So, again, by letting him chase you
or making him chase you,
you run a lot of risk
of pouring insecurity,
negative energy into the situation,
and now, number three...
(Music)
Welcome to today's video,
this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks.
Here to talk to you about life,
dating, dating advice, relationship advice,
you name it we talk about it,
your personal relationship coach.
Anyways, be sure to subscribe to the video
like the video, share the video.
And as always I love to do polls.
Vote below,
do you believe a man should chase a woman?
All right, yes or no.
Do you believe men should chase women?
If that's a good thing.
So, today's video is
three reasons why
you should not let him chase you.
Now, I want to hear your opinion in the poll,
but I’m going to explain to you
why this is actually
a huge mistake on your end.
Now, I have a video for men
on three reasons why
they should not chase a woman
from the male perspective
of why it's not good for them.
This video, is specifically
why it's not good for you, all right.
Because you hear a lot of women saying,
oh, you've got to let the man chase you,
you've got to find a man who loves you
more than you love him.
There's videos all over YouTube
about let him chase you,
get him to chase you all these things.
Listen, this is a huge, huge mistake.
So, I’m going to lay out the three reasons
but I need you to listen to the very end
because after I give you the three reasons,
I’m going to explain something
very important to you.
As to... So that you need to understand
about this whole letting him chase you dynamic.
Very important so, listen to the end.
Anyways, number one reason
why you should not let him chase you.
Because typically, if he chases you,
it's infatuation, not love.
Here's what I have found
in all my years of doing this
and examining so many scenarios
and so many relationships.
When men are willing to chase,
they are typically locked
into the fantasy, the hype,
the infatuation they have towards this woman.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say,
no man who has ever chased
did not love a woman.
I’m not saying that is not possible.
What I am saying is that in most situations,
infatuation is the true driver of that situation.
And so, if it's not really about genuine love,
then we're already setting the Ba...
Or the wrong foundation for this relationship.
Because here's the reality,
most men and I would say this,
this changes some as the man gets older.
As a man gets older,
he's been through more things.
He may have been hurt before.
Chasing a woman can become very hurtful.
Trying to show and prove your love to someone
who is making you jump through hoops,
who has walls up,
who is resisting your desire to
express this to her or
to embrace you wanting to
be with her in any kind of way.
That is really going to hurt
it's going to cause a problem for that guy.
And so, I always say
it's easier for a man to chase love,
I mean to chase lust than it is to chase love.
And I’m simply saying that in lust,
you don't feel the pain as much.
Her resistance doesn't hit down
deep in your spirit the same.
You're so locked into what you want,
what you desire on the surface,
that you see it almost as a game, a conquest.
Again, you're just not as deterred,
because lust doesn't
bring out the vulnerability.
When you are loving this woman,
when they are truly into you
and truly desire you,
and there's love that's driving them,
now your resistance hurts.
Because they're vulnerable
consider like, essentially it's almost like
their heart is on the outside of their chest.
They're more exposed.
So, now any resistance,
anything that goes against them
trying to love you will hurt them.
Whereas, if they're in lust, in infatuation,
they can deal with it.
So, what happens with a lot of women is
you start to think sometimes
that the guy who chases,
the guy who won't quit coming after you
actually loves you.
He doesn't, he's just infatuated.
He's just locked into what he wants.
And again, I’m not saying it's impossible
that a man can love a woman in that dynamic.
I’m telling you in the vast majority of situations,
that's not what's going on
It may be presented as love,
some people may fall for it and think it's love
but it's actually infatuation, obsession,
other unhealthy things.
And so, I've seen scenarios where
one guy, will keep chasing
who was infatuated.
The other guy who was
actually in love with that woman, falls back.
But again, he doesn't fall back
because he doesn't truly want you.
He doesn't fall back because
he doesn't have genuine intentions for you.
He falls back because
he cannot take the resistance.
He can't deal with the fact that
he loves this woman who is not embracing him.
But again, women many,
will fall for the idea
that the one who chases, loves them more.
That's not true, that's not true.
So, you do not want a man to chase you.
That's an unhealthy thing.
But that brings me to the number two reason
why you don't want a man or
you don't want to let him chase you.
Because then you can pour insecurity
and toxic energy into that relationship.
So, what I mean by that is this.
Once again, if the man has genuine intentions,
truly loves you.
And now you make him chase,
you will increase the chances of
that man becoming insecure with you.
You will increase the chances of that man
going to his feminine energy
coming off cli...
Or... I don't want you guys
to automatically think I’m saying
being clingy and needy is feminine.
So, let me rephrase that.
But to as, he will go away from his masculine energy.
That's a better way to say it right now.
He will go away
more from his masculine energy,
that energy that you may have been
attracted to initially,
will start to dissipate
because he now feels more insecure.
Because he's put in a position
where he has to chase
and if he has a chase,
that means he's not sure you even want him.
He's not sure you're serious about him.
He's not sure that
you're not just trying to play him.
So, now, his insecurity gets the best of him.
And what I've seen in many situations,
is the man who chases
will now lash out, all right.
But he's not lashing out
because he doesn't genuinely care,
he's lashing out, out of hurt and frustration.
And so, now, the whole situation goes left.
But it was set on that path,
because you created this dynamic
of him having to chase
rather than a mutually building relationship.
Where both parties
are putting forth effort, showing desire,
trying to build something amazing together,
which is the key to a successful relationship.
Without that, you are headed
for a lot of disaster.
So, again, by letting him chase you
or making him chase you,
you run a lot of risk
of pouring insecurity,
negative energy into the situation,
and now, number three,
when you let him or make him chase you,
many times he will switch up on you.
So, here's the problem,
once again, remember what I said
the guy who continuously chases
many times is infatuated, all right.
Or obsessed
and so, his mindset is
I’m going to do everything it takes to get you
because I want you so bad.
But once I got you now it's your turn.
Now he turns the tables.
Now, he's not putting in the same effort.
He's not showing you the great guy
he showed you for x amount of months
because it was never about
a healthy successful relationship.
He was simply locked in on getting you.
And once he got you,
he thinks it's his turn to reap the benefits.
If you start the relationship one-sided,
where he's chasing you,
he will now flip it on you
to where you find yourself chasing him,
where you find yourself doing more than him.
Now, you are burdened with
carrying the relationship because he feels
well, I carried it to this point
now it's your damn turn.
You see, it's a very unhealthy toxic dynamic.
It typically does not work.
Again, I will repeat,
am I saying that it's never worked out? No.
There are always exceptions to the rule,
but the vast majority of situations
will not turn out well in your favor
if you go into it with the mindset of chasing.
You will risk losing the right guys,
you will risk getting caught up
with the wrong guys,
you will risk finding yourself in situations
where again, he switches up on you.
You will risk the toxic energy
and the insecurity that's poured into the situation.
This is not in your best interest.
Always focus on
mutually beneficial relationship,
mutual effort, mutual building together,
that is the key.
But remember in the beginning I said to you
listen to the end because
I want you to understand
something very important
about this chasing thing.
When you make him chase you, all right,
you've got to ask yourself why.
Why are you doing this?
Because let me paint this picture real quick.
Let's say there's a celebrity
and I’m just going to use a random one
that I hear about a lot.
Let's say Idris Elba.
But now I know he's married.
So, no disrespect to his situation.
But let's just say he was a single man
and let's say you are someone
who reveres him, who loves Idris Elba, right.
If this man came to you,
showed up at your doorstep or whatever
and say hey, I saw you.
I want to be with you,
I want to get to know you,
let's make this work.
You're not going to make Idris Elba chase you.
You're going to latch on for dear life.
You're going to see this opportunity like
oh, my gosh, thank goodness, thank God.
I cannot let this slip out of my hands.
So, the reality is this,
when you let a man chase you,
ask yourself are you really that interested in him?
What's really going on?
Because if you had true strong desire
the reality is this,
for a woman, when you really like a man,
when you're really into him,
you have to talk yourself out of doing too much.
You've got to look at yourself in the mirror
and give yourself a pep talk
not to do too much.
You have to try to hold back
because you don't want to come across
too strong or whatever.
So, when you can sit back
and let someone chase you
or play a game to get him to chase you,
then you have to ask yourself
how interested are you in him?
How much do you really desire him?
And if it's really not that strong
if you're really not into him like that,
why would you even try
to have a relationship with him?
That's already a setup for disaster.
But there's more because sometimes
it's not a lack of interest.
It's not a lack of desire.
The other reason you've got to ask yourself
as to why you want this man to chase you
is have you healed?
The reality for so many women is that
you have been hurt.
You have been let down
and now you have walls up.
And so now, your inability or your struggle
to embrace the whole mutual building,
the mutual effort,
is a symptom of
what you haven't healed from in your past.
And so now, your gardeness says
he must show me and prove to me first
that he is worthy of me letting my wall down.
But here's a news flash.
When you haven't healed,
he can never reach that level of worthiness.
He will never be good enough in your eyes.
Because even when he does everything right,
the minute he does anything wrong, one mistake.
And you're going to be like, oh,
there we go, I knew it.
He's just like the rest.
Like, the walls would be reactivated
and you're back behind them,
back to being guarded,
back to validating your heart.
And that's a problem,
that's a battle he can't win.
You have to heal yourself.
You've got to make sure
you're not carrying past baggage
into these new situations.
I would argue
that if you are healed
and you are truly interested
and really into this man,
you won't even think about
trying to get him to chase you.
You won't even consider that for a second
because you will be too busy
trying to embrace the moment,
thanking God,
looking at the opportunity in front of you
and running with it.
You're not going to try to play no games,
not going to try to do all these
little tips and tricks, no.
You're going to put in your mutual effort.
So, always ask yourself,
why am I even trying to
make a man chase me?
You've got to do your part.
And when you do,
you will get what's best for you
and you will have healthier relationships
and greater success in that area.
So, again, listen,
I hope this was helpful to you.
Always remember everything I say to you
is with love and the desire to help you
not to judge you,
not to make you feel bad.
It's to help you see the things
I believe you need to see.
It's to trust that
what my spirit is telling me
I need to say to you is being said.
So, again, like this video,
share this video because I know
you know someone that needs
to watch this and see this.
And yes, leave your vote below.
Do you believe men should chase?
I’m hoping by the end of this video,
you will have changed your mind on that.
But I still want
your honest genuine initial thought.
Do you think men should chase women?
Do you think that's healthy?
But again, thank you for watching
and I'll see you in the next video.
(Music)