- LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, WE GOT YOU GOOD.
- YOU GOT ME GOOD.
- WE GOT YOU REAL GOOD. - YOU SURE DID.
- WE MAY GET YOU AGAIN.
- OH.
- [laughs]
- DON'T YOU DO IT.
- LET'S SHOW PEOPLE WHAT--
WE WERE--WHAT HAPPENED IS,
WE WERE SHOWING THESE VINES
THAT ARE REALLY FUNNY THAT HE DOES AND POSTS,
AND WE THOUGHT--
HE THOUGHT HE WAS POSTING A VINE.
- YES, I SURE DID. - AND THIS IS WHAT WE DID.
- YOU GOT TO SAY.
- YOU JUST START TALKING AS SOPHIA.
YOU JUST, "WATCH MODERN FAMILY" OR WHATEVER YOU WANT.
OKAY? READY?
- OKAY, GO.
- JUST WATCH "MODERN FAMILY" ON--
- [roars]
- OH, MY GOD!
[cheers and applause]
- STOP LOOKING.
STOP IT.
IT'S SO FUNNY BECAUSE, LIKE, AT THAT MOMENT,
FOR AUDIENCE MEMBERS AT HOME WATCHING,
LIKE, THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
THAT YOU DON'T SET THAT UP WITH YOUR GUESTS.
LIKE, I WAS LEGITIMATELY SCARED THAT DAY.
- YES, OF COURSE.
- I WAS TO MY PUBLICIST, LIKE,
"YOU LET THAT HAPPEN."
SHE'S LIKE, "I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS HAPPENING."
- NO. - HILARIOUS.
YOU GOT ME GOOD, ELLEN.
- YEAH. - YOU GOT--
STOP DOING THAT.
OH, MY GOSH!
- YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S FUN.
- BUT SEE, THE GOOD THING IS,
I SHOULDN'T LOOK BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE TOO GOOD
AT SCARING PEOPLE,
AND YOU'D NEVER BE SO ELEMENTARY JUST--
STOP LOOKING BACK THERE.
MAKE HER STOP.
I SCARED YOUR PRODUCER, ANDY, WHO LOVES TO BE SCARED.
I SCARED HIM AT THE KINGS GAME.
- I HEARD.
- HE WAS WALKING UP THE AISLE WITH HIS KIDS,
AND ALL I DID WAS GO, "ANDY,"
AND HE GOES, "OH, OH, MY GOD!"
LIKE, ANDY, IT'S A FULL ARENA OF PEOPLE.
COME ON.
- IT'S SO EASY TO SCARE HIM. - IT IS.
- YEAH, THAT'S AMAZING.
AND YOU JUST GOT BACK FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
YOU WENT TO THE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER.
HOW WAS THAT?
- OH, MY GOSH, I LOVE GOING TO THAT EVENT, ELLEN.
IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
YOU HAVE SO MANY INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE.
BUT THE FIRST YEAR I WENT WILL NEVER, EVER BE TOPPED
BECAUSE I WAS THERE-- IT'S A SATURDAY NIGHT,
AND I HAD A WHITE HOUSE TOUR SCHEDULED THE NEXT DAY
WITH MY FRIEND.
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DINNER,
I SAID, "HEY, MR. DALY,"
WHO WAS THE CHIEF OF STAFF OF THE WHITE HOUSE AT THE TIME,
"I'M GONNA BE IN YOUR OFFICE TOMORROW."
AND HE'S LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE IN MY OFFICE FOR?"
I SAID, "WELL, I HAVE A TOUR OF THE WHITE HOUSE."
HE'S LIKE, "OH, COOL."
AN HOUR LATER, MY TOUR WAS CANCELED.
I'M LIKE, WHAT IN THE WORLD?
SO I TOLD MY FRIEND, "OUR TOUR JUST GOT CANCELLED."
SO HIS WIFE WAS LIKE, "BILL,
"GET HIS TOUR RESCHEDULED.
BILL, COME ON, DO SOMETHING."
HE'S LIKE, "HERE'S MY CARD.
NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN TOWN, I'LL GIVE YOU A TOUR."
WELL, THAT'S GREAT, BUT I WANT MY TOUR TOMORROW
'CAUSE I'M HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
SO WE GO OUT, WE FILL THE DAY,
WE GO BACK TO THE HOTEL,
CNN BREAKING NEWS, OSAMA BIN LADEN KILLED.
I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOSH,
THAT'S WHY OUR WHITE HOUSE TOUR WAS CANCELED.
FOR SURE, 100%, RIGHT?
SEVEN MONTHS LATER, HE'S DOING AN INTERVIEW
TALKING ABOUT THE DECONSTRUCTION OF THE 48 HOURS.
HE SAYS, "YEAH, I'M SITTING
"AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER,
"AND SOME ACTOR FROM 'FAMILY GUY'
"TELLS ME HE'S COMING TO THE WHITE HOUSE,
"AND I GET OUT MY BLACKBERRY AND I GO,
'OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.'"
CANCELS MY TOUR RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME.
HOW COOL IS THAT?
- YEAH.
- THAT'S MY BRUSH WITH HISTORY.
- FROM "FAMILY GUY."
- YEAH, FROM "FAMILY GUY."
I JUST LET THAT SLIDE.
- OH, GOD.
THAT'S AMAZING.
- YEAH.
- AND THEN YOU ALSO JUST WERE IN AUSTRALIA AGAIN.
YOU'RE THERE MORE THAN HERE.
- I KNOW. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME I'VE BEEN TO AUSTRALIA.
IT'S GREAT.
- YEAH, AND THAT YOU WENT AND SWAM WITH SOME FISHES.
- YEAH, WE WENT UP TO THE GREAT BARRIER REEF
AND A BEAUTIFUL RESORT THERE.
- IS THIS THE CLIP THAT YOU BROUGHT,
WHERE YOU'RE FEEDING A FISH?
- OH, MY-- YEAH, I FED A FISH.
- OKAY.
- OH, THAT WAS SO COOL.
- WHAT WAS IT?
- A BARRAMUNDI.
BARRAMONDAY. BARRAMONDAY?
BARRAMUNDI, YES.
- I DON'T KNOW, BUT ARE THEY BIG?
- OH, YEAH, AND THEY DON'T HAVE TEETH,
SO THE JUST SUCK EVERYTHING IN.
LIKE, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A BABY,
AND IT WOULD HAVE SUCKED THE BABY IN.
- YEAH.
- LIKE, ANYTHING IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN IN.
- WOW.
- BUT TOTALLY MANLY REACTION THERE, I THINK.
- YEAH. [laughter]
I THINK ANYBODY WOULD HAVE DONE THAT.
- YEAH.
- AND THEN I SAW A PICTURE OF YOUR DOG.
NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF I SEE SOMEONE ELSE
WALKING YOUR DOG,
'CAUSE I SAW A PICTURE OF IT TODAY,
AND I THINK--DOES ANYONE WALK YOUR DOG IN THAT AREA?
- YEAH, SOMETIMES. COLEMAN.
- IT'S THE CUTEST DOG. - OH, YEAH, THERE HE IS.
- BUT HE'S HAVING ISSUES GOING UP AND DOWN THE STEPS?
- OH, MY GOSH, DID YOU NOTICE THAT PICTURE?
WHO--WHO APPROVED THAT PICTURE?
LOOK AT THAT PICTURE!
- WELL...
- OH, MY GOSH, COLEMAN, I'M SO SORRY, BUDDY.
- THAT'S--I-- NOW I NOTICE IT, YES.
- CAN WE BLUR IT OUT OR SOMETHING?
THIS IS MY DOG.
THERE HE IS.
- LET'S SHOW THAT ONE. - YEAH.
- OKAY, SO HE'S THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD.
HOW OLD IS HE,
AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD HIM?
- HE IS-- HE'S 13 YEARS.
I RESCUED HIM AS A PUPPY.
AND HIS NAME'S COLEMAN HAWKINS,
AND HE HONESTLY IS THE CUTEST LITTLE GUY IN THE WORLD.
BUT IN MY HOUSE-- I CALL THAT PICTURE
"PEEK-A-BOO AROUND THE PILLOW TIME."
BUT HE...
- HE'S SCARED TO GO UP AND DOWN THE STEPS?
- HE'S NOT SCARED.
HE'S JUST, LIKE--
MY OLD HOUSE THAT I LIVED IN
WAS, LIKE, ONE STORY,
AND NOW THERE'S STAIRS IN THE STORY.
AND HE'S, LIKE, LEGITIMATELY SO SMART
THAT HE'S LIKE,
"WELL, WHY AM I DOING ALL THESE STAIRS
"IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA GO DOWN
"AND THEN EVENTUALLY COME RIGHT BACK UP?
"I'M GONNA WAIT AND SEE WHAT YOU DO DOWN THERE,
AND THEN I'LL COMMIT TO COMING DOWNSTAIRS."
- RIGHT.
- SO HE'S FIGURED OUT THAT SOMETIMES
I JUST HAVE TO RUN DOWN AND GET SOMETHING
OR SOMETIMES I HAVE TO RUN UP AND GET SOMETHING,
AND HE JUST WAITS.
AND IF I'M UP THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES
OR DOWN THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES, THEN HE'LL JOIN.
- BECAUSE MY DOG IS SCARED OF GOING UP
AND DOWN THE STAIRS; THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS.
I THOUGHT HE WAS SCARED. - SO YOU HAVE TO CARRY--
- [roars] - OH, YOU MOTHER!
[cheers and applause]
I'M DONE!
YOU'RE ALL GUILTY!
[cheers and applause]
- WE'LL BE BACK.
[cheers and applause]