*Cue Red Vs Blue Intro*
Church: You can't just show up and start bossing people around, Tex. Bossing people around is my job.
Church: I put in the time.
Tex: I had to leave. I found Wyoming.
Church: Yeah, Tucker told me. What happened?
Tex: I thought I tracked him back to O'Malley,
Tex: but by the time York and I got there--
Church: York? Your old Freelancer buddy?
Church: Was Carolina with them?
Tex: She was already dead.
Caboose: But what about Bermuda?
Church: That's not a state, dumbass.
Caboose: Portland?
Church: Shut up!
Tex: but he still had Delta.
Church: Delta?
Church: The A.I.?
Church: How?
Chruch: I thought They took them...
Church: Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Church: How is he still alive?
Church: Aren't we hundreds of years into the future?
Tex: I thought it was because of his armor.
Tex: You know all the Freelancer suits had some kind of enhancement.
Church: Right, like your invisibility.
Caboose: And horrible meanness.
Church: No, dude. that's all natural.
Tex: York's was some kind of healing mechanism.
Tex: It would help him recover from wonds in battle.
Tex: I thought it might have kept him alive all these years.
Tex: But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet.
Tex: There's something going on, Church, with a lot of people working against us.
Church: Well, what did Wyoming say when he woke up?
Tex: He didn't. Before I could interrogate him, he teleported away.
Tex: One minute, he was there, and the next, he was gone.
Caboose: What about the second after that?
Tex: Can I kill him?
Church: No, I'm saving him in case we need him for food.
Church: So Wyoming's armor let's him teleport?
Tex: I don't think so.
Tex: I think someone grabbed him from somewhere else.
Church: How is that possible?
Church: The only technology that I know that can do that is...
Church: Wait a minute...
Church: Each Freelancer had an enhanced suit of armor and an A.I., right?
Tex: Right.
Caboose: Right.
Church: Your armor was Invisibilty and your A.I. was Omega.
Tex: Right.
Caboose: Wrong. Oops. Missed that one. Can we go back?
Church: What was Wyoming's A.I.?
Tex: Gamma.
Church: *Disappointed Groan*
Church: I gotta make a phone call.
Gary: Hello.
Chruch: Hello. This is Church, Gary. Or should I call you Gamma?
Church: Have you been lying to us?
Gamma: Lying is such a Shisno concept.
Gamma: I mean, Human Concept.
Church: You're a computer. I thought computers can't lie.
Gamma: They can if they're programmed to lie.
Church: Were you programmed to lie?
Gamma: No.
Church: God damn it!
Gamma: I have to go, Church.
Church: Wait! What about the Aliens?! How do we--
Gamma: Goodbye.
Wyoming: Hmmm. Do they know?
Gamma: There is nothing to worry about.
Gamma: We are close to the end.
Gamma: We will not be stopped now.
Wyoming: We should get going. Hop in.
Vic: Hello? Ring-a-ding. Blue Base, come in. Let's go. Hello. Come in.
Church: Hello? Vic? Is that you?
Vic: Hey, dude! How's it going? It's beens a while since we spoke.
Church: Why are you calling me?
Vic: Everything been going good? Yeah. that's great. Listen. Don't have much time to talk.
Vic: Uh, been discussing some things here at Blue Command.
Vic: We think everything is bad and now is the time to attack the Red Base.
Vic: Turns out the Reds are up to no good and someone needs to kill them.
Vic: A good way to do that is to send some people through the caves,yeah.
Vic: Take them by surprise. Anyway, can't talk. Gotta go. See ya la vista.
Church: Wait, ju-- Wait!
Church: Why do people keep hanging up on me?!
Sarge: Hmm, what's all this business?
Simmons: Looks like a bunch of computer equipment, sir.
Sarge: Excellent analysis, Simmons.
Donut: And it's attached to some kind of TV thing.
Sarge: So it is. Astute deduction, Donut.
Grif: It shows all different parts of the canyon.
Girf: Look. there's our base.
Sarge: Ah, yes. Another incredible observation from the Stating The Obvious Department.
Sarge: Thanks for nothing, numbnuts.
Grif: *Sigh*
Sarge: Simmons, Donut, you two stay here.
Sarge: Grif's gonna continue looking for Andy.
Grif: Fine.
Grif: *Sigh* I hate my job.
Donut: Look! There's my room!
Donut: And the Locker Room!
Donut: And there's the Showers! Man! So many good memories!
Simmons: I hope this thing isn't connected to the internet.
Sarge: The Blues must have set this up.
Sarge: Crafty devils.
Sarge: Spying on us all along.
Sarge: What's all that?
Simmons: That looks like Blue Base.
Sarge: Why would the Blues spy on themselves?
Simmons: Maybe the Blues didn't set this up.
Simmons: Someone else might have.
Sarge: Well, maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant,
Sarge: they just want to see themselves on TV.
Sarge: Or I bet they have those stupid liberal equal time laws.
Sarge: Commie Blue Bastards.
Simmons: What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was way more advanced than us?
Donut: Wait a minute, how can an ANCIENT civilization be MORE advanced?
Donut: If they were so advanced, where do they go?
Simmons: They could have mysteriously disappeared, only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology.
Donut: That's gay.
Simmons: Oh, let's finish this fight later.
Sarge: Look, what's that?
Simmons: Looks like Sister's armor.
Donut: Oh, no! What happened to her?
Sarge: Clearly, She's been disintegrated.
Simmons: Why would they do that?!
Simmons: We can't tell Grif. He'd be devastated.
Grif: Tell me what?
Sarge: Tell you that your sister has been vaporized by the Blues.
Grif: WHAT?!
Simmons: Sarge!
Sarge: Heh heh, It's just like ripping off a band-aid.
Sarge: Quick and incredibly painful.
Simmons: We just talked about this! We agreed not to tell him!
Grif: What?!
Donut: You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge.
Sarge: Son, the only thing I need to do is stay red and die.
Grif: What?!
Simmons: I'm really sorry, Grif. She's dead.
Grif: How could this have happened?
Grif: Aw, man. That was my little sister.
Grif: I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her.
Simmons: This has to be hard, Grif. I don't know what to say.
Grif: I just...
Grif: I had no idea the last time I saw her would be the last time ever.
Grif: I'd give anything to see her again and just to talk to her one last time.
Grif: And I'm never gonna get that chance.
Grif: It's the most empty feeling in the whole world.
Donut: Oh, hey! She's not dead! She's just naked!
Grif: What?! That little slut! I'm gonna kill her!
Simmons: Take a Screenshot! Take a Screenshot!
Simmons: Greetings, fellow web surfer. Be sure to subscribe to our channel before you go.
Simmons: It'll be just like we're freinds.
Simmons: Not that I...need...friends.
*Nervous Laughter*
Simmons: Please don't go.