So Clara, how are you doing?
Fantastic.
I started a journal, you should read it, it's great.
[from Kessler's tablet] Clara I understand you're hurting.
Don't you just cash the cheques no matter what?
[hah]
Or am I some sort of awards bait to you?
Are you writing a screenplay?
I want to help you.
Bullshit.
If you help me, this little money pipeline dries up.
Ya know...
I am more than used to my dad's army of paid wannabes.
So why don't you just
stop pretending that this is anything more than an easy job
where all you have to do is tilt your head and say:
"How does that make you feel?"
So Clara let's check in.
How was your week?
It was fine.
How you getting on without your doctors?
About as good as I was getting along with them.
Huh!
Hmmm.
So I lost sour and salty this week.
Oh.
God, that's a shame.
Hmmm.
Dill pickle chips will have no purpose now.
I know.
And french fries with vinegar.
Oh...
Also, um...
I stopped bruising.
And I have to be careful with my hair.
[exhale]
Yeah.
Have you spoken with your father this week?
Not since we went hiking.
I basically never see him.
He leaves early and comes home late.
Basically don't talk to him.
How does that make you feel?
Like he's avoiding me.
It's childish.
Do you not think that his
behaviour might be understandable?
Well, if my daughter was dying I'd f*cking spend time with her.
I wouldn't just avoid the issue.
But hey-
what do I know?
My brain's probably rotting anyways.
I just-
I feel like he can't handle it.
I'm like...
I'm having enough trouble justifying the decision for myself,
without him guilt tripping me.
If that what you feel he's doing to you?
Well,
yeah!
I mean,
every time we talk about me dying, he keeps just talking about how he'll be alone.
He can't deal with being alone...
... six siblings.
I can deal with being alone.
I'm alone all the time.
Every week.
Well, alone with Frank.
I don't know.
I feel like,
since I started talking to you about this,
and my dad of course,
it feels like
real.
K.
Ok, this is gonna sound like, really weird,
but like,
I didn't do my homework.
I'm not following.
Well-
there's all these procedures, and
steps, you know.
First I had to find a hospital
with a doctor who was willing to perform the procedure on a late stage walker.
And that's hard because I can't go within city limits.
Then there's the form and-
did you sign that by the way?
Um-
Well, I'm... I'm still looking it over.
So,
there's the form, and
I just
feel like, since I started talking about it, like, there's this like, freight train coming right towards me.
And how are you managing those anxieties?
Well...
I made Frank play monopoly with me.
Hm.
He's really good.
I mean he had to play every game with his gun out, but
he beat me every time.
Really kicked my ass.
And then,
for some weird reason it hit me.
This is more than just
procedures and finding a hospital.
There all these
people that
I have to say goodbye to.
People I haven't even talked to since before the diagnosis.
You know,
Jamie, Nathaniel, Amy, the whole high school crew.
They've probably gone to college,
maybe started their own families...
So anyways,
since Saturday, Linc's been helping me record these goodbye videos.
I'm sorry, um, Linc?
Yeah. The
Lycan activist, the one I talk to on YouTube. The cool one.
Oh. Yeah.
Right.
Um...
So am I going to be getting one of these goodbye videos?
No of course not.
You'll get something legit, like with a hug or something.
I'm glad.
I'm sure it crosses a line, but um...
Ah, well god forbid we cross a line a couple week before my death.
About that...
I'm so proud of the growth you've made over the years,
and I'm worried that you are just now, you are giving up.
Dr. Kessler.
Look I know you have
your reasons.
But this decision, it can't be unmade.
I understand, and I've made it.
Okay.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I fear this is all moving too quickly.
But-
I've known this is what I want for months-
Yes, but you just introduced this idea to me last week.
And now all of a sudden you are talking about
hah,
finding doctors, and hospitals, and
signing forms, and I am concerned that you don't actually want to discuss the issue
in depth and that makes me fear,
that you're less ready than you say you are.
What more is there to say, what more is there to discuss-
I don't know!
I, I don't know, but
but before I can actually sign that form,
well, I believe there's more work to do.