Good morning and welcome to semester 2022. We hope that you were able to
have a wonderful holiday and that you are ready for another semester. Here at BYU
a few years ago, a woman was waiting at an airport for her long flight. Since her flight was delayed,
she had several hours on her hands. So, she went to an airport shop and bought a book
and a bag of cookies. She took a seat next to a man and started to read the book.
While she was engrossed in her book, she happened to see the man sitting beside her boldly grab a
cookie from the cookie bag and begin to eat it. The woman was shocked at this brazen act, but
she chose to ignore the incident to avoid a scene. However, to ward off any additional misbehavior,
she grabbed one of the cookies from the bag and began munching on it as she went back to her book.
Much to her horror, she noticed that the man took two more cookies from the bag and began
to eat them. In response, she grabbed another cookie and dramatically put it into her mouth.
The man then took another cookie and put it into his mouth. She responded in kind as did he.
Every time she took a cookie from the bag, he took one.
When the last cookie was left, the man nervously took that cookie and broke it in half.
He he offered the other half to the lady and smiled. Irritated and definitely not smiling,
the lady snatched the other half of the cookie from him, popped it into her mouth,
and thought "this guy has some nerve after eating half of my cookies. He didn't even say thank you."
She was so galled by the man that she was relieved when her flight was called just as
she finished the last half cookie. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing
to look back at that thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane and sat in her seat to read her book.
She reached her hand into her bag and was surprised to find a bag full of cookies.
Suddenly her countenance changed from anger to wonder, then to embarrassment. "If my cookies are
here," she realized, "the other bag from what she had been eating must have belonged to the man."
He was not stealing her cookies. He was sharing his.
She was filled with a feeling of guilt and regret for her mistaken judgment.
She felt even more chagrined because it was now too late to apologize.
Tell me, can you relate to this story? Have you had ever had an experience in which you
harshly judged someone and then learned that you were seriously mistaken and that it was too late
to apologize for the error that you made? I have, and I suspect many of you have as well.
After all, our mortal existence is designed to help us experience and overcome all kinds of
feelings. They might may not arise over a bag of cookies, but they can be overwhelming nonetheless.
Let me suggest three things that we can do to avoid or respond to such situations.
First, we should be slow to ascribe to others bad intent. It's easy to rush to incorrect judgments.
Sometimes we may find ourselves creating our own narratives because of a lack of full information.
That means we can decide what narrative to use. When we face that choice, we should assume good
faith. If we learn to look at situations from a perspective of charity of or good faith,
we can avoid experiencing the feeling of guilt and regret that arise when we are too quick
or too harsh in forming our opinions. Elder Renlund reminds us that, "When we cultivate
the love of god in our hearts, our love of God and our discipleship of Jesus Christ generate
genuine concern for others. We approach disagreements [and i add misunderstandings]
with meekness, patience, and kindness. We worry less about our own sensitive sensitivities
and more about our neighbors. We assume that those with whom we disagree are doing the best they can
with the life experiences they have." Second, when we do misjudge as we inevitably will it's
important to remember that we are not perfect. Misinterpretations and misunderstandings happen
sometimes. We spend too much time focusing exclusively on the things that we did wrong
because we are all trying to do the best we can. There are often positive actions that we can latch
onto even when we make our mistakes. For example, the woman in the story didn't create a scene.
She didn't say anything unkind, although she may have wanted to, and she continued to allow
the man to eat his own cookies. She didn't grab the back of cookies and go sit somewhere else.
That would have been awful.
And, she ultimately recognized that she was in the wrong,
and she would have apologized if she could have done so. These are things that she did do right,
and she could use those actions to increase her hope. The next time, she could do even better.
Just as we should assume good faith in the actions of others we should also interpret our own actions
in a charitable manner, giving ourselves credit for the things that we do well even in the midst
of our imperfections. Elder Holland stated that, "Around the church, I hear many who struggle
with this issue. I am just not good enough, I fall so far short, I will never measure up.
I know we are God's spiritual sons and daughters with divine potential to become as He is.
I also know that as children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves as if beating up on
ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to become. No, with a willingness to
repent, and a desire for increased righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue
personal improvement in a way that doesn't include feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem."
Yes, we can do better, but by focusing only on the things we do wrong,
we can prevent ourselves from realizing our defined potential so do not be afraid to give
yourself credit for the things you did do right and use that as a springboard to do even better
the next time. Third and most importantly, as we strive to avoid misunderstandings and incorrect
judgments, we need to diligently keep our focus on the Savior. He can help us avoid misjudgments. He
can help us improve and overcome all our mistakes and weaknesses. By focusing on Jesus Christ,
we invite his spirit into our lives. Through that spirit, Christ changes us. Through that spirit,
he expands our perspective and helps us see things as they really are, which helps us to judge
both ourselves and others in a more charitable and accurate light. He will also give us the hope
that both we and those around us are not stuck with our imperfections, but can continue to grow
and become more like him.Iit is no surprise then that as we focus more on Christ our lives improve.
President Russell M. Nelson emphasized this in the last general conference when he stated,
I plead with you to make time for the Lord. Make your own spiritual foundation firm by doing those
things that allow the Holy Ghost to be with you always." President Nelson reminded us to,
"never underestimate the profound truth that 'the spirit speaketh of things as they really are
and of things as they really will be.' It will show unto you all things what you should do."
Nothing invites the spirit more than fixing your focus on Jesus Christ. May we heed this prophetic
plea to invite the Savior into our lives daily by saying setting aside time each day for him.
As we do so, he will help us make correct judgments and guide us through the difficulties
and challenges that we face with more patience, compassion, and forgiveness
to ourselves and others. I so promise in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.