those shows are totally staged…Is it really
reasonable to think that someone on 'Storage Locker Wars' is going to find a $100,000 item
that somebody left in a storage locker?"
The show isn't called "Storage Locker Wars," but point taken.
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