hi everybody Lisa a Romano the breakthrough life coach and today we're
going to be discussing the 50 shades of codependency so I want you to ask
yourself something do you feel stuck do you feel invisible are you dissatisfied
with your relationships do you feel like you don't have an opinion well if you do
dear ones this video is for you there could be a chance that you're
suffering from codependency which in my opinion is an attachment with the end to
the idea that we need something outside of ourselves to validate us or make us
feel real or feel seen or feel worthy and codependency can be routed back in
most cases if not in all cases and some psychotherapists out there will say that
codependency is absolutely absolutely the result of childhood abuse some type
of childhood abuse whether it's neglect abuse by omission or abuse by commission
overt abuse or covert abuse so let's dive into the 50 shades of codependency
shall we so now codependence seek validation outside of the self number
one number two feel like victims number three we feel stuck and before we are
secretly angry rarely tell anybody how we feel we are secretly depressed we
experience brain fog we feel disconnected we smile on cue we like
whoever likes us we settle for what shows up we ramble on without thinking
we do not feel grounded we react rather than act on our own behalf we wait for
others to give us permission to feel worth we feel unworthy we look for
others to fix we trap others into truth into taking care of us we have sex when
we don't want to we have a difficult time enjoying sex we settle for what
shows up we don't have dreams we wonder why others are happy and we
are not we trust too easily we are easily wounded we are constantly seeking
outside the self for others to care about us we crave and fear love both at
the same time we feel invisible we are over reactive sometimes we are under
reactive we don't know how to take care of ourselves we judge ourselves harshly
we think everyone hates us we obsess trying to be good enough about trying to
be good enough we never feel good enough we are waiting for the day somebody sees
us we worry we'll never experience true love we feel ashamed because our parents
fail to love us unconditionally authentically we feel guilty when we say
no we rarely say no we are bulimics anorexics and/or struggle with drugs
and/or addiction we seek distractions we suffer with anxiety we have trouble
sleeping or we oversleep we are not grounded we feel powerless we
cannot identify our feelings we don't know the difference between thinking and
feeling we understand everyone else but ourselves we are either overly
responsible or irresponsible we don't know who we really are we have no sense
of self we fear abandonment we fear intimacy we are children in adult bodies
and on some level we know it so those are the 50 shades just some of them I
could have rambled on I could have given you 100 shades of codependency maybe
even a thousand shades of codependency in my opinion codependency is epidemic
we are a society that is infused with ideas of codependency and not until we
awaken and so we realize how we're being manipulated from outside how our minds
are being corrupted by the powers that be if you will whether those the powers
that be with the authorities in your life lives on your child and you are
being downloaded to seek validation outside of yourself and that validation
never came so when the validation doesn't come from outside of the self
you can't but healthy sends himself you cannot
have healthy self-esteem if you don't have self okay and if you don't have
self-esteem something went wrong in your childhood and whether your parents did
it on purpose or did it inadvertently or by default if a child does not have a
healthy sense of self in my humble opinion the parents miss the mark now
I'm not saying parents do this on purpose I think my parents for instance
what they were doing a great job but we were minimized and we were criticized
because my father's immaturity at the time and my mother's immaturity at the
time all they can think about was not having conceited children so he got what
he wanted he had three children that were severely insecure struggled with
eating disorders hated themselves very very insecure and my brother and my
sister and I combined we've suffered tremendously in terms of anxiety
self-loathing you name it we've had it so but going back to my parents if you
would ask my parents do they think they were good parents they'd probably tell
you yes we had a roof over our heads we all ate we all went to squid schools but
on a heart level we felt invisible and we felt and seen and felt unseen and we
had absolutely no sense of self so this video has been short and quick and I
wanted to introduce to you some shades of codependency and 50 shades of
codependency just to get you thinking so that you don't feel so crazy I know that
before I realized that I was codependent I felt crazy I literally felt bananas
and I was suffering from migraine headaches rashes asthma and severe
severe crippling panic attacks and was diagnosed with panic disorder and I
thought that that meant there was something wrong with me mentally there
was something wrong with me I didn't understand there was nothing wrong with
me and that I was actually just simply acting like a codependent I was seeking
validation outside of myself and unfortunately attracted narcissistic
people who took advantage of my need to feel seen and that dynamic was actually
a recreation of my childhood and all it did was take me down a endless
bottomless rabbit hole now that all that did was reinforced my sense of
powerlessness and my body my poor sacred body was
reacting to the sense of powerlessness and so I got sick and I felt like there
was nothing that I could do about it until I realized that I was codependent
and that diagnosis actually changed my life
and actually gave me a great job because now that's all I talk about is a good I
bet it and how to recover from it so it's actually a really good thing that I
suffered from codependency because I found a way to heal it so dear ones I
hope that this has been a um just kind of maybe major more aware and if you're
wondering if you are codependent maybe you identified with some of these the 50
shades of codependency and if so you're going to love this channel so thanks for
watching dear ones and I hope this has helped you can leave any questions or
comments below and drain my live stream YouTube live streams I will be answering
them weekly probably bi-weekly I'm going to be do live streams live streams
bi-weekly on my youtube channel and September first my coaching program
launches and I hope many of you will be on my webinars women ought to check that
out I'll see you guys soon bye
you