(upbeat music)
- Welcome to Snatch Game!
Allow me to introduce tonight's contestants.
Our first contestant likes to toot, boot, and shoot.
Welcome, Raven.
Raven, are you feeling lucky?
- I never win here, so no, I'm not feeling lucky.
(crowd laughs)
- Our next guest enjoys winning pageants
and being world famous.
Please welcome Victoria "Porkchop" Parker.
(audience claps)
Where is Porkchop?
I'm hearing she's running late.
- Wait, wait, here I am!
(crowd cheering)
- [RuPaul] Hi Porkchop.
- I'm so sorry. I had to go get my COVID test.
- I thought you were at Golden Corral, girl.
- I stopped there too, but don't tell anyone.
(crowd laughs)
- Are you ready to meet our stars?
- Yes!
- First up, it is my honor to introduce
the legendary abolitionist, Harriet Tubman.
(crowd cheers)
Harriet is here-
Oh, Harriet Tubman.
Hi, Harriet Tubman.
- Uh-hm.
(crowd laughing)
I see all this room full of white people up in there.
I got nerves.
- Yeah. Well, I can understand that.
- When you hear 'em comin', you gotta get low.
- Yes, but you've evaded the white folks for a long time.
- I evaded them for years
on the Underground Railroad, honey.
But, here for the Snatch Game, baby.
- Yes, it's all for a good cause.
- It's all for a good cause.
For freedom!
(crowd laughs)
- Next, she's a business woman, socialite and DJ.
Please welcome Paris Hilton.
- Hey Ru, how's it going?
Just let me know when the cameras are rolling
and we'll kill it.
- Well, we've started, the cameras are rolling.
- Oh (beep) that's so embarrassing.
Sorry.
(crowd laughs)
I'm so happy to be here.
- Oh my goodness, your voice changed just then
when you found out that we were on camera.
- Your so obsessed with me, it's everything.
- I kinda am obsessed with you.
- You're so hot.
- Raven, feel familiar at all?
- You know what, I played it safe that time,
so let's hope you're not doing the same.
(Paris laughs)
- I saw that on TV.
That was (beep)ing rude.
(crowd laughs)
- Next, snatched from the pages of herstory
It's Mary, Queen of Scots.
- Hello RuPaul,
how's it going man, your looking (beep)ing great.
Seriously.
(crowd laughs)
- Oh. Tell me, queen, how's your head?
- Lot's of complaints,
but I can not have ever most of it.
You know what they say,
go underground for a few years
you've probably got a little wee not that great
(indistinct)
(Mary laughs)
- I say that all the time.
Up next, the one and only Richard Simmons.
- Hi, hi, hi RuPaul.
- Now, we haven't seen you in a long time.
Where have you been?
- Shh, my housekeepers around?
(crowd laughs)
She's holding me hostage.
- Oh, is there anything we can do to help you at all?
- You can just work out a little more
to keep it country life and it's smiling.
(Richard laughs)
- All right.
Up next it's makeup mogul Patrick Starr.
- What's the tea honey bee?
- Patrick, is it true one size fits all?
- Bitch, one size fits most.
Bitch, I love tea, you know I got to save something (beep).
(RuPaul laughs)
What do you love to eat?
- Bitch, I love to eat dick and hotdogs.
(RuPaul laughs)
Come on bitch.
- All right, next she is America's favorite vegan mom,
please welcome Tabitha Brown.
- Hi Ru.
- Is that vegan?
- It absolutely is
and I have been vegan now for four months.
(RuPaul laughs)
- For just four months?
- Four months.
- Do you ever get cravings for meat?
- Absolutely.
- That's my answer too Ru.
- From Queer eye, it's Jonathan Van Ness.
Hi Jonathan.
- Hi, gorgeous seashell flower monkey
honey bunches of love, it is so good to be here honey.
(RuPaul laughs)
- Oh my God.
Your hair is so gorgeous.
What's the secret to keeping your hair silky smooth?
- Praying to the gay Jesus himself, me.
(RuPaul laughs)
- Next we've got TVs golden girl, Rue McClanahan.
Hi Rue.
- Well, hello there Mr. RuPaul.
- Hey, listen, how do you stay so gorgeous?
- Oh, it's just, you know, the good company of a gentle man.
- Do you have a type?
- Men.
- Is there a type of man that you like?
- Men.
- Okay. Well Rue, we are happy to have you here.
All right next, painter and TV icon Bob Ross.
- Hi there RuPaul,
I'm Bob Ross and welcome to The Joy of Snatch Game.
- Hey, what are you painting over there?
- I'm painting many, a many things,
I only know how to paint.
- What is that?
- Environments.
I painted this environment.
- That's really pretty.
- I painted this environment.
- [RuPaul] Oh my goodness, that's gorgeous.
- And, I wanted to switch things up
and I put this on the paper here
and it's a environment
- No.
That is not Bob Ross's voice at all.
Like, I'm not falling asleep to that.
- All right, stars,
are you ready to play the game?
(crowd cheers)
- Come on bitch, bring it on.
- Holy shit,
like we're about to do the (beep)ing snatch game.
(Matthew screams)
- All right.
I ask a question and you give an answer
that you'd think will match our celebrity's.
All right, our first question is for Raven.
Cancel culture is out of control.
Last week Winnie the Pooh got canceled
for blanking in the forest.
We're going to get some answers
from our celebrities over here.
All right, Raven, what say you?
- I believe Winnie the Pooh would have been canceled
for scatting in the forest.
- For scatting in the-
Like Ella Fitzgerald?
- Miss thing.
(raven scats)
- That's right.
Let's go to the celebrities
and see if you have any matches Raven.
What say you Paris?
- I was on a flight back from Ibiza yesterday.
- That's in Spain, right?
- I think.
- Yeah.
- I just go to sleep, with a couple pills,
wake up and DJ.
- What songs do you like to play when you're DJing?
- I honestly just press play
and hope for the best.
(crowd laughs)
There was a girl, Winnie, on my flight-
- [RuPaul] Oh.
- And I mentally canceled her cause she smelled insane.
(RuPaul laughs)
And so I wrote smelling.
(RuPaul laughs)
- Two words to describe who's killing it,
"That's hot."
- Thank you Paris.
All right, let's move on down to Patrick Starrr.
- Ru, I'm pissed.
- Why?
- 'Cause you said Porkchop was late.
Now bitch, I'm hungry.
So I thought you you ment the pork chops were late.
This bitch walked up in here,
now I got no food.
(crowd laughs)
- Now listen, we're looking for scatty.
What say you?
- I think that Winnie the Pooh got canceled
for sniffing.
The environment of course.
I have a few influencer friends who sniff the environment
every weekend who wanna be in appearance Paris Hilton.
After a few sniffs, bitch they gonna be scatting.
(RuPaul laughs)
Can I get some of this?
- Oh, absolutely.
I was just going to mention,
do you want to become a vegan too?
(RuPaul laughs)
That's an enthusiastic vegan.
- That's an enthusiastic vegan, I'll tell you.
All right.
Mary, Queen of Scots.
Oh, Mary!
- Back in my day, I guess I got canceled as well.
When I went down to England to try and overtake the throne
and Queen Lizzy, my cousin, she was really pissed at me,
so she cut my head off.
(crowd laughs)
So, I wrote, he got canceled for being a greedy bastard.
(crowd laughs)
One point for the team, right?
Oh.
- Rose has this accent that you can barely understand
anything she's (beep)ing saying.
It's hilarious.
But, you might as well call it the Candy Muse accent.
- Do you know what I'm talking about?
(crowd laughs)
- Let's go on down to Tabitha Brown.
We are looking for scatting,
what say you?
- I came up with shouting.
I think, recently we've just been so loud.
Why can't we be, you know, just a little quieter?
You know, I've recently got into ASMR.
(apple crunches)
Oh, ASMR stands for what?
- Um.
A much as you can be not loud.
- Okay. All right.
- Imma do cricket sounds.
(cricket chatters)
(Elliot laughs)
- All right, let's move on down to Richard Simmons.
Winnie the Pooh got canceled for blanking in the forest.
What say you?
- Well, RuPaul, he's been doing a lot in the forest
but he got canceled for jogging.
(crowd laughs)
- [RuPaul] For jogging in the forest.
- Yeah, he's been jogging.
We taught him a new exercise routine.
Would you like to try it with us?
- Well, let's see it.
- Yeah, it's called the owl.
You want to do it with me?
- [RuPaul] Oh, oh.
- And then we did the Tigger.
(crowd laughs)
- Oh, what did she just call me?
Rue McClanahan, what say you?
- Well, I said Miss Winnie the Pooh was canceled
for enjoying the company of a gentleman friend.
- For enjoying the company of a gentlemen friend.
- I love gentlemen.
- [RuPaul] Okay. All right Rue.
Elliot, Rue McClanahan, RuPaul loves her,
you gotta do more.
Bring more, amp it up.
Come on this is the snatch game girl.
- Well, Raven, there are no matches there.
Are you trying to lose this game Raven?
- No, I just don't give a (beep).
(crowd laughs)
- All right, so let's go to Porkchop for our next question.
Porkchop, you ready to play?
- I hope.
- All right, listen to this question.
When it gets super hot in Palm Springs
Ross Matthews fries his eggs on blank.
Celebrities, get to writing.
Are the celebrities ready?
(stamp thumps)
Okay.
It looks like Harriet Tubman is validating some parking.
Harriet, do you have a stamp?
- Let me tell you what they did
up in this mother(beep) country.
- Oh, what have they done?
- Okay, they done told me
I was going to be put on the $20 bill.
- And then this mother(beep) got into office and said,
"Oh, we going to snatch that."
- Oh.
- So, you know what I did? - What?
- I just put myself on a $100 bill, how 'bout that bill?
(crowd laughs)
- Harriet Tubman, she keeps it 100.
Okay, all right.
Porkchop, when it gets super hot in Palm Springs,
Ross Matthews fries his eggs on blank.
- Carson Kressley.
- Ooh!
Let's go to Jonathan Van Ness.
- I've heard of this Carson Kressley character.
- That's right, he's original fab five.
- Right, let's just say I was a replacement,
a little more younger, a little more supple.
(crowd laughs)
- Ross Matthews fries is eggs on what?
- Now, the only thing hotter than Palm Springs
is our resident culinary expert, Antoni.
So, I wrote Antoni's ass cheeks.
(crowd laughs)
- Hey, so do you have a type?
I do have a thing for men with the kind of beards that say,
"Hold me in your arms until all the pain goes away."
But also "Power drills are on aisle 7, honey."
Yes.
(crowd laughs)
- Rue, McClanahan.
What do you think Ross Matthews fries his eggs on?
- Well I said just out on the lanai.
I just love it eating it on the lanai.
- Yes.
- I love spending company with many, many, many, many
many man out on the Lanai.
I like this Antoni gentleman,
you said he has, you know,
really nice butt you could eat breakfast on girl?
- Great assets.
Turn him over and you can make a Benedict.
(crowd laughs)
- Let's move on down to Harriet Tubman.
Who would you have portray you in the movie of your life?
Jennifer Lewis maybe?
- Yes. Jennifer Lewis.
You know the white people,
they always saying they can do every god damn thing.
So, let her go.
- Well, Jennifer Lewis is not white.
(bell dings)
- Jennifer Lewis!
(crowd laughs)
Not Jennifer Lawrence.
- No, not Jennifer Lawrence.
- Oh, I got my Jennifer's mixed up.
- [RuPaul] Oh.
- Symone, I hope you know that Jennifer Lewis
is coming for that ass.
- All right, well, let's move on down to Bob Ross.
Ross Matthew fries his eggs on-
- So, when I was thinking about this question
I thought about his undies.
- His undies?
- And the color of those little, little hot diggity dogs
that are down there.
And it really reminded of me of my favorite color.
So, I just said-
(spray can rattles)
(spray can hisses)
- [RuPaul] Okay.
- You want to taste it?
It tastes delicious.
This tastes delicious.
- Oh dear.
Oh, okay.
- I'm looking at you Carson.
- Uh, huh.
Okay.
- You know, maybe I didn't watch enough Bob Ross.
But Utica's eating paint.
- All right, let's go to our next question.
This one is for Raven.
Last night, Michelle Visage cheated on her vegan diet.
She missed the taste of blank.
All right, Raven.
She missed the taste of-
- Porkchop.
(crowd laughs)
- All right Raven, we're going to go to the celebrities
and see if you match any of them.
We have an esteemed group of celebrities here.
- I like Vicki Lawrence a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry, it's Richard.
(crowd laughs)
- [RuPaul] Oh my goodness.
Richard, that's got to hurt!
- No, I've been exercising my whole life.
- Oh my goodness.
All right.
Let's go to Paris Hilton.
Now, I venture to say you've never had pork chops before.
- I have not, but my sister just married a Rothschild.
So, I'm the poor sister now.
(crowd laughs)
- Last night Michelle Visage cheated on her vegan diet,
she missed the taste of-
- I'm going to stick with what I know here
to be safe.
And so I wrote huge (beep).
(crowd laughs)
Sticking with what we know.
- All right, not a match for Raven.
- I'm not good at this Ru.
I'm hungover.
- All right, let's move on down to Tabitha Brown.
- I miss, um, er, or Michelle Visage misses
the barbecue ribs.
- [RuPaul] Barbecue ribs.
- I do know a great vegan barbecue rib recipe.
- What is that? Okay.
- You take some tofu.
- [RuPaul] Yeah.
- And some garlic powder and roll it in some seaweed
and put it in the oven.
- [RuPaul] Sure.
- For about 320 degrees.
- [RuPaul] Yeah.
- Right.
And then you take it out of the oven
and you throw it in the trash
and order you some real barbecue ribs.
- Uh huh. Okay.
Let's go to Harriet Tubman.
Now, Harriet Tubman, Michelle Visage
cheated on her vegan diet.
She missed the taste of-
- I was over here listening into your question.
- Uh huh.
- And I said, this is a nosy ass baldheaded mother(beep).
- Uh huh.
(RuPaul laughs)
- So I said pork chops, chitlins and ham.
(crowd cheers)
(RuPaul laughs)
- We got a match.
Let's move on down to Mary, Queen of Scots.
We are looking for Porkchop what say you?
- Right, so I said that Michelle Visage
cheated on her vegan diet because she missed the taste
of anything that isn't this (beep)ing apple
that this vegan bitch done here gave me for (beep) sake.
(crowd laughs)
- Okay.
Well, very good answer.
Not a match.
All right, let's move on down to Bob Ross.
You're painting your face, Bob Ross.
- I ran out of cards
and so I started using my face.
- Oh, why not?
We are looking for Porkchop.
What say you Bob Ross?
- So, I said happy little Porkchop.
(bell dings)
- Oh my goodness.
- Unfortunately I don't think she's little.
But a happy, happy pork chop.
- Well, that's another point for Raven.
Well, I'm hearing that time is up.
(crowd groans)
The winner of Snatch Game is Victoria "Porkchop" Parker.
Oh wow, well done.
(contestants laugh)
Say goodnight stars.
- [contestants] Goodnight stars!
(comical music)