My home island grows near
When we get there my brothers will bestow on each of you great knowledge
And hopefully turn this season around
I don't see anything
Before you see them...you’ll hear them. Sh, listen
[singing] Replay is a joke. It’s good for the officials but bad for the game
What is that? Some sort of…chant?
It’s a rant. A Van Gundian rant, Tobias. These monks have taken a vow of no silence
[singing] Dwight Howard is always waffling and complaining. He is a coach killer
Ah, yeah, that’s lovely. I could listen to that for minutes before getting annoyed
Oh, there she is! The Isle of Van Gundy
[laughs]
Home sweet home
[singing] And if you flop...
[singing] You should get a technical…
[singing] foul
[singing] And if you flop…
[singing] You should be fined millions of…
[singing] gold!
[singing] And if you flop…
[singing] You should be suspended from the…
[singing] game!
[singing] Because flopping ruins the game!
[singing] But they don’t listen to us
[laughs] Brother Stan!
Brother Jeff!
Is that really you?
How the hell are ya?
Ugh, terrible! The whole foul review system’s a mess
Nobody listens to me. How are you?
I’m miserable. We’re stuck in the damn ninth seed and I’ve tried everything
Could use a bit of your help, Brother Jeff
Ah, the Van Gundian Monks will always help a coach in need
Knights of Detroit, C’mere and form a f--king wall
I want you to meet my brothers. This here, this is Jeff Van Gundy
Hello there!
That’s Ethan Van Gundy
Pleasure to meet you
Reff Van Gundy
That there is Jan Van Gundy
Greetings
I'm their second cousin
This little guy is Gundy Van Gundy
He’s severely gundied, so don’t say nothing about “load management” in front of that one
Ah! That'll ruin the game and you know it!
All right. Ethan, can you show the knights to their chambers?
Our training begins bright and early tomorrow
If you can’t make your free throws, they’re gonna hack you all day
I don’t know, I just sorta feel like…I don’t need analytics to tell me LeBron is good
You know? I know that. I can see that
Ugh, I’m just not sure this will be enough, Brother Jeff
The Lords of Detroit will have me head if we don’t make a run in the playoffs this year
You know, there is another option. I mean, you are the Master of Trades, right?
Aye
Well, I hear whispers of a wealthy lord
who’s looking to part ways with his most decorated knight
If I send a raven now, they can be here on the morrow
Ugh...I just...
Ah, screw it. Send the raven
I think you’re gonna like him, Brother Stan. He’s even balder and louder than I
Developing! Developing! Developing players! Let’s make a trade, baby! Woooo!
Ser Blake Griffin
But he’s the face of your franchise
And soon he can be the face of yours
All right, but…who would you want for him? Tobias is a good developing player
Yes, him
All right! You’ve got yourself a dea–
Also Avery Bradley, Boban the Giant and a first-round pick
I mean...that’s quite a lot. What kind of contract do you got him under?
Five years. 171 Million
Seven hells, that’s a lot of gold
I mean,
Ser Griffin’s a marvelous talent and all
Do you know he once dunked over a horse?
Clydesdale
Ah, wow, that’s...that’s really athletic. I just...171 million gold...it’s a lot...
Oh, and did you know, he’s…funny?
Oh? Is...is he now...
Blake, tell us one of your jokes
Um...sure...yeah
Uh, so…cheers. Thanks for coming out everyone…um...
So my squire year, some of the older blokes take me to a whorehouse—
Not that one. Not that one
Right...um...so a ref walks into a bar...and then a table...and then some chairs…
[laughs]
Because he’s…because the ref is blind!
[laughs]
That’s great, laddie
It’s a deal!
Fare thee well, House Pistons! And remember, stay away from those analytics folks!
[chanting] Alonzo
[chanting] Mourning
What they doing?
That there is the ceremonial exodus of the Van Gundys. Watch
[chanting] Back cut, down screen, ice, ice
Go forth to victory! And please give our tidings to the maiden Rihanna!
Bey! Ah, Bey
I...don’t think she’s a maiden
[laughs] This lad!
I've got a feeling we're going to have a long, bright future together, Blake