• From complaining about your last meal to rambling about Jesus and alien motherships
we look at 15 creepiest last words from death row criminals.
15 – “I did not get my Spaghetti-Os, I got spaghetti.
I want the press to know this”, • Ah the old last meal tradition, you spend
years locked away fantasising about steak, lobster and Spaghetti-O’s.
• Sometimes you just can’t beat the taste of canned pasta…at least that was the key
thing on Thomas Grasso’s mind when he was being lead to death and boy was he angry when
the guards served him plain Spaghetti.
• Of course the reasonable thing to do with your last breath is complaining about your
food…not apologising for strangling an old lady with her Christmas lights.
14 – “Go Raiders”, • Well sports fans here’s some final words
for you to follow, as long as you don’t mind following in the footsteps of convicted
murderer.
• Robert Charles Comer was executed for murder and rape charges but apparently had
a smile on his face the whole time he was lead to be executed with his final words to
be about the important things in life.
• Comer was also on record as saying “death is not that damn bad”… well try telling
that to the guy you killed Robert, I’m sure he feels the same way.
13 – "I was once asked by somebody, if there was any way sex offenders could be stopped.
I said no.
I was wrong.", • Well if you want advice on how to stop
sex offenders then you must think like a sex offender.
• Or just take Westley Allan Dodd’s word for it.
Dodd had been sexually abusing other children from the age of 13 and used his first hand
insight and last words to tell us that the only way to stop child molesters is to lock
them up and kill them.
• While some would be all for executing them, the creepiness about this is that Dodd
really believed nothing would ever stop him from touching kiddies which is a chilling
look inside a molester’s mind.
12 –“… the other joke is that I am not Patrick Bryan Knight and y’all can’t stop
this execution now.
Go ahead, I’m finished.”’
• Who doesn’t love a comedian at an execution, its one place that definitely needs a mood
brightener?
• Patrick Bryan Knight had fancied himself quite the jokester, having a website while
on death row called “dead man laughing” that was a kind of sweepstakes with the prize
being you deciding what his last words were so long as it was a joke.
• Turns out Patrick didn’t choose any of the jokes submitted and decided to go for
the “I’m an imposter” gag.
Well at least he didn’t “why did the chicken cross the road” joke, then the death penalty
would be deserved.
11 – “Let’s Do It!”, • Someone being overly enthused about dying
become a corporate trademark for your sneakers?
Well there’s nothing weird about that at all.
• That’s right the ad agency that came up with the slogan “Just do it” was inspired
by the murder Gary Gilmore’s last words which probably means you won’t be able to
see a Nike ad without thinking about capital punishment.
• The again Gary was killed by firing squad.
If he only had a pair of Nike’s on he could have out run the bullets to freedom.
10 – “Capital punishment: them without the capital get the punishment.”,
• Need a rallying cry that you can put on a badge or bumper sticker to protest capital
punishment?
• Then take the words of John Spenklink who used the phrase to sign off all his prison
correspondence even to his last breath.
But that’s just assumed, John was strapped, blindfolded and gagged before the witnesses
arrived leading to rumours that he had his neck broken before the execution.
But these turned out false.
• Spenklink had used the line to highlight how the system screwed over the poor and I
guess they did one last time by denying him last words.
9 – “Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel”,
• So this is what happens when you have a love for puns and a lot..ALOT of time on
your hands.
• George Appel was facing the electric chair for killing a NYC police officer and he had
obviously been thinking of the perfect joke for way too long.
But unlike Patrick Knight, Appel actually told a joke.
• Apparently he also joked to the guards “Damn, no power outage” when being walked
to the chair.
Sounds like he would have been great at a dinner party.
Mm Baked George Appel. 8 – "It does kind of burn",
• Ever wondered how it feels to get a dose of lethal poison into your veins?
Well good news you sicko.
• Jose Villegas who stabbed his ex-girlfriend, her mother and her 3 yr old son to death certainly
doesn’t get any sympathy but the words bring to the forefront what it would feel like to
be systematically poisoned to death.
• Not to mention the times where the injection system hasn’t worked properly, regardless
of your stance on execution it’s a terrible fate for someone to endure…only on par with
having to watch an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.
7 – “Good people are always so sure they’re right.”,
• The final words of a woman who protested her innocence would have had to have made
everyone in the room second guess what they were doing.
• “Bloody Babs” as the newspapers called her was sent to the gas chamber for killing
64 yr.
old Mabel Monohan in a botched robbery, where the victim was repeatedly pistol whipped in
the face.
• Considering the evidence was pretty stacked up against Babs, I bet she didn’t think
that bad people are always so sure they are right too especially when they smack an old
lady to death for money.
6 – “How’s this for a headline?
‘French Fries.’”, • The only gallows comedian to be able to
beat George Appel at his own game, James D French.
• French made the pun while being wired up to be executed for murdering his cellmate.
Apparently French was too afraid to commit suicide so he killed someone else so that
the state would kill him.
Seems fair right.
• Looks like French wasn’t terrified at all by executed though with the jokes he was
cracking but we are talking about someone who thought killing someone else to commit
state assisted suicide was reasonable idea.
5 – “Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard!
I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around!”,
• This phrase should give you a tiny taste of what type of bastard Carl Panzram was when
he was alive.
• Confessing to 22 murders and raping over 1,000 men, threatening to kill human rights
advocates protesting his execution and spitting in the executioners face before insulting
him were just some of the highlights from a man in the running for “Most evil motherfucker
1930”.
• It’s hard to know how much of what Panzram admitted to was true but there’s enough
evidence in his behaviour to suggest that he probably did even more terrible things.
4 – “I’ll be in hell before you start breakfast, boys.
Let her rip!”, • Sometimes it’s not the words themselves
that are creepy but what happens after they are said that makes all the difference.
• That’s what happened to Tom Ketchum who was hung for trying to rob a train.
Tom was eager to face the reaper, a little too eager it seems as the rope cleanly sliced
through his neck getting him on the express track to hell.
• The decapitated body spurted blood all and gave new ironic meaning to Tom’s last
words but hey it’s nothing to lose your head over right guys?
Right?
3 – “I’d just like to say I’m sailing with the rock, and I’ll be back like Independence
Day, with Jesus, June 6th.
Like the movie, big mother ship and all.
I’ll be back.”, • If you have seen the film ‘Monster’
then you will know something of this famous killer but probably not her batshit crazy
last words.
• Aileen Wuornos said a lot of weird stuff before the execution including that the police
covered up her first murders to create a serial killer and something called sonic pressure
driving her mad.
But this stuff about coming back with the aliens from Independence Day and Jesus takes
the cake.
• Oh wait...Is this what Independence Day: Resurgence will actually be?
Oh man spoiler warning Aileen!
2 – “Tell me.
After my head has been chopped off, will I still be able to hear…the sound of my own
blood gushing…that would be a pleasure to end all pleasures”,
• A severed head of a serial killer mentally getting off at the moment of death…nah nothing
creepy about that at all.
• These deranged words were spoken by Peter Kurten, the Vampire of Dusseldorf who met
his end at the blade of the guillotine.
Kurten earned his title by drinking the blood of at least one victim.
His head was mummified and put on display around the world for scientists to examine.
• Trust a guy with vampire as a nickname to find the Brightside to getting your head
chopped off.
Other than becoming a Ripley’s Believe it or Not!
Attraction that is.
1 – "You can kiss my ass.
You'll never find the rest!", • Oh boy we finally get to the world’s
worst birthday clown with the disturbing taunt he threw before his execution.
• John Wayne Gacy was charged with 33 murders among other bad stuff and decided to continue
being an asshole until his death with his last words taunting police that they won’t
find the other victims he killed.
• The words hint at the evil underneath the clown make-up which illustrates the number
one rule in life, never trust a clown.