Hello I m Darren Magee and welcome to my mental health awareness and information channel.
Today's topic we're going to be looking at seven signs of an unhealthy relationship, seven
signs of a toxic relationship. Now this could be with anyone. This could be a relationship with
a work colleague, with a friend, with a family member, with a partner, with a spouse. It could be
any kind of relationship at all. But these are the signs to look for if it is a toxic relationship.
Now as we look at them, I think it's fair to say that we all behave like this from time to time and
in different situations and with different people, whatever. What makes it unhealthy and toxic
is whenever this behaviour is consistent, when the other person persists in behaving like this
even after they've been made aware of the effect it has. So let's jump right in. Sign number one,
there are a lot of rules. There are a lot of rules that must be obeyed. Things
must be done a certain way at a certain time. You know, using a particular whatever. There are a lot
of rules. If these rules aren't obeyed it causes a lot of distress, a lot of discomfort, a lot of
arguments or whatever. There, there is a right way to do things, there is no other way. There is no
room for difference, there's no room for preference, it just, it must be this. Sign
number two is a lot of guilt and shame. There's a lot of things like, look at what you made me do.
This is all because of you. You ruin everything. If it wasn't for you. And so on and so on. Someone
may be behaving very overly dramatically, you know, to show their anger or frustration or
disappointment, whatever. But it's all aimed at having the other person feel very guilty
about either doing something or not doing something. As ridiculous as it might sound,
being made to feel guilty for not being able to mind read what the other person wanted. A lot of
shame over who I am, where I'm from, the kind of person I am. One of those situations for example,
someone goes get themselves a glass of water. The other person is saying to them, Why didn't
you get me water? You would never think of asking me. I'm sitting here dying of thirst , etc etc.
It's like there's no room for them to just say, Do you know what I'm thirsty? Any chance you get
me a glass as well? It's all by playing on guilt and shame. Okay, so the third sign, constantly
checking, constantly checking up Where are you? What are you doing? Who re you talking to? Took
you ten minutes to go to the garage, only took eight minutes last night. What were you up to,
who were you talking to and so on and so on. And with today's technology, you know, we can
we can actually find each other very easily using our phones. You know, find a friend,
things like that. Then we have little location things, our Sat Navs and so on. And in some
ways it can be quite helpful, quite useful. In other ways it can be very controlling. It can be
very intrusive. A typical claim from someone who's constantly checking up on the other person can be,
I don't trust you. I don't believe you, you're always acting suspicious, You know, if you've got
nothing to hide, give me your phone. Let me see who you've been talking to you. When actually the
truth is, we all need space. We all need privacy. Not necessarily that we have anything to hide.
Now I often look at it this way, if you've got nothing to hide, why do you close the bathroom
door when you're in there? What are you up to? You know, course we all need a level of space.
A lot of the time the constant checking it can come down to another persons insecurities.
But it's still not nice to be on the wrong end of it. So sign number four, isolation.
Toxic people often tend to isolate people. Don't really want them having a support network, and
I think sometimes it's a way of making the person, the victim if you want to call them that,
dependent on them. I think sometimes the thought of them having a support network, having a friend
network or whatever, having friends and family and so on, these other people may point out how
unhealthy that behaviour is. They may not want someone to have any kind of contact with anything
or anyone but themselves. Now in reality, in any relationship, regardless of the relationship,
or who it s with we all need to be able to connect with others. We have other friendships,
other relationships and other interests and so on. When we become isolated from that,
when we tend to lose, that we tend to lose a sense of ourselves. We need other people to, to reflect
us and bounce ideas off. Sign number five of an unhealthy relationship, constant sabotage. Doesn't
matter what it is, you might want to be going for a job, you might want to apply for a job, and that
person in the office gives a less than a glowing reference, and picks up something innocuous,
something you may have said or did three years ago that proves your unworthy of that role.
Maybe saving for a holiday, for a new car. The other person keeps finding things they have to
spend the money on. Maybe you're about to go somewhere, you're going to a party or whatever
an argument starts, an argument starts to maybe ruin the mood, or maybe a mysterious illness,
a headache suddenly comes, comes out, so you're unable to go. Sabotage is one way of keeping
another person in a constant state of strain, unfulfillment and disappointment. Sign number six,
double standards. Earlier, when we were talking about rules, the rules may apply to one person.
They don't apply to the other. Yes, it's like that old saying, You'll do as I say, don't do as I do.
Other people may be, may know more, they may have more insight, they may be cleverer.
I know more about this than you and so on and so on. It's okay for me to behave particular
way. It's okay for other people to behave in particular, but it's not okay for you. And lastly,
sign number seven. You think of everything we've talked about it up until now. You can put this
pretty much under the umbrella of this last sign, control. It's all about having control.
In an unhealthy relationship one person is constantly trying to control things.
If we're honest, we all need a level of control, you know,
we need to know where we're going to sleep tonight, where oour next meal s coming from,
that our loved ones are safe. So we need to have a level of control.
But there is something really unhealthy whenever someone is trying to control everything, everyone
in their immediate environment and so on. Any free will, any autonomy on another persons part
is met with resistance. It's met with distress and even, even if someone is doing very kind things,
really good things, really nice things, you know, things that the other person might benefit from,
might like, it's done in a way that it's still taking away their autonomy. It's taking away their
choice, as if that person knows best. When that person who's trying to exert a level of control,
when things don't go with our way when they feel a lack of control, they become very angry.
They become very anxious, they become, go into to a downward spiral of depression and so on
and they re doing it in a way that they re saying to the other person, This is all your fault, look
at what you're doing to me by not giving me what I want. So they are seven signs of an unhealthy
relationship, a toxic relationship. There are many more things like neglect, disagreeableness and so
on. There are so many, so if there's any you can think of that I haven't mentioned, please mention
in the comment box below. If there's anything you would like me to cover in future videos, please
again, leave a message in the comment box below. Please subscribe to my channel for further updates
and information on mental health awareness topics okay? So until next time, thanks for watching.