DID YOU SEE THIS WEEK’S GAME OF THRONES? IF SO, YOU’LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY
HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT. OF COURSE, YOU COULD SAY THAT ABOUT MOST EPISODES OF GAME
OF THRONES, BUT I’M TALKING ABOUT SEASON 5, EPISODE 8, AKA “HARDHOME”. NOW BEFORE
WE PROCEED ANY FURTHER, LET ME SAY THE NIGHT IS DARK AND FULL OF SPOILERS, SO IF YOU’RE
NOT UP TO DATE, MAKE LIKE GENDRY AND ROW ON OUTTA HERE. OKAY, ARE YOU SLOWPOKES GONE?
GOOD GET OUT OF HERE. LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS FROSTY MOFO RIGHT HERE. HE LOOKS PRETTY IMPOSING
RIGHT WITH HIS CRAGGY BLUE SKIN AND CHILLING STARE AND HIS POSE AT THE END OF THE EPISODE
WHERE HE BASICALLY SAYS “COME AT ME, SNOW” WHILE RAISING HUNDREDS OF RECENTLY SLAUGHTERED
CORPSES FROM DEAD. BUT WHO IS HE? WELL, TODAY ON THE DAN CAVE WE’RE GOING TO TELL YOU
EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE NIGHT’S KING.
FIRST AND FOREMOST, THE BIGGEST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE NIGHT’S KING IS THAT
HE HASN’T EVEN APPEARED IN THE BOOKS YET; HE’S ONLY BEEN ALLUDED TO. SO WHEN HE SHOWED
UP ON THIS WEEK’S EPISODE, EEEEEVERYONE LOST THEIR MINDS. WE FIRST SAW THE NIGHT’S
KING LAST SEASON WHEN HE TRANSFORMED AN ADORABLE BABY INTO A WHITE CRAWLER, WHICH IS MY NAME
FOR A WHITE WALKER THAT HASN’T LEARNED HOW TO WHITE WALK YET. SO CUTE! HBO GO ACCIDENTALLY
LEAKED THE CHARACTER’S NAME LAST YEAR, WHICH WAS A MAJOR REVEAL. THOUGH THE CHARACTER HASN’T
APPEARED IN THE BOOKS, HE HAS A LONG HISTORY, DATING BACK TO THE EARLIEST ERA OF WESTEROSI
HISTORY THE AGE OF HEROES, LIKE SOME SORT OF FRIGID KING ARTHUR.
ACCORDING TO LEGEND, THE NIGHT’S KING LIVED DURING THE AGE OF HEROES, SHORTLY AFTER THE
WALL WAS COMPLETED, SO, HE’S ROUGHLY 8,000 YEARS OLD. BUT HE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD I’VE
GOTTA SAY. LIKE APPROXIMATELY 50% OF THE GAME OF THRONES POPULATION, HE WAS A FORMIDABLE
WARRIOR. UNLIKE 50% OF THE GAME OF THRONES POPULATION, HE WAS NAMED THE THIRTEENTH LORD
COMMANDER OF THE NIGHT’S WATCH. FOR CONTEXT, JON SNOW IS THE 998TH LORD COMMANDER. SO YEAH,
IT’S BEEN A MINUTE. WHEN HE VENTURED BEYOND THE WALL, HE FELL IN LOVE WITH A MYSTERIOUS
WOMAN WHO HAD “SKIN AS WHITE AS THE MOON AND EYES LIKE BLUE STARS” BUT “HER SKIN
WAS AS COLD AS ICE.” HOWEVER, LOVE HAS A COST IN WESTEROS, AND WHEN HE FINALLY CONSUMMATED
THEIR LOVE, IT COST THE LORD COMMANDER HIS SOUL. BUT I GOTTA SAY, NICE, BRO. TOTALLY
WORTH IT.
TAKING UP RESIDENCE IN THE NIGHTFORT -- YOU REMEMBER, THE CASTLE WHERE BRAN AND SAM CROSSED
PATHS IN SEASON 3? ANYWAY, I HEAR IT’S JUST LOVELY THIS TIME OF YEAR. THE NIGHT’S KING
DECLARED HIMSELF KING AND HIS PALE LADYLOVE HIS QUEEN, AND THERE THEY RULED FOR THIRTEEN
LONG, TERRIBLE YEARS DURING WHICH HE PERFORMED ALL MANNER OF BLACK MAGIC, HUMAN SACRIFICE
TO THE OTHERS, AND WAS GENERALLY A REAL PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE. I GUESS YOU CAN SAY, HE’S
FULL OF WIGHT POWER. OH WAIT, NO NO NO NO, NOT THE RACIST KIND. W-I-G-H-T. I MEAN, HE
MIGHT BE RACIST. WE DON’T REALLY KNOW. I MEAN… OH GOD, IS HE RACIST TOO?
EVIDENTLY IT TOOK THE COMBINED FORCES OF JORAMUN, THE WILDLING KING BEYOND THE WALL, AND THE
STARK KING IN THE NORTH TO BRING HIM DOWN AND END HIS REIGN OF TERROR. AFTER HIS DEFEAT,
HE BASICALLY BECAME A VOLDEMORT-STYLE FIGURE. ALL MENTIONS OF HIS NAME WERE FORBIDDEN, AND
HE WAS EFFECTIVELY SCRUBBED FROM THE RECORD. ACCORDING TO THE STORIES OLD NAN USED TO TELL
BRAN STARK BACK AT WINTERFELL, WHEN HE WAS ALIVE, SOME BELIEVED THAT THE NIGHT’S KING
MAY HAVE BEEN A BOLTON, AN UMBER, A FLINT, OR A WOODFOOT. HOWEVER, OLD NAN SAYS THE NIGHT’S
KING WAS ACTUALLY A STARK OF WINTERFELL, THE BROTHER OF THE KING OF THE NORTH AND THAT
HIS NAME WAS….WAIT FOR IT….BRANDON. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN! YEAH. SURPRISING MUSIC.
NOW WHETHER OR NOT HE’S A PART OF THE SADDEST FAMILY IN WESTEROS ASIDE, THE NIGHT’S KING’S
APPEARANCE ON THE SHOW HAS REVEALED THAT HE CAN COMMAND ARMIES OF THE UNDEAD, RAISE THE
DEAD TO DO HIS BIDDING, AND IF HE IS OF THE SAME CALIBER AS HIS GENERALS, CAN ONLY BE
KILLED BY DRAGONGLASS OR VALYRIAN STEEL. WHY VALYRIAN STEEL? WELL, IT’S ALSO KNOWN AS
DRAGON STEEL, SO MAYBE THAT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. BASICALLY, THE NIGHT’S KING
MANAGED TO ESCAPE AFTER HIS DEFEAT, MAKING A FELL PACT WITH THE OTHERS TO COMMAND THE
WHITE WALKERS AND THE ARMIES OF THE DEAD. WHETHER OR NOT THE OTHER WHITE WALKERS CAN
RAISE THE DEAD, HOWEVER, REMAINS TO BE SEEN. REGARDLESS, I’M SURE WE’LL FIND OUT WHAT’S
GOING ON WITH YE OLDE NIGHT’S KING IN THE WINDS OF WINTER, WHICH IS COMING OUT SOON,
RIGHT GEORGE RR MARTIN? WAIT, YOU’RE ONLY ON WHAT CHAPTER? OH GOD.
SO TELL ME, WHEN DO YOU THINK WE’LL NEXT SEE THE NIGHT’S KING? DO YOU THINK HE’S
A SECRET STARK? DID I MISPRONOUNCE JORAMUN? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW AND WHILE
YOU’RE THERE, GIMME AN ICE COLD THUMBS UP.
THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY’S SHOW. JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I TALK ABOUT THE GROUNDBREAKING
SAGA OF TWO JOURNALISTS UNCOVERING A BLACK OPS GOVERNMENT AGENCY DEDICATED TO FINDING
ALIENS AND CRASHING HELICOPTERS IN ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN IN BLACK HAWK DOWN. UNTIL
NEXT TIME, KEEP ON DIGGIN’.