Jaundice and
doctors couldn't diagnosed at the right time, and than relapse
and at the same time financial crunch, at the same time my mother was going through her kimo
everything that can go wrong
but there came a point where I was too ashamed to meet anybody because
people would call me to watch a movie which is my biggest satisfaction but I was like if I go and spend 350 rupees on this movie
what do I do next
like you know how in India now there is movement of no body shaming for women
why isn't there for men? why is every hero suppose to look like duplicate of each other
that one call of ' what are doing' we talk like that
or Karan would make fun of me that before me the leaf falls down fast but
what they did was that they ensure that I was not left alone because there was a danger
So, Hi, Shardul, Hi Welcome to PINKVILLA. This is for our segment which is called Untold story
people have known you, as VJ, as a TV actor and of course you have done your bit everywhere but
there is still a side of you which people don't know, which we're perhaps going to see in the Big Boss house but
before that, there is so much, I know your story is inspiring and I would like you to share with people outside
exactly what kind of a journey you have had, if I had to ask you, I do remember at one point
you thought there is nothing left in this career for you and you had shift back to your town
was that decision hard because I know today when you even think about not having a work after a point, it just gives me
like you know, I even frat over it, like it's not happened yet I frat over it
I can imagine for someone who was in that situation, how difficult it could have been
you tell me what was that process like
yes it is heart breaking, it is heart wrenching, it is, for anybody
you know specially I was this boy who was 110 kgs at one point of time, when I was a radio jockey in Indore
when Zee India's best senior star's search happened
and I lost my weight in say month or 2 and people thought wow, wow, wow
and I won from there, Divyanka, me, Bharat and Paragi won from there, I came again and nothing happened and then I went back to radio
then again I thought and acting happened
so I had this kind of confidence or probably to the point of being over confidence that I can do anything
that happens to people if they achieve too much out of their weaknesses
I was wrong there, and I think life decided we are going to teach him a lesson because after that also, I went to Dubai
after doing Bandini and some more work and when I was leaving Dubai, and I was number one jock there and everyone said don't do it because
the industry is changed, everything is changed and here nobody is going to give you work
again I was like, I am going to do it and I think I was working from the place of arrogance
although it was working in my favor, I did come back after 6 years, I did get a lead, I did became a VJ, I did host BCL
so everybody was feeding in, to me the same thing that you can do anything
and that I think was a very wrong thing that I did to myself and people around me did to me
because you need to be grounded
and life thought me that when suddenly my show Kuldeepak got over, my money is got stuck for year an a half
and I was like, even this will get fine, but this time it didn't work
so initial 3-4 months you're okay, everything will happen, work and all
than 6 months, than almost a year than I said I am going to do new things because I was still working from the place of arrogance
I was like, No, No, I am very very talented , but so is everybody , so is everybody
and you know it was important for me to go through that because now I am a humble person, now I am somebody who doesn't think
the world revolves around me, which was the case
and at that time every bad things that can happen in the books happened to me
I was prepping up for a web series where I was suppose to do scenes
so obviously I had to go on steroids because I am a thin boy and
I went on to steroids and it went wrong and
Jaundice and
doctors couldn't diagnosed it at right time and relapse
and at the same time financial crunch, at the same time my mother was going through her kimo
everything that can go wrong and than the mighty famous lockdown happened so
the decision of leaving was not coming from a place of heartbreak, was coming from a place of wisdom because
and I want to tell this to everybody that, we make acting an unrealistic goal and passion, when you call anything your passion it goes wrong
if I love you it's great, but if I have passion and obsession for you it's bound to break
so at that time it was best decision I took because, I was like,
infact I made a song about it, you know ''lockdown ho gaya hai, na paise hai, na rent hai,''
like don't have money to buy break and eggs but paying for rent is necessary, so how do I become self dependent
so that was the case at that time happening with me, but I think that was the best decision
because what I did is, I said I had to cut down my expenses till the time I start doing something
that time, I started looking out for jobs, I called up people saying that, Hi, do you have anything in production
Hi, can I get into creatives I am a very creative guy, Hi, radio can you give me a job
call centers, I had applied for call center jobs , and I had spoken to apps who were paying me 10,000 rupees for a month
to make videos, and that was a very humbling experience because, every month I had a stress that
where will I get money for my basic needs, and my mother went through a very bad health at that time
so I think God showed me, so all this darkness also, something so beautiful comes out and
not one but two opportunities came out which will happen very soon, I can't talk about next post Big Boss which I have already signed
so yeah
it is humbling to even hear the fact because you know, I think all of us take a lot of time to understand where we go wrong in the initial parts of our career and
to accept that we go wrong in itself is big, you mentioned that
there were obviously we go through emotional ups and downs
and specially when financial condition gets little bad that is
it is a very petty place, how did you, pull yourself from that situation
it is not a happy situation you know, I can imagine yeah
and I am no hero that I would say I coped up pretty well, no
I also coped up with anxiety, coped up with, I had tears not just 2 drops of tears
I went into a phase where I locked myself up
and when I talk about the video that I am going to release it takes about all of those thing that people have this perception
that I have so many friends that's the truth, I use to have so many friends
but there came a point where I was too ashamed to meet anybody because
people would call me to watch a movie which is my biggest satisfaction,
but I was like, if I go and spend 350 rupees on this movie, what do I do next
and as an actor you have to go for auditions wearing good clothes, you have to go for events wearing good clothes
or at least like look decent, and I didn't have that money
I didn't have money to go for protein shakes, I mean in Big Boss also I am going without protein shakes and
my friend Karan who is more like a brother, who said I will order it for you, I said no,
I don't have money for protein right now, so I will not have muscles and that's what the country needs to know
that why do actors needs to be bulked up and
even if you're playing the character of a lover boy, you need to have abs, which is stupid
which is definitely stupid, even if you are playing a role of village boy, your ripped ab and muscles are seen
people need to change and only actors can change when they put their foot down
and I am not a hero but I want a start, I want people to reach
like how in India now there is a movement of no body shaming for women
why isn't there for men? why is every hero suppose to look like duplicate of each other
the kind of brief that we are given
and that added pressure was pressure that forced me to take steroids
and we have enough examples of people being good actors like Vikrant Massey, he is thin but he is brilliant
Ayushman Khurrana, thin but brilliant
but in TV I don't know what happens, until you don't do 4 kilo's of dumbbels you can't win a girl's heart
so that something needs to change
so that time I did go through all of that, I had shame, I had embarrassment,
I had my flat mate who is also like my brother , whom I would tell listen do you want me to
cook and clean so that we save money of servant
and he is like are you mad, and I was like yeah I want to contribute somehow
because I have also seen the phase in Dubai I was the highest paid jock
I was earning as much as a star plus or a colours actors earn and so from that to this it was
very difficult, very difficult, when I had the third relapse, or the second relapse, I had no money to buy my medicines
and I couldn't tell my mom or dad that please send money because they would ask what happened
and my mother was having her kimo therapy done at that time
so it is people like Karan and Ankita who would find ways to, because they knew I would not take it so
they will find ways to somehow say , some event is happening you take money for that, or you do this or do that
and yeah it was very bad time
when I hear you speak about Karan and Ankita how they stood by you during this entire time it just makes me respect them all the more
yeah and I think everybody should
did you face a time where other friends perhaps, did leave your side when you were in situation like this
or has stopped responding to text or your access
like you try reaching out to them for a particular job or pay that is there something
I don't even blame them
it's how world functions, I was just not on their radar
I won't say that I was trying to reach them and they were not replying but I had
you know when a person goes through a time like this
he stops from contacting people, you go into your own shell, I had locked myself, like literally I was not calling people
and they also didn't call me back, so they forgot which is not crime but
yes in our country when we talk about, why didn't that person call me or why didn't that person call me when she was going to do something
she won't call you, you have to call them
they are going through their problems, you have to find, you need to reach out to your friends
listen it's been many days, this person use to be everywhere where is he lost?
so yeah that happened and I have no complains because honestly these 5-6 set of people that stood by me
during this time, now I know they are for life, you know
like if they were there without wanting anything in return like imagine Ankita who was pregnant and
a pregnant women is not suppose to take stress, but she was, in a day
half worried about whether I have had my boiled food, because I was not allowed to have anything else
am I doing okay, that one call of 'what are doing' we talk like that
or Karan would just make fun of me that before me the leaf falls down fast
but what they did is, they ensure that I was not left alone, because there was a danger
that if a person like that is left alone, he can go through many thoughts
they would cook up ideas, we are making this at home, today we will drink milk shakes, today we will watch Netflix
and I think, I told my sister also that I am so lucky that I had my sister Ruchit and than Ankita
via Ankita, Karan became my friend, karan was not my friend but now is like a family and
now I have that flight even if I flew to Mumbai, they knew that it's my house and you know that's how I function now
how sweet and I genuinely feel thankful you had them around them because you know
it is a difficult phase and you need people who genuinely care about you , to be around you at that particular time
you know I call Karan the Salman Khan of TV because he is ''bhai''
you tell him, I am in situation, he will help you, sometimes if you don't tell him, he will still help you
like in my case, I didn't want to tell him, but he would make sure that you know he knows mentally what I am going through
like small things, it's not the money someone wants when something like this is happening
they want someone to tell you that you are good, you're valid, you've a right to be there and that's what they did for me
and I am sure after Big Boss, Shardul things will change definitely in the right way for you
I hope, people will see, I mean if I can see it in what half and hour interview, I ma sure people will see it when they watch you inside
but tell me before we wrap this off, because you genuinely have no time
but tell me 'why do you think that happened I mean
of course it was not just the arrogance part, it was
do you think somewhere industry also failed to recognize the challenge in you , because it can't just be one thing
no it's never just one thing
but you know I have now learned that you can't blame someone else
like I can't blame for
the producers to want actors who has muscles, it's their right
when audience starts watching the kind of films we watch on TV they will have to find actors who are real
like in Ayushman probably, and he didn't do well on TV, that's the irony of it, he did a show which stand and he is now a film star
just goes on to show that rejecting talent doesn't means it won't work some where else
for that format I didn't fit best for them that's okay, many people told me that now
like you can be cast as a younger brother or you can be cast as the villiain but not hero
so I was like okay and I don't have any problems with them
what I could do was, okay so they think the only thing they say I don't have muscles okay go ahead and make muscles
but there I made mistake that I was in a rush, I wanted the transformation in a month
so I took steroids and that went wrong, if I had patience of you know, slowly steadily like Vidyut Jammwal
who has put lot of hard work for his body, and in fact I respect him for that
if I had knowledge about those things , maybe things would be better
so you can just see where you went wrong rather than blaming someone else, because that's not in your hands
true that and I am telling you that people are going to see a different side to you Shardul and
I am sure you will come out wining hearts , if not the show definitely hearts but I hope you win the show as well
honestly if I win hearts I am happy,
Thank you so much for talking to me, No I enjoyed , I love these kind of chats so thank you
thank you so much