Get this email from my agent
and she's like, "Yo we got an audition for you to go an audition for STAR WARS."
*star wars soundtrack*
Part of me was like, "Yo, it's bout frickin time!"
The other part of me was like, *anime shocked noised*
And they wouldn't tell me nothin,
they wouldn't say if it was for Disney XD, for a movie, I didn't know
So I'm walkin in there like *australian accent* "What's - what's my motivation, mate
I don't know my characters headspace, nothing."
Even the script was like talking in code, so
I didn't know where to go with this
Anyways, call uber. I go outside. Uber pulls up.
You here for Adande?
Yeah
SKKKKKRRRRRRRRRT! Ok pause, rewind, pause, play.
She turns around, super cute Asian girl
With the softest lips I have ever SEEN
Like bur-rahh
LIPS
She pulls off, we start talking. I'm cracking jokes, she's cracking jokes.
Then, I'm like, you know what?
I haven't eaten all day.
So I say to her, "Yo, is it cool if I add a location? And we can go to In and Out before you take me home?"
Oh yeah, of course!
Put in the location. We drive to In and Out.
The line for the drive through is wrapped around the building 57 times.
So we go inside.
Get the food and we're sitting out on a bench and I'm like
"Is you nervous? Or nah?"
"Why would I be nervous?"
Adande: "This is our first date."
"This is KIND of a big deal."
She takes me home, gives me her number,
Then about a week or two later I text her like,
"I don't know if you're emotionally recovered from our first date,
But let me know when you're ready for Date #2
We end up going bowling,
get to the bowling alley and BOOM. LIPS. Just ALL UP IN MY FACE!
LIPS!
Lowlife, I've always wondered what it would be like
To kiss an asian girl.
This girls didn't even have, you know how people's lips have the lines? This girl
didn't have a line, it looked like a glazed, pink,
Donut. So we start bowling
And I don't know if yall have noticed, the last 2 months I haven't been talkin bout girls
have to prove to somma yall that I can make videos without girls
bein the focus. But then now in my dm's
everybody like: "WE WANT RATCHET GIRLS"
ok here's about to get a little ratchet, ok?
the moral of the story at the end of this video.
So shes bowling and I'm beating her and then she's like:
OK, no. I'm sucking right now because I'm sober
Normally, I have a little bit of alcohol in my system.
Oh?
OK well let's make it interesting then.
Every time I get a strike, you gotta take a shot
Every time you get a strike, I gotta take a shot.
But my limit is 4
4 is my limit too.
Ball 3x
She gets a strike.
I take a shot.
Ball 3x
I get a strike.
She takes a shot.
Here's some live footage no clickbait.
So she bowls, she walks by me, and then touches my inner thigh
Part of me, I was like:
Yo it's 'bout frickin time
The other part of me was like:
*weird gibberish*
So we keep bowling by the time we leave, I've had three shots, she's had four shots.
I only live 6 blocks away from the bowling alley
So we're walking and then she starts leaning on me and a few seconds later this girl falls over and goes to sleep
so I'm looking around, and I got 3 blocks to go
So I pick her up in my arms
*DUN* AND II
It's one thing when you're carrying them with your arms around your neck
When they're dead weight, IT'S NOT EASY
So I get, like a block and a half, and this girl walks up to me like,
*KAHEM* EXCUSE ME, WHERE ARE YOU GOING
Home.
*Scoffs* No you're not
who is this girl?
My friend.
PUT HERDOWNRIGHTNOW
I put her down and she's like
hundi, hundi, wake up hundi, do you know this boy
Do you know him?
Squeeze my finger if this is your friend
*Whispers* She squeezed it
Hundi, hundi, solve this Rubix cube in under 10 seconds if this boy is your friend
State your business, what are your intentions with this girl?
I'm just trying to get home....
K?
Uhh I don't know if I can carry her anymore, I got an idea tho.
How about you guys stay here, thats my building like a block away
I'm gunna get a cart and bring it back, and then I can wheel her back to my place
UHNUNUNUNNUNO
You're, we're, you're not going anywhere
You wait here, Alfred!
go to his building, get the cart
Shoutout to this girl, cuz, yeah she's giving me total attitude, but, she's tryna protect a total strange girl that she doesn't know
So we get the cart, I push her over to my building,
we go up to my room, get her in the bathroom, and this girl just starts throwing up EVERYWHERE
Like BLEHHH
On the walls, on the floor, on the sink
Okayyyy, kinda missed the toilet all together but it's whatever
We get life alert on the phone, like
Uhhhhh
She probably ain't gon make it.
So, I get a bunch of towels come back, and I go Fortnite on her
Like I start building a fort, so even if she wakes up and starts throwing up, we're good
I hop in bed, I go to sleep, I wake up the next day
This girl's GONE
Walk out to my kitchen, I look at my iPad and she wrote a letter in my notes
Here's the actual letter, live footage no clickbait
Uh, we're really good friends now, we didn't get to kiss on that date
However, comma, she came over a month later and we made out for like two hours
Finally got to kiss an asian girl, 10 outta 10 IGN would recommend
*sound effect*
*Outro music*