[Questioner] How do we distinguish between selfishness and loving oneself
and does it help in ending one’s misery?
[Sadhguru] Whose questions are these?
You got it all written down?
Oh yours?.
[Questioner] Wrote it down.
[Sadhguru] Okay.Okay...
Love means two people, isn’t it?
Hmm?
What is this thing about loving yourself?
You’re becoming a schizophrenic.
Love is a certain experience for you.
See, right now, if I love you, it makes no difference for
you.
If I love you, it’s beautiful for me.
You need not even know that I am loving you, isn’t it?
If you love me, it’s wonderful for you, isn’t it?
Yes or no?
[Audience] Yes.
Somebody is loving you, it can be a nuisance.
You are loving - this is beautiful, isn’t it?
Isn’t it so?
No?
So, within you, where did you become two people?
Because if you want to love something, two are needed, isn’t it?
Please don’t split yourself.
There is no need to love yourself.
If you are loving, it’s great.
Where is the need to love this one because everything is about this one?
Isn’t it?
Yes or no?
People are talking all kinds of selfless nonsense.
There is no such thing.
Everything is about this one.
What matters to this one, that’s what you do, isn’t it?
Whether you do it for your friend or your enemy or your family or your nation
or whatever else, you do it because it means something to you, isn’t it?
So, don’t get embroiled in this selfishness and selflessness.
At least in your selfishness, don’t be stingy.
Be total.
That’s all I am telling you.
Right now, the moment you see that I am truly responsible for everything around me,
now you are capable of being truly selfish.
If you… see, every human being is interested in his wellbeing.
That’s why all these questions, isn’t it?
Yes?
That’s the basis of this, isn’t it?
You are essentially interested in your wellbeing.
That is so with every human being, isn’t it?
Everybody is interested in their wellbeing.
Human wellbeing is something that you are interested in.
It is just that the scale and scope may vary from person to person.
For one person, wellbeing may just mean about he being well.
For another person, it may be him and his family.
For another person, it may be him and his community.
For another person, it may be him and his nation.
For another person, may be it may be the whole humanity.
For another person, it may be all life.
Only the scale is different.
There is nobody here who is not concerned about wellbeing,
Isn’t it so?
Everybody is concerned about wellbeing – only the scale is different from person to
person.
How much of wellbeing are you willing to address?
Anyway, you are concerned about your wellbeing.
You can be truly well only if everything around you is also well, isn’t it?
Is it a fact?
Today, we are talking about saving the ecology, nonsense.
You don’t have to save the ecology.
If you don’t mess with it, it will be well, isn’t it?
Now, you are understanding only if the trees are well, we can be well.
When it comes to survival, you will understand.
But anyway, don’t you know this?
If everybody in Delhi is well, it is also good for your wellbeing, isn’t it?
Yes?
Only if you are well and nobody is well, your life is constantly under threat, isn’t it
so?
So, if you extend this wanting wellbeing, from the limitations of this body and say,
“I want this to happen.
I want this to happen to everything and everybody around me,”
then you will do your best.
Then you don’t have to worry about loving you, not loving you.
There is no such thing as loving yourself.
It’s an idea.
Love is an experience that happens to you.
When for some reason, whatever the reason maybe, your emotions became pleasant.
It happened because your child came and kissed you
or your dog wagged its tail - it can happen both ways.
Isn’t it so?
Yes or no?
For what reason it happened is not the point.
It happened because your emotions became sweet.
So, you call that love.
I am saying, do you… you know, suppose… suppose you bought a car.
Nobody is old enough for this I think.
Suppose you bought a car in 1940s.
Along with the car you have to get yourself two servants because it’s push start in
the morning.
Fifties, one servant will do - crankstart.
Now you are all self-start, isn’t it?
Now I am asking you, your love, your joy, your bliss –
should it be on push start or self-start?
If it was on self-start, you wouldn’t be asking all these questions, isn’t it?
Right now, it’s on push start.
Now, you have felt at one moment, if somebody express some love to you, you
felt happy and they are not reliable.
So, you are talking about if I love myself, will I have it going?
That’s the whole thing, isn’t it?
No, don’t worry about somebody loving you, you loving yourself.
You want your body to be pleasant, emotion to be pleasant, mind to be pleasant, isn’t
it?
We'’ll work on that.
Hmm?
We'll work towards that.
Don’t try to love yourself, not necessary.
There is no need to love anybody either because you can’t do that either.
If you are feeling loving right now, whoever you see, that’s the way you will be, isn’t
it?
I love you, I love you, I love you – this is a mantra that you are doing because
without that mantra, lot of things won’t open up.
On a certain day, Shankaran Pillai went to the park.
There was a pretty looking woman sitting on a bench, on a stone bench in the park.
He went and settled down on the same bench.
After some time, he moved closer.
She moved little away.
Then he waited for two minutes and again moved closer.
She moved away.
Again he moved closer.
She was at the end of the bench.
So, she pushed him away.
Then he waited for two minutes.
Sun was just setting.
The atmosphere was right.
He went down on his knees and said, “I love you.
I love you like I have never loved anybody in my life.”
The woman was little soft, you know and the sun is setting, and she melted down
I am sorry.
I shouldn’t use the “melting down” word.
And things happened between them.
Nature took over, many more things happened between them.
It was getting eight o’clock.
Shankaran Pillai got up and he said, “I need to go, I need to go.”
She said, “Where are you going?
You said you love me?”
In her mind, the moment he says ‘I love you’, both of them have become one.
He said, “No, I need to go.
My wife will be waiting.
I have to go at eight o’clock.”
So, I love you is like “open sesame.”
It’s a mantra.
If you say I love you, things that you want will happen.
So, I am not talking about transactions.
I am talking about love.
Love is not a transaction.
Love is a beautiful thing that happens within you.
It cannot happen outside of you.
It may find expression outside, but it’s something that can happen only
within you, isn’t it?
And, do you want to keep something so beautiful on push-start or self-start?
We’ll get it on self-start.
Hmm?