Hello horror fans - what’s going on, and welcome back to the scariest channel on YouTube
- Top 5 Scary Videos - where we’ve got another bloodthirsty breakdown of all things horror
cinema - my favourite after dinner conversational topic - horror characters who were just too
smart to end up dead.
Come on in guys and huddle around this metaphorical campfire - as we pull out the dead pool and
try and tally up just who the hell is left, and take a look at the Top 5 Smartest Horror
Victims.
Roll the clip.
Be it the Final Girl - an infamous horror trope cultivated with the rise of the cinematic
slasher in the early 1970s - or just plain old dumb-luck and fortunate timing - we - the
audience of a horror film need to have someone to root for as the killer massacres their
way across our screens - it can’t all be bleak hopelessness - but sporadic flashpoints
of horror hope - a gruesome, bloody way out of the darkness.
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On with the show.
There’s a few honorable mentions for this list, The Shining’s Wendy Torrance - and
The Things R.J MacReady - but for the most part, I think we’ve got you covered.
Kicking off at our Number 5 spot - Doug, from The Hills Have Eyes.
Doug makes this list because - well, I just love this movie - The Hills Have Eyes, both
the 1977 version and the 2006 remake are a gut-wrenching tour-de-force of hopelessness
and helplessness.
But - well, not for our boy Doug - far from it, in fact - because if you didn’t know,
if you wield a baseball bat after some radioactive cannibals stole your baby - you instantly
become the baddest mother trucker in the valley.
And then you get a shotgun.
Hell yeah, Doug.
Well - I don’t want to spoil a lot for you if you haven’t seen it - but The Hills Have
Eyes features the Carter family as they travel through the Nevada desert and subsequently
fall into the ambush of a family of incestuous cannibals.
In the 1977 original, Martin Speer takes on the role of Doug - the unwitting husband of
Lynne, one of the Carter’s daughters.
He’s feeble, he’s not as practical as his father-in-law, Bob - but all that matters
not - because Doug’s a survivor - and he’s out for revenge.
Coming in next at Number 4 - Marty, from The Cabin in the Woods.
Well - what a great film all in all.
2012’s The Cabin in the Woods, written by the legendary Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard
was a fresh new departure from the stale, boring torture porn niche that the genre had
been backed into - and tore the rule book apart with it’s bizarre meta-pastiche of
all things horror cinema.
All of which is summed up by the greatest genre-flipping character of recent times - Marty
- the stereotypical stoner.
If we take Wes Craven’s Scream, or Victor Millers Friday the 13th for example - then
usually, if you smoke the herb - you’ll more than likely end up dead, somewhere around
the second act of the film.
I mean - they had to do it, else everyone would be smoking their way out of a sticky
slasher situation.
But - not in Marty’s case - quite the opposite, in fact.
His proficiency with the fine art of marijuana had made him highly tolerant to some of the
more nefarious devices throughout the film - and his - perspective - shall we say, of
ancient logics, allowed him to think outside of the box when the true villain of the movie
was revealed.
Marty definitely has his priorities straight.
Next up at Number 3 - Sarah, from The Descent.
As we make our way into the latter side of this list - you’ll notice that our top three
spots are reserved for final girls.
Mainly because, generally in horror cinema - women are smarter and less prone to rage-fueled
onslaughts, and we can all learn a lesson from that.
However, in our next example - that’s not saying Sarah Carter, played by Shauna Macdonald
isn’t too far removed from a bloodbath.
Nope - far from it, in fact.
If you haven’t seen Neil Marshall’s The Descent, a British tour-de-force of subterranean
horror released in 2005 - following six women, rock-climbing enthusiasts who enter a remote
cave system and find something lurking inside - then you should.
Because it’s a fantastic A to B thrill ride - and what little it does, it does very well.
I wouldn’t say that Sarah Carter is necessarily the smartest of characters - but she doesn’t
hesitate for a single split-second when it comes to decision making - which sets her
soaring up this list.
Swinging in next at Number 2 - Erin, from You’re Next.
There are so many twists and turns in 2011’s You’re Next, written by Simon Barrett and
directed by Adam Wingard - that are reason enough to watch it, but if you weren’t sold
by that - then watch it purely for one of the most badass horror characters of all time
- seriously, I don’t say this lightly - Erin played by Sharni Vinson.
This film pretty much went under the radar, and isn’t checking off any boxes for groundbreaking
concepts or standout roles - which seemingly makes it even better then, that this film
delivered one of horror’s most resourceful final girls of all time.
Seriously, she’s unstoppable.
You’re Next plays a lot with the fear of home invasion - along the lines of The Strangers
and Straw Dogs - but turns up the gritty close-up tension to the next level in a real family-dinner-night
gone terribly wrong.
It’s not revolutionary in any way - but what it lacks in introspection it makes up
for in pure entertainment - as well as delivering us Erin, who stands way above this film soaked
in blood and weilding a blender.
And finally - at our Number 1 spot - Ripley, from Alien.
There’s not a lot I can say about this really, other than the fact that Sigourney Weaver’s
Warrant Officer Ripley is a character who does two things to perfection.
She makes zero mistakes.
And she survives.
Ripley was never meant to be a sidekick or a damsel in distress - she was meant to punch
the damsel in the face and tell her to snap out of it before the xenomorph rips them all
to shreds.
She’s pushy - she’s rude - she’s generally always injured in some shape or form - she’s
definitely suffering from PTSD - but she’s one thing above all things, she’s determined
to save us - even if it means giving up a part of herself.
For me, Ripley easily soars into the top spot above everyone else.
She managed to survive 4 films into Ridley Scott’s xenomorph franchise - and as anyone
will tell you, that’s no easy feat.
Well, that’s my list guys - who makes yours?
Let us know in the comment box down below.
Unfortunately that’s all we’ve got time for today folks, make sure to hit that thumbs
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dose of horror.
As per usual, I’ve been your host Jack Finch - you’ve been watching Top 5 Scary Videos,
and until next time - you take it easy.