- Are you guys fudging with me right now?
- Look, you were so loud.
The neighbors thought you were a fire alarm.
Every dog in the neighborhood started howling
during your rendition of "Thank U, Next."
- Ariana Grande wishes she had my range.
- I, I don't hear any-
(dogs barking)
Okay, but they hear it.
- Hey, my mom's coming over.
Could you put on something more presentable?
- So now I gotta put on a three piece suit
just 'cause your mom is coming over?
- I mean, just like pants would be nice.
- You are really asking a lot of me.
- Okay, everybody, we're having a house talent show tonight.
I expect everyone to show up and present
their talent to the group.
I want everyone to come out of their shell a little bit.
Okay, just text me with your act and the time slot
you'd like to go on stage.
- The 16 of us living together is great.
It's like the hit TV show "Friends."
- Except we're not really friends,
we're just cohabitants who met on Craigslist.
- That's exactly what Ross would say.
- Why do I even bother making this meticulous chore chart
if everyone's just gonna ignore it?
Is anyone even interested in earning gold stars anymore?
Or should I just scrap the whole thing
and hand out participation trophies?
Because I can do that if it'll make everyone feel included.
- Ooh.
Oh, hey dude.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I just wanna let you know I'm having a couple people
over tonight, okay?
- Oh, okay.
So like a couple, like two?
- Uh, yeah, like tw...enty.
Thanks for being cool about it, dude.
- Hey buddy.
Just making sure you're still alive in here.
Need anything like a snack or a beverage?
- How about some peace and quiet?
- Sure thing. (keyboard ticking)
(silence)
- Yeah, I'll have a Coke Zero.
- Coming right up.
- This pile of dirty laundry is like a metaphor
for my lack of motivation.
The more I ignore it, the more it piles up.
Taunting me.
Worsening my antipathy.
- You could make an art installation out of this, man.
- Or you could just like wash them.
- You know what?
You're right.
This pile is a masterpiece and I should frame it.
- Yeah, it should be in a museum.
- Or you know, like in the washing machine.
- Sh sh sh, no.
- Hey, talent show, still plenty of spots open.
Guys, you gotta sign up.
You gotta get in on this.
You don't know who's gonna be there.
You might get discovered.
- Did you take the rest of my eggs?
- No, I threw 'em away.
They were way past the expiration date.
- So let me get this straight.
You're gonna let the manufacturer dictate to you
when you should throw out their product
and then buy some more.
Oh, that's really convenient.
It's called planned obsolescence, okay?
And it makes me sick.
- They were so old, they were practically clucking.
- You know what? Cluck you.
- You're silly, man.
- I wanted some eggies.
- You know, I realized we've lived together for two years
and I don't even know what your last name is.
- Good.
- You did it again, dude.
- You're gonna have to be more specific than that.
- You used up all the toilet paper
and then left the empty roll
for the next person to discover in their time of need.
- Oh man, I'm so sorry, but actually that makes me think
of something that I could invent,
like a roll of toilet paper that never runs out.
- Okay. - I'll call it
the never ending TP.
- You can call it perpetual poopy paper, for all I care.
Just replace the empty one next time.
♪ The never ending TP ♪
(roll thuds)
- Hey Bob, we got a house talent show tonight at 8:00 PM.
You wanna come by? Check it out.
No? Okay.
- Hey buddy, your room is a mess.
- You're not my mom, dude.
- Okay, well I've taken the liberty of taking pictures
of your room and I will send them to your mother
if you don't get this under control.
- You wouldn't.
- When you don't get results, always ask for the manager.
- Okay. It's eight o'clock
and you're the only person who signed up
for the house talent show.
So let's see what you got.
- You can't stop the karaoke.
- (sighing) It's been a long week.
Now I can finally relax.
(dogs barking outside)
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪