You're never too old for Cool Whip, and it turns out that it does have a place in today's
kitchen… unpronounceable ingredients and all.
After all, we grew up on it, and we turned out fine — but still, there are a few things
you should probably know about it...
For starters, the first ingredient in Cool Whip is water.
Technically.
But you know what ingredient also happens to be high on the list?
Air.
"I wish I could keep this cake forevah!"
“Yaaaaay!"
Like any whipped cream, there's lots and lots of air in Cool Whip.
Wired claims that when you divide out the price point, it costs almost twice as much
as making your own whipped cream out of real cream.
"You're kidding!"
"Would I kid you?"
"I don't know, we just met."
"Trust me."
So… there's that.
Also worth noting: Since 2010, Cool Whip has been made with skim milk and contains less
than two percent actual cream.
Now it's a party.
"And you can go skinny-dipping in new Cool Whip Lite."
"Skinny Dippin', Skinny Dippin'!"
Before 2010, Cool Whip was labeled as a non-dairy product, but according to Tablet, it wasn't
quite that simple for practicing Jewish families.
It's true that Cool Whip is certified kosher, so what's the problem, exactly?
Well, before 2010, the FDA allowed a product to be labeled "non-dairy" as long as it was
lactose-free.
"And now… rich, creamy, non-dairy Cool Whip topping…
So easy, comes already whipped, easy to serve."
But here comes the not-so easy part: Cool Whip contains caseinate, a common ingredient
in cream, soup, gravy, baby foods, and yogurt.
Usually used as a stabilizer, it also happens to be — you guessed it — a milk protein.
The FDA overlooks caseinate while determining whether a food product is dairy-free, because
it's technically lactose-free.
Just technically, though: Caseinate actually contains about point two percent lactose.
That's well below the threshold the FDA is concerned about, which explains the dairy-free
label.
However, some Jewish families still consider anything with ingredients derived from milk
to be dairy — no matter how small the amount.
That makes this all rather complicated... but not as complicated as pronouncing "Cool
Whip."
"You can't have a pie without Cool Wyhip."
"Cool Wyhip?"
"Cool Wyhip, yeah."
"You mean Cool Whip."
"Cool Wyhip."
"Cool Whip.”
Cool Whip was invented in 1966, when making whipped cream was a huge time investment.
"The problem with most whipped dessert toppings is you have to whip them yourself."
Anyone who's ever tried making whipped cream knows that it's time-consuming and exhausting.
So when Cool Whip hit the market, it was definitely cause for celebration.
"You know I wouldn't use anything else when Cool Whip has such a real fresh taste."
One more bonus: Because Cool Whip can be frozen, thawed, and refrozen without sacrificing quality,
that makes it very easy to ship.
To make sure it could hold up to long-distance travel, containers of Cool Whip were first
tested in two cities on opposite sides of the country: Buffalo and Seattle.
The fact that it shipped easily meant less pressure for distributors trying to get into
stores across the US, whether they were in New York or deep in the heart of Texas.
"Old-fashioned peach pie with homemade toppins, just like my mama's!"
"Only I use Cool Whip."
"Cool Whip?!
It tastes so fresh…"
Presentation is everything
One taste of Cool Whip can conjure up some serious nostalgia.
"Mmm, what's in this?"
"Oh, berries, Cool Whip, and a little of me."
Cool Whip containers whip up nostalgia, too.
There's just something about those plastic bins that make them perfect for simple storage
solutions — whether you're packing away leftovers or buttons.
Everyone used to have that eccentric relative who saved all their Cool Whip containers,
right?
The fond nostalgia of Cool Whip and Cool Whip containers is part of what makes one particular
news story from 2016 so deeply uncomfortable.
According to NWF Daily News, the case began when police were investigating a report of
parents using crystal meth while their kids were at home.
"Couldn't they?"
"YEAH!"
"Shouldn't they?"
"...Yaaaaah…"
"Wouldn't they love it more… with Cool Whip?"
"You know it!"
When police went into the house, they did indeed find crystal meth.
The cherry on top?
They were storing the drugs in a Cool Whip container, and it's safe to say that's a rare,
completely unsanctioned use for these little vintage treasures.
"Mmm!
Great pie, mom!"
"Fresh fruit, Jell-O gelatin, and Cool Whip."