IT'S TIME FOR: "BIG QUESTIONS WITH EVEN BIGGER STARS!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE STARS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, BUT SO FAR AWAY.
>> SOME STARS ARE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK, STEPHEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
McCONAUGHEY!
>> HEY, HEY, STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE TO COME UP HERE AND BE PROFOUND, TOO?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
IT'S ONE OF MY TOP 37 PLACES TO BE MASCULINE, YET POETIC.
HEY, STEPHEN?
>> Stephen: YEAH, MATTHEW?
>> WHERE DO YOU THINK WE GO WHEN WE DIE?
>> Stephen: US?
CELEBRITY HEAVEN.
( LAUGHTER )
THERE'S GIFT BASKETS.
( LAUGHTER )
>> YEAH, STEVE?
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK GOD CARES WHO WINS THE SUPER BOWL?
>> NO.
IF HE DID, THEN THE SAINTS WOULD HAVE WON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
HELL.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: OH, BEAUTIFUL.
HEY, MR. McCONAUGHEY?
>> WHAT'S UP, DR. COLBERT?
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK TIME IS SUBJECTIVE?
>> LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, DO I THINK I GET OLDER, BUT HIGH SCHOOL
GIRLS STAY THE SAME AGE?
( LAUGHTER )
>> NAH, SOUNDS SCREEPY.
>> Stephen: HEY, MATTY Mc-C.?
>> YO, STEVIE COL-B.?
>> Stephen: HOW DO WE KNOW IF WE'VE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICES IN
LIFE?
>> THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
YOU KNOW, I SAY HUMAN POTENTIAL IS LIKE AN EMPTY ROAD AT NIGHT.
YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT PATH UNTIL YOU DRIVE DOWN
IT A BIT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S DEEP.
>> IT'S ACTUALLY A LINE FROM MY NEXT LINCOLN COMMERCIAL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
AGAIN?
>> Stephen: I HAVE NO IDEA.
>> HEY, STEVE-ARINO?
>> Stephen: YEAH, THIS-LITTLE-MATT-OF-MINE?
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LAST WORDS TO BE?
>> Stephen: "I BET I CAN EAT ALL THAT SPAGHETTI."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
>> Stephen: YEAH, M&M'S?
>> IF YOU COULD TELL PEOPLE FROM 100 YEARS AGO ONE FACT, ONE
FACT ABOUT THE MODERN WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
>> Stephen: I THINK I'D TELL THEM, IN THE FUTURE, THERE WILL
BE MACHINES THAT DISPENSE MONEY ON EVERY CORNER.
AND THEY SHOULD CALL THEM "A.T.M.s" NOT "A.T.M.-MACHINES."
THE "M" ALREADY MEANS "MACHINE."
DONT NEED TO SAY IT.
>> GOOD POINT.
>> Stephen: HEY, MATTER-OF-FACT?
>> YEAH, STEVE-OF-DESTRUCTION?
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL MANTRA?
>> J.K.L.
THAT STANDS FOR "JUST KEEP LIVING."
WHAT'S YOURS?
>> Stephen: J.K.S.
>> WHAT'S THAT STAND FOR?
>> Stephen: J.K. SIMMONS.
>> WORDS TO LIVE BY.
HEY, STEVE-ASAURUS?
>> Stephen: YEAH, MATT-STODON?
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED FOR?
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S EASY.
I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS THE GUY WHO SAYS, "ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
BUT I'M THE GUY WHO SAYS, "ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
COMES OUT FIRST.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YEAH, ST. MATTHEW'S PASSION?
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK THE FUTURE HOLDS, MAN?
>> Stephen: THAT'S HARD TO SAY.
IT'S A BIG QUESTION.
>> IT SURE IS.
>> Stephen: BUT, I'M GUESSING ABOUT FIVE OR SIX COMMERCIALS,
THEN AN INTERVIEW WITH MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY.