[YMS] So now Val starts getting cyberbullied by a ghost.
[clip] This is fucked up! You hear me?
[YMS] Apparently it censors something that she perceives as a threat.
Our main character's response to this is about as obnoxious and stupid as usual.
"Mitch! Mitch! What'd he send her? Why aren't you answering me? Whèèèwhèèèwhèèè!"
Why on earth would he even know this? So Val's response is to call the police.
And with the amount of numbers she pressed on the keypad, we can tell that she didn't even consider calling the non-emergency line.
[clip] I'm calling. [YMS] "Hello 9-1-1. Help, I'm being cyberbullied!"
So Val leaves the call and we're left to assume that the 9-1-1 operators took her completely seriously.
All those heart attacks and gunshot victims have just got to wait on hold for their turn.
So now everyone else in the call decides that what they're seeing is incredibly stupid and that they should probably just turn it off.
[clip] - Let's just hang up. Let's just hang up. - Let's just get out of here.
[YMS] Possibly as a symbolic representation for what you should be doing as an audience member.
[clip] Wait.
What?
I just got an e-mail from him.
[YMS] So now she's trying to forward the e-mail to the fat nerdy character, because supposedly, he can trace the IP address.
No idea why she hasn't just clicked the Instagram link. She was just too scared.
Wait a minute, I thought it was April 12th and also a Monday.
Did the ghost do this? Does this date have any significance within the film at all?
I mean, it does make her lack of recent Facebook messages a bit more believable,
so maybe the movie just changed a bunch of shit and then forgot about it?
Your guess is as good as mi-- Oh my god, the ghost removed the forward button!
Man, this is one scary movie. That right there just gives me the chills.
So Blaire has no idea what the fuck she's doing and people start to get a little impatient with her.
[clip] Oh my god, Blaire. Do you know how to use a fucking computer? Fucking open it!
[YMS] Hey, remember when Facebook wouldn't let you unfriend Laura
and then you refreshed the page and then everything was fine again?
Do you maybe wanna try that one seeing as how you're having a very similar issue. NO???
Nah, instead she starts screensharing to her friends so that they can tell her what to do.
Okay, so now we're screensharing. And then they stay awkward and silent for a long time until:
[clip] Click the fucking link, dude! [YMS] Right?
So now we see a picture from Laura Barns' screen where now everyone can see that Val told Laura to kill urself.
I don't care how rude urself is, that is an unacceptable thing to say!
Now everyone in the Skype call watching her screen immediately condemns Val's actions.
[clip] Val, you're fucking sick!
[YMS] Because apparently, taking a picture of a screen featuring an image
that could easily have been photoshopped is evidence enough.
[whisper] They're not very smart.
I like how nobody's questioning how that image could have been taken from the perspective of Laura Barns' profile.
Unless the events leading up to now was all it took to convince them that there's a ghost in the computer.
Now Ken decides to make a rather edgy joke.
[clip] Laura fucking sucked. She was a big bully, okay? And she deserved all the shit she got from that video.
[clip [frustrated groaning] That person's just a big, big bully! Oooh! Aah!
[YMS] So our main character responds by sending Mitch a private message showing her disapproval of Ken's joke.
No real reason why she's typing it though, because she NEVER TURNED OFF HER FUCKING SCREENSHARE!
The movie completely forgot about it over the course of 70 seconds.
You're not just sharing a specific window, you're sharing your entire screen.
Why don't you say that out loud instead, Mitch? Everybody can see it.
Why didn't you just type: "Uh, Blaire, you fucking idiot, you're still screensharing, remember?"
"Hmm, you know what? Maybe this information is a bit too personal insensitive to become public knowledge.
I think I'm gonna backspace this and send him something else. Aah, there we go, much better!"
You fucking idiot, you are still screensharing!
Maybe Mitch is just playing along in the hopes that she won't notice. Maybe nobody has the heart to tell what a fucking moron she is.
So now we see Laura's pre-suicide video, which seems to parody Amanda Todd's suicide video. Isn't that a little bit in poor taste?
I mean, especially if you want to be an anti-cyberbullying film and you're going to beat us over the head with the message anyway?
[clip] There's the other part of it that's somewhat representative of our society today that cyberbullying can go that extra distance,
and this could be a direct, like, repercussion of that, so do you think there's an underlying message there?
- About cyberbullying? - Oh yeah, absolutely.
This film does have a lot to say in terms of social commentary on the way we communicate and on cyberbullying.
It touches on important issues like bullying. How do you think those very real issues are represented in this film?
It's very conducive to our lives.
[YMS] So now Blaire gets a message saying that if she hangs up, all of her friends will die.
So her response is to immediately blame Mitch for no reason.
"You fucking asshole! You're always so mean to me! Why would you do this?"
She then almost sends him the message she received, but decides not to.
Kind of pointless, considering you never stopped screensharing.
I guess best-case scenario is that the video froze while she was screensharing,
and either Blaire just telepathically knew it would happen or she's a giant fucking idiot!
Let us not forget that the entire movie is her operating her computer,
and yet, she apparently does not even know how to use one.
Also apparently she doesn't know how to use keyboard shortcuts. "What is Command-C?"
Apparently, there's an extra spirit at play here and she's being possessed by a grandma.
Wait a minute, why is your default search engine Yahoo now?
The film clearly showed that it was Google, like, 15 minutes ago. Did the ghost do this? Why is everything wrong?
Oh, by the way, since we're here again, I'd like to point out the one part of the film that I actually liked.
While she's visiting the web page, there are some clever ominous fake advertisements that the movie doesn't shove in your face.
"Escape...", "Who is following me?"
If more of the movie had things like these that the viewer's able to notice on their own,
then it might not have sucked just so much.
You did it. Good job. I can't believe it. I'm proud of you.
So now that Instagram post starts really blowing up. Really? this is the best take you had?
"Wow, man! I am both scared and concerned!"
So now Val's back in the call and she just sits there staring at her screen doing absolutely nothing.
Which, if you think about it, is not exactly all that out of character for this group of friends.
Despite this, all of them now react as though there's something wrong and try calling her.
And of course, it doesn't take very long for now all of them to be silently staring at their computer screens doing nothing.
[Jeopardy think music]
[YMS] Man, it's so quiet in here, I wonder if there's gonna be a jump--
[scream] [YMS] Ugh!
So about 30 seconds go by and we can see that the police showed up.
Apparently they took her cyberbullying call very seriously.
They overhear the police using numbered codes, so our main character decides to investigate.
The same girl that doesn't know jack shit about how to operate her fucking computer
is somehow familiar with researching police scanner codes.
Man, you know what this movie could really use right now? Oh yeah, another jump scare!
[clip] Did they really just say 10-55?
[scream] Val?
[YMS] Did anybody else notice how literally every single character teleported?
Like, Blaire even managed to run back and adjust her drapes I guess?
Also, who the fuck screamed? [scream]
Everyone shown onscreen is clearly not screaming.
And the only one not shown onscreen is Mitch, so I guess it had to be him?
[scream] Well, that's embarassing.
So Val's call disconnects and the ghost bully starts sending people Skype messages.
So apparently, this ghost has pictures of every single character's dirty little secrets.
Blaire starts downloading hers and wouldn't you know it, not a single character has jack shit to say about anything.
[Jeopardy think music]
[clip] Sometimes, the most dramatic thing in our movie is, you know, mouses on the button.
Holds it, holds it, holds it. And when you write that, it sounds idiotic, but the thing is,
is when you try to write for a normal screen, here it also ends up appearing idiotic.
[YMS] Oh shit, it turns out Blaire is cheating on Mitch with Adam!
So now everybody decides to mute their Skype and call each other on their phones.
You see, Ken's got a plan to get rid of the ghost and if they don't mute the Skype then the ghost will hear them.
But oh no, the ghost unmutes their Skype.
[clip] Ken can get him out, okay? We need to stop this guy!
[YMS] So Ken sends everyone a program to help them get rid of whatever's on their computer and also maybe find out who's doing it.
Wow, I guess you're lucky that every single one of you is using a Mac, otherwise some of you might have difficulty opening this file.
Wait a minute, is there only 15 gigabytes worth of information on your entire laptop?
If not, then why would Ken send them something that only scans part of your computer? Where the fuck did you get this program?
[clip] Okay. Hit "trash." Trash all of those and then empty your recycling bins, okay?
Yeah, empty your recycling bin after you trash it. Do not save them.
[YMS] Excuse me, Blaire, what the fuck are you doing right now?! He just said: "Empty your recycling bin after you trash them."
You went from scanning the items to emptying your recycling bin, but you never moved those items to your fucking recycling bin!
There's two options in the program, you think you maybe should have tried the option on the right?
You are literally trying to delete items that have nothing to do with the program you just ran.
These are items that were in your recycling bin this whole fucking time.
Now I'm just wandering if this is the character's fault or the movie's fault.
If you don't think the movie's stupid enough to miss something like that, then I guess she's still screensharing right now.
Plus, isn't this scene supposed to be kind of tense?
You've got the ghost cyberbully with a countdown timer, but how's there supposed to be any semblance of tension
when the entire time she's just trying to delete shit that has nothing to do with the plot of the movie?
[clip] Blaire!
There's a lot in my recycling bin. I don't know how to make it go faster.
[YMS] "Oh no, I've just got to delete these files before the timer goes off! Oh no, I hope these files delete themselves quickly.
I'd better spazz out and click the button that'll cancel what I want to have happened."
[clip] Don't worry about it. Just get it done.
[YMS] Meanwhile, apparently our main character can't even fucking read.
Your computer is very clearly telling you that it is unable to empty the trash
because a torrented episode of Saturday Night Live is still in use.
"Hmm, I wonder what program could possibly be using this torrented episode of a TV show.
Man, I wish I could figure out which program to close!"
You fucking idiot. Okay so let's just pretend for a second that the items in her recycling bin are actually related to the plot at all,
which is what I'm assuming most people who watched and enjoyed this movie already believe.
Would it not be a lot more tense and also possibly scarier if we didn't know which program was using this file?
Like, you can't pretend you watched this movie and didn't see it right there.
Blaire is literally the only person on the fucking planet too stupid to figure this shit out.
You are ceding one thing and apparently for quite some time.
The program you were using to cede this is open and in plain fucking sight.
"I better close Quicktime Player". WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!
How can anyone seriously watch this scene and be like:
"Awh man, this is so tense. The clock's ticking down. I hope she deletes it in time!"?
The only thing I can do when I watch this scene is yell at her in my fucking head! It's right fucking there!
How the fuck do you even know how to log on?
"My name is Blaire, how do I delete my computer?"
Hey, everything just happened to work out for no reason.
[clip] - Fuck you, Billie. Suck on that, bitch! - Thank you, Ken.
[YMS] So now she gets back to typing with Mitch. Hey look, her friends are talking, but we can't hear them again.
Thanks again for sacrificing realism just for the sake of your cheap bullshit.
[YMS] Man, their parents aren't home right now? I am so scared.
So a minute goes by without being able to hear any of them and then we hear the Adam's on the phone with the police.
[clip] 9-1-1, please state your emergency.
[YMS] Have none of these kids seriously ever heard of using the non-emergency line?
Have you never heard of using the non-emergency line?
[clip] Yeah, hi, there's someone threatening me and my friends online,
and they also threatened our friend, Valerie Rommel.
[YMS] "Help, 9-1-1, I'm being cyberbullied right now!"
So all of a sudden, the 9-1-1 operator starts acting a little weird.
[clip] - Yeah, we're good. - Even Ken?
- What? - Don't hang up.
[YMS] Oh shit, it's the ghost!
So the ghost enters their call again and wouldn't you know it, everybody teleports at the exact same time.
I hope you like post-production sound effects.
Wow, this movie is so realistic.
Oh dang, the webcam's on now, what scary imagery.
So it turns out that what we see in the webcam is actually in Ken's room.
You might think that Ken would be the one to come to this conclusion, but nope, that would make a little bit of sense.
You see, this movie is more concerned with being as spooky as possible.
So instead, he gets up from his chair for no fucking reason and casually walks to the other end of the room.
How convenient that he just now decided to walk to the kitchen or wherever the fuck he was going.
"Awh man, this aggressive cyberbully just showed up in our call again to harass my friends."
You know what? I'm bored, I'm gonna go get a snack.
If you like this movie, then you might be making the argument that he recognized his room and that's why he got up.
And that's kinda what I'd like to believe too, except he's fucking clueless about it!
[clip] Wait, Ken! Ken!
- What? - Wait, come back.
[YMS] Why don't you just fucking tell him that you can see him in the camera?
If you believed that this person is a threat, why are you being so goddamn ambiguous?
[clip] Uh...
Back up a little bit.
- Why? - Just do it, dude.
[YMS] There are words in the English language that you could use to explain this to him very clearly with minimal effort!
"Yo, check it out, there's the right way and there's the scary way. Now do you want to make a scary movie or not?
That's what I thought! Now get that logic out of my face!
And while you're at it, keep your mouth shut, it's gotta be extra quiet for the jump scare."
Alright, so you just cut to a different take and added a sound effect. Wow.
Literally everything in front of the camera teleported, but I guess people were just too scared to notice.
So Ken makes his way to the video source, crouches down and stares at the camera silently for about 30 seconds.
Then everyone's video gets shut off.
I like how the main character's only reaction to this was just to wiggle the mouse around a little.
Another 20 seconds go by and Blaire enters the call again to see a silent still image of Ken's torso.
[clip] - Ken? [YMS] Yep, that's Ken!
Then another 15 seconds of quiet nothing goes by until finally:
[scream] [YMS] "Aaah!"
Wow, Blaire was so scared that she teleported!
Now I already mentioned how unrealistic and ridiculous this death scene looks
with him theoretically constantly fiddling with the webcam.
And those stock computer-generated blood spurt effects don't help out that much either.
But there's one more thing that makes this scene kinda funny to me and I can't even really blame the movie for it.
Pretty much as soon as I saw this actor in the trailer for this film, I was like:
"Holy shit, is that the guy from that fake banned Doritos Youtube commercial I've seen 20.000 times?"
[clip] Doritos? Doritos! Yeah! A lot of Doritos!
[YMS] Hilarious. I mean sure, watching this Youtube video might ruin your immersion
for what's apparently supposed to be a terrifying scene, but it's worth it.
[laugh] Doritos.
So now Ken's dead and Adam starts hearing noises inside his house.
And once again, everything gets really quiet and really boring.
This goes on for a minute and a half until something super scary happens.
[clip] Fuck!
[YMS] Now the ghost starts typing to him again and he decides that his attention is best left on the computer in front of him.
I don't know, you'd think that he'd have good reason to believe
that someone was in his house right now, but I guess that's just me.
[clip] What do you want?
I'm the trashman! I come out, I throw trash all over the ring! And then, I start eating garbage.
[YMS] So now the ghost is like: "Do you remember the video?" [clip] What video?
["Bring Me To Life" Evanescence]
[Subtitles by Abel Boeschoten]