- Dogs are cute.
- Yeah, it's great 'cause it looks like they're partying.
- [Male] Is that just on a wall in San Francisco?
- Oh, this one was a parrot that we saw on the street
and I was sad 'cause it was on a leash,
but then they took off the leash and it just sat there.
OK, that's enough.
Oh, after that point, it's just gonna be, like,
bad old pictures of me.
- What the fuck is on that phone?
- We are in a 21st-century, autonomous relationship.
We're allowed to have our own lives.
- What happened in San Francisco
will not stay in San Francisco.
- This is going really well,
we will not mess this up with jealousy.
- Whose parrot is that?
There is another guy's arm on her phone.
- It's probably just some crazy street person
who owns the parrot.
- We cannot compete with some bird-owning,
thick-mustache hipster who probably
works for an app company!
- Do all guys in San Francisco work for app companies?
- Yes, and all the apps are successful.
And all of them have this, "I just rolled out
"of bed, but I'm still really attractive" look.
- Could I see that parrot picture again?
- Hmm?
- Um, I just, I'm thinking about getting a parrot,
I want to see what kind it is.
- Wait, really?
- Yeah!
- Oh, maybe we can get a parrot
and train it to sign for packages.
What's your password?
- Oh, I got it.
- Why the fuck won't he give us his password?
- You don't have to share everything.
I mean, people have boundaries.
Maybe he has one password for everything.
- He's smarter than that.
- I don't know, look at him.
- [Male] Ugh, I'm still not used
to not having a start menu.
- He'd share his password if he thought
that you were "The One."
- That is a gross chain of thought.
- Love is fleeting.
We are alone in the universe.
- Come on, we have a great relationship.
- There are problems in the relationship
that you don't even see!
- We're fine. Everyone's fine.
- [Male] So many tabs.
- Hey, wait. Lemme show you something.
- Oooh, tropical Kanye.
- Yeah, he's in Belize.
- Dude, we gotta go to Belize.
- Yeah.
Wait, Tim from work just went to Belize.
Let's see how much tickets were.
- Tim from work?!
Tim from work?!
- Yeah, Tim's her team leader.
She talks about him all the time.
- Ah, yep, yeah, uh-huh, mhm.
Position of authority, calls him by his shortened name.
Does that not worry you, Christopher?
For it worries me profoundly.
- Who's that third girl with them?
- I don't know, I haven't really been
keeping up with the Kardashi-- oh wow,
I did not mean to do that.
- Mmm, well she's pretty.
- Pretty?! Why would he tell us that?
- We know we're attractive, and we know that Chris agrees.
- Do we though?
- Shut up.
- Do we? We need to confront him, get the truth.
- Hey, listen Chris, I, um...
(loud fart)
(alarm blaring) - Abort, abort!
- Alright, that was embarassing, but...
- We've lost all of our leverage.
We have to tell him we have food poisoning.
We have to go home.
- Wait, no, look at his face.
He seems okay with it.
Does it mean that we're...
- Comfortable around each other!
- She's pushing us away.
She doesn't even care about
being attractive around us anymore.
The honeymoon phase is over.
- Over it! Water under the bridge, not a big deal.
(alarm blaring) - He's breaking up with us.
Everybody's gonna break up with us.
We're gonna die alone.
Give us two days and we'll be dead, alone.
- Humans fart. All creatures fart, really.
Stop harboring these weird...
- Insecurities. Talk to her!
- Now is the time to yell at her.
- No, now is the time
to tell her how you feel!
- [Chris] I really like you. - [Female] I really like you.
- And my password is "666DeathtoTyrants."
- I just didn't want you to look at my phone
'cause I have so many selfies.
- And sometimes I feel like I'm not as successful as you.
Or I don't have-- - What?! Sometimes I feel like
my weird little toast body...
- What? No, you are the most beautiful
girl in the world to me.
- I like that we can just sit on the couch
and, like, have fun together.
- You're awesome.
- You're awesome. I love you.
- Aww, I love you.
- We just said that.
- Yeah, I love you.
- I love you, too.
I'm glad I farted.
(upbeat funky music)