How'd you get in here?
Are you FedEx?
I am the bringer of great and terrible things.
Is that the new slogan? You know that's not very catchy at all.
You know, I mean I guess it's better than "What can brown do for you?"
Because that reminds everyone of pooping.
Jack: Behold!
I offer a game of fate...
What's that?
It is a simple machine, with a simple purpose,
to determine the true nature of a man's soul.
Press this button and in an instant you will be a million dollars richer,
but in that same instant somebody you know will die.
Basically if I push that button I get a million dollars...
But... Someone I know dies... Immediately?
Yes.
Could be a mere acquaintance, it could be someone you love, it might be a-
I haven't finished!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry go ahead that was-
Go ahead?!
I know I didn't mean to like...
I had this whole speech prepared about moral dilemmas and GREED and...
Yeah, no, that was me. I won't interrupt.
Well seriously! No one ever presses that button that quick.
I mean most people never press it at all!
*phone rings*
Hang on one second this is my...
Hello? Yeah? Uncle Eddie?
Hey can you go ahead and check our bank account?
Reeaally?
Yeah I'll just call you back.
Hey that's totally good news it worked.
I mean just perfectly.
Good news?! What about your uncle?!
Yeeaaaah, that's pretty sad, right?
Hey did anyone ever push it again?
No one has ever dared consider it.
But if you do... You will receive half the money...
And two people you know will-
Will you quit that please?!
This isn't Jeopardy you know?!
No I understand-
You don't press the button before you...
So like basically I hit the button and like maybe half the money right?
And then like twice the amount of people die?
Thus increasing the chances of your killing somebody that you-
Awwww
This really just is NOT working is it?
Hey. Who's this guy? What's going on?
Oh hey man. Yeah this is one of those guys that has one of those buttons, you know?
Where you push it and you get, like, a million dollars but like someone you know, like, dies?
Oh awesome let me try-
HAH!
NOW you see the consequences of you immoral actions!
The irony is this,
You may be a wealthy man, but what is money without friends to share it wi-
Yeah that's awesome we should do that again.
What about your friend?!
Well I mean you know what they say right?
Friends can't buy happiness but money can.
Nobody says that!
Friends and money, happiness, together when you hit the button its better.
Oh! You know what would be good is I bet I can get one before they get to the arcade machine.
No, this is gonna be great, here watch this.
Oh Brandon!
Hey what are you guys doing in here?
Why do you keep pressing the button?
Yeah!!
Hahaha! You lose! He made it past the arcade machine.
No way! He didn't get past the line! Okay wait you didn't even take the bet.
Okay. This time, before they say the word "button."
Okay, no, that's good. We're on. Okay how much you wanna bet?
A million dollars?
Oh Griffon! Griffon you're very pretty! You should come in here cause... you're so pretty!
Hey guys. What's with that-
EHHEHEHEYYY WOOOOO!
High button.
You know it's been fun, you know, but uh...
I think I'm gonna head off.
Oh no, you know, we could, uh, order pizza.
You know, maybe get the delivery guy before he gets to the door?
I'm cool...
Ah, come on! I just feel like we're, like, getting to know each other.
We are not getting to know each other.
No, no, definitely we're almost friends at this point-
That's... Probably the smoking.
So I could probably put this on Craigslist.
Yeah...