hey guys and welcome back ~
this video we're gonna talk how to relax and how to de-stress
for as much as I talk about self-care..
the importance of self-care
the importance of making time for yourself
the importance of taking care of yourself
the importance of sleeping early.. of eating healthily..
of doing all the good things that you know will be good for you..
I haven't been doing any of that at all
a few days ago I woke up with a huge kink
in my lower neck upper back.. right here
my range of motion was like this
when I went to sleep or when I got up after laying down
I'd either get stuck like a roly poly
or I'd have to use my hands..
slowly.. gently lay myself down or like come up
and it's just yeah..
it's interesting how we will prolong
or we will not do something that we know we should do for a long time
until something bad happens, like you know physical pain
and so this video..
6 very practical self-care tips on how to go from..
where I was a few days ago to you know today
I feel like aside from this stress pimple
I think I'm doing pretty okay
soo let's get started ~
so the first thing that I do is make time for myself
so that I'll be able to have time to think and to be alone in my thoughts
and to have some sort of an outlet to get my thoughts out
even if it's just writing it down
even if it's just talking to myself or talking to myself in my head
or actually physically talking to a person
I know that's kind of counterintuitive
because you want to make time for yourself
but when you're talking to a friend about these things
like it also kind of works
when I'm really stressed, I tend to turn into the biggest hermit
and I just shut off the world, I shut off people
I like disconnect myself with people
and I'm just so stressed by myself
and I'm stressed that I'm stressing
and I'm stressed that I'm by myself stressing
and then it is just like this really bad cycle of life
🌀🌀🌀
~ it's not fun ~
so.. make time for yourself
and that could be in the form of writing, meditating, journaling..
going for a walk, cooking for yourself
so many things
taking a bath
something that really helps me is actually cleaning
I talk about this a lot or taking a shower
just mindless tasks like washing dishes
or vacuuming the floor or sweeping the floor
going on autopilot
your brain can wander and think of..
ok, so why Rowena~
why are you so stressed?
what is it really that you've been going through?
how do you feel? are you really okay?
and the most important thing with making time for yourself is..
we innately already all know what we can do to make ourselves feel better
but there's like a huge difference between knowing and actually doing something
I know meditating will make me feel better
I know how to meditate
I know how to journal
I know how to write up my thoughts
I know how to be alone by myself
but if I don't actually do it, than none of it matters
same thing with how poorly I've been eating
doesn't matter if my pantry is stocked with a bunch of superfoods
and a bunch of dietary supplements and a bunch of vitamins
if I don't actually take it.. it's not actually gonna help me
again, the first thing is to make time for yourself
and know that you need to actually do the things instead of just think about it
growing up in society, growing up in this world today..
where we all have to be performing all the time
"on" all the time
operating at full capacity all the time
whenever we feel like we're less than that
whenever we feel that we're not good enough
and whenever we compare ourselves to other people
and we look at other people's lives
and see how productive they are and how well they're doing
we tend to be even harder on ourselves
so I've been reading the new book by Gary Vaynerchuk
and there's a sentence in there that really stuck out to me
he mentioned the law of thermodynamics
and how whatever energy you put into something
will manifests itself in equal amounts when it comes out
so if you're stressed about being stressed then you're just gonna keep being stressed
if you think you're not good enough
if you think you're not capable enough..
then that's gonna be the result of what you do
and how you feel and how you treat yourself
it's okay if you're stressed
it's okay that you feel not great all the time
because we're human and because it happens
so accept the fact that you're stressed and that that's okay
or accept the fact that you're not feeling the best
and that that's totally fine
there's a couple ways to categorize these types of stressors and why you're stressing
I think the most straightforward one is internal or external
it could be both
so internal is expectations for yourself..
voices in your head telling yourself you're not good enough
you're not whatever enough
being a perfectionist
wanting things to be done a certain way
just anything internal like voices in your head
and there's external
so external could be your relationship with people.. anyone, family, friends..
conflicts or it can even be something like environmental factors
a little may be out of your control
commuting, it could be crowding, it could be pollution.. anything
all of these are causes of stress
some of them are a lot more apparent
like the voices in your head telling yourself you're not good enough
but a lot of these things are things that like daily hassles
we don't really think of it because we're just doing
or maybe even the voices in your head
maybe it's been just there for so long that you just kind of accept it as who you are
and accept it as reality and accept it as truth
when it shouldn't be because we should love ourselves
and silence those voices in her head because they're not nice
so why have I been stressed?
why have I been stressed?
life changes in any form
whether it's like positive, negative, or just even neutral
it's a life change
and it's a situation that makes you have to cope
makes you have to deal with, makes you have to adjust
so like any change..
any change will cause some sort of stress
and this is a good place to say that stress in moderate amounts is good
we need it to survive
ever since, you know, our ancestors from their hunting and gathering like
you need stress..
but too much stress is not a good thing
so there's two ways people tend to manage stress
the first we're going to talk about is defensive coping
and defensive coping is exactly as it sounds
it's very reactive
you usually distract yourself
and you usually divert the attention of the stress to be like..
~ if I'm stressed, but I'm gonna drink ~
~ I'm stressed, but I'm gonna do something else ~
I'm gonna avoid it, I'm gonna go party..
or watch Korean dramas because that's what I've been doing
and usually defensive coping comes at a cost because instead of dealing and managing..
you're just pushing it aside to deal with it at later time
and it usually compounds and grows into this giant mountain of stress
that one day it'll crush you and you'll be like ~ why am I so stressed
it's like ~ duh ~ because you're putting it off
aggression, regression, avoidance of problems
which is like withdrawing yourself from social situations, any situation..
self-deception which can be rationalizing why it's okay that you're feeling this way
or just complete denial of the fact that like..
~ oh ya, no I'm fine ~
~ like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine ~
and then there's active coping
rational evaluation of our capacities to manage stressors as best we can
and planning efficient ways to cushion its impact
and let's just move on to the fifth point
because we will talk about ways of active coping
we kind of talked about this in the first section
where there's a huge difference between knowing and actually doing
so this is the doing
the active coping, the being proactive..
the playing offense versus playing defense
the doing the things that we know will make us feel better
and will make us more chill and not as stressed
I categorized my stressors into five categories
I identified what it is
and then what I'm going to do to help myself do better
first thing is relationship with my work and time on the computer
I spend way too much time hunched over like a little hunchback
ya, that's not okay because that's really bad for my posture
that's very bad for my neck
that's very bad for just like my overall well-being and like my eyeballs
what I do is I keep a water on my desk
and I keep drinking it, keep refilling it so that once it's done..
I need to refill it and stand up and then I need to go to the restroom
and I need to stand up
or I'll go outside for a walk, look at greenery
my mom actually put me on a very strict schedule of every one hour..
I need to go outside for at least 10 minutes to look at the sky
to look at the flowers, to look at the plants, to look at green things
so if you can't go outside, just get up and stretch
or even just to breathe
I mean, we're breathing on a day-to-day basis
but there's a difference between shallow breaths and deep breaths
next thing is my body
my body has been very tense
being hunched over on a computer like overextending my neck
and just.. that's not cool
I'll link down below a video my cousin sent me a while ago
for every hour you work, you stand against a wall
and then you do some arm raises to kind of straighten out your back, realign your spine
also what really helps that I've been completely neglecting is qi gong
what qi gong does is it helps regulates the qi in your body
or like the energy in your body
and if you're like.. ~ ooo, what is that?? ~
basically to me it's like.. there's also a lot of stretching
and it helps calm you down and it helps ground you
and I'll also link down below the exercises that I do
and if you're interested in learning from someone in person..
I'll also link down local contacts where you can find people to learn this from
next is sleeping
I've been sleeping at very irregular hours
I've been traveling back and forth between New York and LA a lot
when I'm back in New York, it's like..
~ it's 6:00 a.m...that's ok, it's 3:00 a.m. in LA ~
~ it's not that late ~
and I'm up like watching Korean dramas
and I'm very ashamed of myself
because that actually happened a few weeks ago
that just goes to show how much I wanted to escape
and how stressed I was and how defensive coping I was
yeah, glad I'm not there anymore
been doing a lot better
there's this video I have of how to wake up early that I made
that I obviously need to watch for myself
another thing is nutrition
I think of all the things..
all of these are all very very important
especially what you consume and what you eat
of course drinking more water, more vegetables, more greenery..
more fruits, more natural foods will help
all of this, it's like okay..
make more time to cook, to actually cook
put more effort into what I eat
and be more mindful of what I'm eating
and also putting superfood / vitamins
where I can see them so they're easily accessible
and I'll actually remember to take them
and the last thing is I get in my own head too much when I'm stressed
I won't go out for weeks at a time
I won't talk to many people
I already don't talk to many people on a day-to-day basis
day-to-day basis*
talking it out with friends..
actually this whole thing started turning around when I met up with Patrick
you guys remember Patrick?
I was able to talk it out with him
he asked me questions, he listened..
and with that, he helped me realize why I was stressed
why I've been so stressed
and for that, I'm very grateful
and I just wonder why I didn't do that sooner
when you're grateful, you can't feel anything else than gratitude
I can confidently say that for the past three weeks I did not feel grateful
I don't.. I mean there's spurts, right?
but for the most part, because I was more overwhelmed
with this not-the-most-positive feeling of being stressed..
I just couldn't be grateful that..
wow, it's so amazing that I am alive and that I can do something like this
and that I can share my experience and my story with you guys as I'm learning
so that we can all learn together
it's just, it's so silly that we kind of do that to ourselves
so it's like turning "I can't" to "I can"
turning the voices in your head where your like..
~ omg, why are you doing this again ~
~ why did you do this - I needuhdduhdduh ~
~ why Rowena, like your so dduhdudhdh ~
turn that into like a..
hey, you know like, you made a mistake, it's okay
or like.. hey, like you're not feeling the best, it's okay
like take a break, take a rest, sit down..
postpone the posting date for a video
like the world's not gonna end if you don't do this thing
taking yourself out of the equation, I guess
or just being more mindful, grateful, intentional, compassionate..
I think at the end of the day
that's what will really help move this world forward
and help make this world a much better place
if we can all cultivate our hearts..
and ourselves to try to do the best we can where we are
remember that whatever it is that you're going through
whatever it is that you're stressed about..
it's okay to feel the way you feel, it's okay to be the way you are
it's okay to be who you are, to feel what you feel
and remember you're not alone
I'm not alone, we're all not alone
we have each other
we all go through the same things
maybe some people are better at hiding it than people
maybe some people learn how to manage it better
but at the end of the day, we're all human
we all go through these things and it's totally fine
and lastly, thank you so much to Care/of for sponsoring this video
as with everything we talked about..
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this is so cute
there's your name on there
~ harro ~
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~ ahhh, dees one ~
helps relieve occasional stress
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I hope you guys enjoyed this video
I hope you guys liked this message at the end
and yeah, let me know your thoughts..
what you think, how you stress, why you stress
if this video was helpful, if it made you less stressed
andduhh..
see you guys in the next video
thank you always for being here
I love you guys
what was that, I don't know
*finger hearts*
baiii ~