Death Race 2 is terrible...
but it's also funny!
Not many people know about this hidden gem of humor.
Not that you wouldn't already have a pretty good idea of what it's like, considering its a prequel to a remake.
But before I get to that, I think I'll provide some context as to what gave birth to this travesty.
We start off with Death Race 2000, a cult film made by Roger Corman in 1975.
It's set 11 years ago, which is also the future.
Despite its flaws I can see why it was so successful.
The movie starred David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone
and it was really just one big social commentary on violence in the media.
[Man 1] AAHHH
[Man 2] Alright, alright, and yessiree! A clean hit.
Too bad the guy was only 38. Just 2 years older, and he'd have been worth 3 times the points.
[YMS] And I guess you could call this film the catalyst for what kicked off the cliche of
everyone in the future being so bloodthirsty and bored that they watch people kill eachother on television.
[Man 3] Toddlers, under 12, now rate a big 70 points.
The big score: Anyone, any sex, over 75 years old, has been upped to 100 points.
[YMS] I enjoy this movie because it challenges you as an audience member
Even the main character you're rooting for kills people in the film,
and it's not perfect I mean I'm still a little confused about the point system.
I mean do they win the race if they have the most points .
Doesn't that not make it a race anymore
Why are they even going fast?
It's not like there in a hurry to run over people first so that the other drivers don't steal their kills.
I mean they're all going different directions. Can someone explain this to me because I don't get it_
And Frankenstein totally hiding the fact that his face is fine.
but do they have any cameras anywhere or
what are people watching on television as happening?
How can they tell when people score points if there's no cameras? I don't -- AH!
And get me wrong it's enjoyable but it's definitely a B-movie
I'm a mean this scene's kinda retarded.
What the fuck is happening here
The guys isn't even jumping out of the way.
I mean it's like she's aiming for the blanket and not the person
Is she really that bad of a driver?
This is like the worst driver in the world.
This is really dumb.
-You know, Myra, some people might think you're cute,
but me, I think you're one very large baked potato.
[YMS] Then Paul Thomas-- I mean WS Anderson comes along and is like "I wanna make a remake of this movie"
except he doesn't really remake it. He just tells a completely different story that has the same title kind of.
It doesn't make any sense because he explains it as a prequel.
[Paul Anderson] It's not like president of America's just invented it.
He must've taken an existing sporting event
or an underground sporting event, of some kind, and made it legal
and that was the story we wanted to tell.
[YMS] and then they get David Carradine to voiceover frankenstein again
and then they kill him in the first scene. so it doesn't -- what?
And this one is set in the year 2012.
Isnt it weird how movies do that?
I mean, it's almost 2012 right now. We're gonna catch up to the timeline pretty soon.
I guess Paul WS Anderson doesn't think this movie will have that long of a shelflife.
This is nothing but a popcorn movie. You sit and you watch, and you go "AH, explosions!"
and "hot chicks" and "you know, Jason Statham's pretty hot, too."
All the while without even realizing that you're just watching a car commercial.
[Footage Person 1] we have the the Riviera, the Trans Am, the Chrysler, the Dodge Ram, the Mustang.
we have a Porsche from 1988.
We have a 7 Series BMW which we've topped out the passenger side, so it's rather like driving a WW1 fighter jet.
[YMS] So we open up this movie with frankenstein DYING.
even though, apparently this is a remake.
I don't know. if you're not completely consistent, then there's no point in pretending this is the same universe.
It doesn't make any SENSE!
We then cut to Jason Statham while a blatant Nine Inch Nails rip-off theme song plays.
"Ah yeah! Machinery, and molten metal,"
"and manual labor."
"MMM! I'm so rugged."
"This is how I leave my work, EVERYDAY."
[YMS] So, it turns out the workers are getting screwed and they're pissed about it,
so a SWAT team shows up and just goes *Oakland* on their asses
and then the scene just ends in the middle of it,
because it doesn't really matter.
Well his job sucks but at least he's got a family that he loves so much.
Ugh. I don't get why they do that movies. "yep. I'm just gonna wait for you to realize I'm here and then kill you."
You'd atleast think he would have his hands ready to do something while she's turning around,
but I guess it doesn't matter cuz it worked out anyway.
Yay! You're framed for murder.
And you're going to jail.
Initial incident. \n if you're anything like Wes Andesons -- I mean, Paul WS Anderson,
you know that if you want North American audiences to be able to relate to the main character,
they have to be *completely innocent*.
"Challenge the audience members? PFF!"
"How would North American audiences relate to a character that done anything wrong in their lives?"
"Because we're all so perfect. Because even though everybody is such a badass,"
"they also love their family."
"Oh, little baby, AW!"
[Footage Person 2] Mr Paul, you're the *driving* force behind this film.
[Paul Anderson] Yes, I was a bit of a slow driver.
[YMS] So then Jason Statham's In prison, and he's like, "This sucks, I'm in prison."
and then the other guys are like, "we don't take too kindly to murderers in prison."
And he's like "RAH! I'm Jason Statham, bitch!"
And then this bitch is like "Yeah, you should just join the Death Race."
"We need someone to replace Frankenstein and pretend they're frankenstein because"
"we're the only ones that know that Frankenstein is actually dead."
"and we made a lot of money off of him, so you should just be frankenstein."
"If you win five races you're free and Frankenstein's already won four."
Remember kids, it's okay to murder people as long as you're a *sick* driver.
But wait a minute. They spend the rest of the movie trying to kill him.
For all they know, they could only get one more episode with Frankenstein.
It must be a lot of money.
So it turns out that they take a bunch of hot chicks from the women's prison
and they get them to be navigators. Y'know, they can't let them drive because they're women
and I guess you're not eligible if you're ugly or even mediocre looking. Sorry.
They're just there to look hot basically. Doesn't it kinda suck for them?
I mean the fates of their lives and freedoms rest in some other random prisoners' hands.
It's not like the navigators have any say in anything.
They could be like, "Yo, do that!"
And the other driver could just be like "No."
"You're a woman."
There's no point in them even being there.
Yeah, better ratings because we have tits.
So, they're clearly there to look hot
but they don't give them some sort of, like, cheerleader job or something
I'm pretty sure most guys just wanna see hot chicks.
Not see hot chicks get mangled in car accidents.
And that's true.
And Paul WS Anderson knows this
because whenever we see a car crash we only get to see the dude die.
Unless she's asian.
Their names aren't even on the scoreboard
and if you're watching Death Race on TV than you can't even see the hot chicks
because it's fucking mirrored glass.
there's not really much else to say about this movie. It's just shit, okay?
They raise a bunch and there's a happy ending, and they really don't care about the quality of the film
[Matty] It's all about money.
[Footage Person 3] It's always about money, Matty.
It's *always* about money, y'know.
[Paul Anderson] the studio keeps referring to this movie
-- I think they can't quite believe they made it --
because they keep saying this is the major studio movie that should never have been made,
because it kindof feels like a gritty independent movie but made on a big budget.
It really is unapologetically hardcore.
[YMS] Yeah, that's right. You're an *indie* director. You're so uncompromising.
Yeah, you don't care about what sells, you just wanna make art.
You don't blatantly reuse clips in a movie that you actually care about, you fuck.
[Black man] DAMN!
[Footage Person 4] You have probably, the most vile and cruelest line of dialogue this year
[Woman (in character)] Okay, cocksucker. Fuck with me, and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk.
[Woman (out of character)] Absolutely, Paul Anderson, the director, he's like, "that's the best line I've ever written."
"That is the absolute best line I've ever written."
[YMS] And then there's Death Race 2. A movie that you find walking through a video store, and then you say,
"Hey, I didn't know they're was a Death Race 2 and look! Jason Staham's even in i--"
that's not Jason Statham. now I know that they're not playing the same characters
but isn't it really obvious that they tried to get a guy that looked like Jason Statham.
Except Jason's more buff. maybe you shouldn't try putting Luke Goss in the role of a badass.
[Luke Goss (in character)] I'm not looking for best friend, okay? So just leave me alone.
[YMS] I just see a pretty boy.
every time he tries to act tough, it seems forced got nothing against the guy but he's just not intimidating.
But I'll get more into that later. You're probably wondering who would bother to make such a PIECE OF SHIT.
[Roel Reine] Me, I could use Paul's world that he created, and bring it to this movie and take it a little bit further
[Mike Elliot] Paul was concerned about who would be taking over his baby.
when he heard that Roel was interested he was pleased with that choice
[YMS] I'm sorry. who?
Okay, nevermind. I guess it doesn't matter. The movie starts out with, Yup!
That same fuckin song from the first one.
And if you're still not convinced that what you're hearing is a rip off, just listen to this song the "Mark Has Been Made" by Nine Inch Nails
[If your ears were working they would be graced with the aforementioned song. Sorry, deaf folk. D: ]
[YMS] Well, FUCK! The exact same instruments.
Almost the same melody, baseline and tempo with just enough tweak so that they don't have to pay any royalties.
Well, I'm gonna keep this song going, because it's better. We start out the movie with Danny Trejo?
Okay.
[Danny Trejo] First of all, I just wanted to play a guy named Goldberg. Hahaha.
I'm, y'know, the only Mexicans jew in the world.
[YMS] We then see Roel's cartoonish interpretation of what life is like in prison.
[Black man] Faggot.
[YMS] The extras have no idea what they're doing there. They're so uncoordinated.
Nothing has even happened yet and this is already awesome.
[Footage person 5] This picture while, it's not overtly funny, there's a certain amount of humor in it.
[YMS] I love this movie.
"Quick cut! Quick cut! Lack of wideshots! Inappropriate tone of music!"
"Zero martial arts training."
"Cheesy sound effect! Dub dub dub."
[Reporter] just moments ago--
[YMS] Why are you there?
Anyway, a SWAT team shows up, and they're about as trained as the rest of the actors.
This poorly coordinated scene goes on until a helicopter shows up,
and we all know if a helicopter shows up *and* it's in slow motion, it's over.
Speaking of unnecessary slow-motion...
We're introduced to Sean Bean,
We're also introduced to a lot of almost boob.
In the background and out of focus boob.
And no boob.
[Luke Goss (in character)] I think it's the third world's greatest game.
[Sean Bean] What the fuck are you laughin' at.
Excuse us, please.
[YMS] "Get outta here, you irrelevant character."
They start talking and we figure out that they're friends and that Sean Bean's hiring him to pull of some sort of Bank Heist,
when suddenly "Buh-da-nu-na-nu-nuuuuh."
There's a fuckin' car. I take back what I said about the remake. That's not a car commercial,
this is.
ShelbyAutos.com
The next scene begins and we start to learn about how much the writer enjoys writing characters that have no respect for women.
[Ving Rhames (in character)] Was something I said funny?
[YMS] I'm sorry, is it just me or does Ving Rhames seem really out of place in this movie?
[Interviewer] He, sort of, tried to make it standout different from the other Death Race films.
[Ving Rhames] I don't know I didn't see the other Death Race, so I don't know.
[YMS] Anyway, they start this foreboding conversation about how much money could be made off of watching people kill each other
and then it just ends.
So these guys get to the bank and they put extra emphasis on the whole "we should do this without using guns" thing.
And then the police show up just by coincidence.
[Luke Goss (in character)] You got company. Get out of there. Benny, you copy?
[Benny] Fuckin' don't worry about it, man. Don't stress out.
[Luke Goss (in character)] Oak aboard. Get outta there.
[Benny] Chill, man.
[Luke Goss (in character)] Jonesy, abort. Abort. Get outta there.
[Benny] It's under control.
[YMS] I'm sorry, you guys are both idiots.
What's the point of having a look out, if you don't fucking listen to him?
And why didn't you say that it was cops?
Maybe he would have listened, if you just said that.
God dammit. Now he has to show off his martial arts skills.
So Luke Goss gets pissed and he's all like in 20 years and nobody got hurt, why'd you'd have to hurt anybody?
And then all of a sudden.
SLOW MOOOOOOO.
Pretty good shot.
And then the soundtrack seems to forget what movie this is, and I don't even know what they're trying to do with this
[Woman] I have to say that was a beautiful moment in the film. The gun shot.
*farting sfx*
Yeah, your reaction. You have obviously seen the film. It was really good of you there.
[Luke Goss (out of character)] Thank you. You know it was shot in slow motion,
and there's this wonderful kind of moment in the film where the director had all these phonetics behind him,
and all these shot guns and kind of mayhem in this kind of surreal moment where I can't really understand what has just happened.
I realize clearly I have just taken the life of a man, and it's just life changing, for many, many people.
[YMS] So then they have a chase scene and it's really boring,
The cuts are so quick you barely have enough time to process you're seeing.
You know just because you filmed all those angles doesn't mean that you have to show every single one.
Sometimes you just gotta learn to let it go
but I think that Roel has a problem with letting go.
because he seems to want to linger on every special effects shot EVER.
"Oh my god that shot turned out so good. let's make a last eight minutes."
I mean, seriously and that music does not fucking belong there.
So he's like "Stop killing people, get out of my car. I don't believe in murder"
And then Sean Bean sees him on TV,
and then over-reacts a little.
[Sean Bean] FOCK!
Fockin' hell.
[YMS] "Yeah! Chase scene on the freeway. Oh no, a dead end."
Wait, what the fuck?
It's not like he turned off the freeway and into another part of the freeway that he wasn't supposed to go.
He was just on the freeway.
where were those other cars going?
What the fuck?
What's funny is that these cops going over the edge, didn't actually get pushed over
They were just driving ahead of the person they were chasing.
How are you out so fast?
You know this needs?
Slow motion.
and that really shitty music.
"Uh. I didn't want to hurt ANYBODY"
"I'm SO pretty."
Initial incident.
Captions by Practically Illiterate.Wordpress.com
Hey! The director decided to show some boobs.