You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
This video is brought to you by Fork Can™
And Audible.com,
where you can get audiobooks
that you read with your ears.
Cookies are a really great way to
get everybody to like you
for a short period of time.
We're going to make simple peanut butter cookies,
you only need three ingredients.
I mean, you can make them with four.
Umm, but, you can use as few as
one ingredient if you wanted to just take a bit
of peanut butter,
put it in a circular shape on a plate,
and let it dry out and call that a cookie.
Put peanut butter on a plate and call it a cookie
or
Make actual cookies
*click*
Ok. We're going to start by taking one cup of peanut butter.
*scoop scoop*
Congratulations. You're one-third done.
So, now we're going to take a cup of brown sugar.
What's this?
The hell?
*paper crumpling*
Looks like a treasure map.
Search for treasure
or
Continue making cookies
*click*
*paper crumples*
You're gonna throw that in the bowl.
*tapping*
So the only other ingredient
you absolutely need
is an egg.
Let eggs say goodbye to each other
or
Continue making cookies
*click*
See ya.
Bye.
*crack*
If your arm gets sore from this repetitive motion
just know that it's natural and it's nothing to feel bad about.
And now you can decide if you want to add
anything else into your peanut butter cookies, like
*clang*
chocolate chips
or
really
I mean
the sky's the limit here.
Form balls out of these.
Table spoon size.
No grease in the pan.
No foil. It's almost like the pan's perfectly clean when you're done.
I really don't know what I'm talking about.
It's really on there, you know.
And you can take a fork.
And press them down a little bit.
Oh, these are not pressing down.
They're really super sticky.
*laugh*
I don't know what happened.
What's going on?
Oh, that one turned out good. Let's just pretend
that one is all of these.
These look perfect.
If you have a Fork Compressotron 1™,
you could use that instead.
Oh, see that does a f-
a far better job.
Onion's on 350.
So while that's cooking you're going to notice you have,
uh,
enough left over for,
maybe another- *bleep bloop*
Oh.
I got, uh, selected to go on this mission to Mars.
Go to Mars
or
Wait for cookies
*click*
Mission control to YSAC, initiate remote sequence.
Remote sequence is good.
Light switch check.
*three switches*
Switches are good.
Initiate radio check.
*noise from radio*
Radio is good.
Cartridge entry, go.
Cartridge in.
Initiate beep sequence.
Beeps initiated.
Enter navigation coordinates.
Navigation locked.
Engage hyperdrive.
*hyperdrive engaging*
Mission control, we have a major problem.
I just realized I left the cookies in the onion.
Copy that YSAC,
what the f*** are you talking about?
Continue to Mars
or
Turn off onion
*click and engine powering down*
*sad music playing*
Ahh, well that's a bummer.
But, least I got some cookies.
They're probably better with, um
any other ingredient that you could possibly put in a cookie.
Basically, just look up a real recipe,
I guess,
and follow that.
You could give these out and try to buy people's friendship with them,
or you could hoard them all for yourself.
Buy friendship with cookies
or
Hoard cookies
*click*
And now a word from our sponsor
This video is sponsored by Audible.com,
the easiest way to read a book with your ears
while cooking a meal.
In my experience it's far easier than the traditional method
which is a bit cumbersome and tricky to master
and ruins your books, and everyone's day.
I really recommend pirate hunters
by, hmm,
Robert Kurson.
I can take it with me,
go searching for pirate treasure on my own,
while listening to a book about it.
Oh!
Found something!
Pretty sure that's from a pirate ship.
And if you don't like pirates they've got 250,000 other audio books
so, uh, whoa.
really sinking here
Audible.com/ysac
First month is free, and you get to keep a free book, even if you don't like it.
Or you could order my Kafka-Edgar style novel.
I'm hand typing each copy, so there's a bit of a backlog,
but I should be able to crank them out a bit faster
once I learn how to type, so
Order novel
or
Listen to pirate song
*click*
I'd like to be a pirate
I really think I'd like to try it
I know I just can't deny it
Except for being shot at all the time
and losing a leg
Then I got to spend my whole day carving a peg
And I'm getting all antsy because I'm stuck on a boat
And I don't know how to swim and I probably can't float
and I have to always wear the same pair of wet shoes
and I'm stuck in a dark room that's full of unclean dudes
and the ship makes me sick because it's rocky and swervey
and at least a couple times a year I come down with scurvy
getting bored of the food and I end up marooned
and I never really learned to navigate by the moon
and I'm constantly prone to unpredictable weather
and my back is sore from carrying all this heavy treasure
and I don't really like being out in the sun
and I never ever ever want to hurt anyone
but I'd like to be a pirate
Yeah!
Don't really mean to romanticize it
No!
They lived in a better climate
Yeah!
I want to be a swash-
-buckling pirate
Maybe!