Do you want to know how to motivate a child to do homework? Well, you're not alone. Many parents
want to know that. In fact, I was invited to China to speak about that. My name is Nicholeen Peck and
I teach all over the world about parenting, good communication, and how to better unify family
relationships through the lens of the principal, self government. What is that? Well, it's going
to help us understand how to help our children do homework. So let's talk about homework now.
In this video, we're going to talk a little bit about self government,
because that's important for us to understand how to help our children be motivated to do
their homework. Now I know motivated means they actually want to do their homework,
that seems like a crazy thing, right, that any child would want to do their homework.
But if they understand a little bit more, if they get to be invested a little bit more than
oftentimes they find themselves wanting to do that. We're going to talk about how to do that
in this video. So my father was a public school teacher. So was homework important in my home? Oh,
yeah. Big time. In fact, we knew that if we didn't get our homework done, there were going to be a
lot of conversations with dad about that there was no excuse in his mind for us to not do our
very best in school. But did I ever find myself sneaking by on the homework or not really doing
it like I should or just hating the whole process of it? Yeah. But were there times when I loved it?
Yes. If I'm completely honest with myself, there were times when I was learning something new,
or I felt myself growing and achieving some higher level of academic prowess where suddenly, I knew
I liked this. In fact, every single year at the start of the school year,
I could not wait for school to start because I wanted to learn something new. Summer was great,
but boring, all at the same time and I wanted to have my sparks start flying in my brain. So
I wanted to learn more. Wow, after like the first two days, I would go into a slight depression,
then like, oh, great, I'm back at school, a whole other year of this, and I'm not going to learn
anything new. So this gives us a clue to what helps children want to learn, they actually want
to learn. If they're going to do their homework, it's got a matter to them and the thing is,
you don't get to be the person in charge of the homework and it may be geared toward a totally
different student, not your students. So then what do you do? This makes life kind of tough.
So we're going to talk about self government, and then I have to confess something to you that
might make you want to turn off the video, I hope you don't. But I'm going to do a confession, and
then share with you some educational principles that I think are going to really help. So first,
let's talk about self government. Self government is being able to determine the cause and effect
of any given situation, and possessing a knowledge of your own behavior so that you can control them.
So what that means is that a person is able to analyze their own behaviors, that they are able
to see cause and effect as it relates to what they want and what they're doing and actually getting
out of it. They assess themselves regularly make plans for their own success and if they make
mistakes, they take full ownership of it and say I'm not going to do it that way again, I'm now
going to fix it and use a new skill or take new steps to succeed better in the future. So you see
how this could help homework, right? So if a person says well, what do I want in my education? Okay,
well, then how do I get there? What are the steps that I need to take academically? Well, part of
the process is to do this thing called homework. Well, how could I do the homework? What's my plan
for homework, so I can get that stuff accomplished to either a, study something I want to or b, so
they get the most out of it, depending on if the homework really seems relevant or not right to the
child and where they're going with their vision. So then the child takes steps and they check
up with somebody about the homework. Now I know handing it into the teacher seems like a checkup.
But in our family, all school work was checked up with the parents. Okay, here comes my confession.
I homeschooled my children. So I was a treatment foster parent for a lot of years for troubled
teens, all between the ages of 12 and 18. Those children all went to school, public school,
and I went to public school too. My dad was a public school teacher after all, but my children,
my four children, I decided to homeschool and it wasn't because I thought I knew everything about
education because I didn't. It was because I felt like they needed a different experience. I wanted
them to love it. They were already loving it when they were little because I would do
these 20 minutes of what I called mommy school with them when they were little, and then they
wanted more and more and more and I don't want to destroy this, because I remember what it feels
like to want more and more and to not get it, to have someone hand you worksheet after worksheet
every night of something you already know and then you forget your parents signature on it,
because you got it done at school, but that parent has to sign it. So you learn to forge to lie,
to cheat, to manipulate. What does that teach you about homework? It teaches you it's bad,
it teaches you you don't like it. So I developed a really healthy hate of learning for a time
instead of a love of learning and I wanted my children to have a love of learning and not to
fall in what happened to me. So the learning that happens at the school is geared toward
sometimes the lower end of stuff, and I wasn't on the lower end, when it came to the academics,
I was usually in the higher percentile of the class. So that means I was bored all the time
and I had no time to go research anything I wanted to research, because all my time got taken up with
this stuff called homework and all of the things that were for that class. So if you want your
child to love homework, your talks about education cannot be about homework. Hmm, sounds interesting,
right? So we're going to talk about how to talk to them about academics, how they could possibly do
homework without having all the discussion just be about homework. But before we do, click the
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come out. So how in the world can you talk about homework and get homework problem solved without
talking about homework all the time because I think this is where parents find themselves.
They want their child to do well in school, they feel like that's super important. And so all they
ever do is talk about the school and talk about the homework. You know, if I wanted to disconnect
a parent from their child, I would hijack all their conversation. I would say you know what,
maybe if I can get the parent to do the bidding of somebody else, maybe a school, or a government
or a fill in the blank and make the parent worry so much about the child complying with something
else, that all of their conversation turn toward the extrinsic behaviors of the child,
or whether the child is complying or not, then I could ruin the relationship with parent and child.
Now I'm not saying there's somebody who's planned that out. I wouldn't put it past people. But I'm
not saying somebody has. Okay, I'm not saying that some master plan. But I am saying it could happen
if all of your conversations are about what happens at the school and trying to get your
child ready for the school and in the school and doing the stuff at the school, then you are just
an employee of the school. So what did I do with my foster children who had to go to school? So I'm
homeschooling mine, right? My four, but my foster children had to go to school, they were state
mandated to go there. So how did I help them want to do homework? Well, I made homework not about
homework necessarily. Okay. So number one, if the homework really is stupid, if it's like below
their level, then be like, let's just knock this out really fast because this is a waste of time.
Let them know that you recognize when the stuff is dumb too, right, and maybe who knows, over time,
maybe you want to do something different. I have a whole website is dedicated to homeschooling,
actually, and to help parents succeed at that and it's all free. Everything there is free is called
Heartofhomeschool.net. So if you've ever been curious how people do it and are successful,
I can honestly say our family was very successful. My children did college, they all started
university when they were 16 years old. And so we were very successful at that kind of stuff. So
anyway, check it out heartofhomeschool.net. All right, so but we're going to talk about let's say
they're not let's say they're in another school, a private school, a charter school, public school,
wherever. Okay, so how do you get them to do that homework? Well, number one, you've got to have
conversations with them about what they are hoping not to gain from school, but what they are hoping
to do with their lives. Say, what do you want to accomplish in your life? Like, what would make
you more happy than anything? Okay, and you got to be prepared for this. My daughter says to me,
when I asked this question, I just want to be a mom. I just want to be able to, you know,
enjoy my children and have good relationships with my children and I want to teach them things
and I just want to be a mom. Okay, that is a super noble, noble mission for life. I know people
make it sound like it's not as good. You have to do all this other stuff, too.
I've done all the stuff, I've headed the businesses, I've led the nonprofits I've spoken to the
United Nations. I've been invited by the Chinese government to go and speak over there and try to
help their children who they only will talk about, about homework and about school with, they don't
talk about anything else. I'm not talking about all of them but this is a major thing. Many
parents over they're not seeing their children on a regular basis, they might see him like once
or twice a year sometimes because of the migrant worker problem and they are literally only
talking about school because they're only worried about money for the child and for themselves.
Later, I've talked to all these types of people, I've done all the things I've written all the
books, 11 books at this point, as well as been a contributor for other things, write articles,
places do all of these things. But you know what, that motherhood is actually the most
important thing I've ever done with my life. So if my daughter says to me, I want to be a mother,
I'm going to be like, awesome. That's like the biggest, most important thing you ever would do.
Let's talk about what you need, what you want to accomplish. What do you want it to be like
at your house when you're being that mother or if my son says, Mom, I want to be an engineer,
I might be like, Whoa, okay, that's awesome. What does it take to be an engineer? Have you
ever met an engineer? Let's call Uncle Preston. And we'll talk to him about his engineering,
I'm going to get them connected with people who do stuff they want to do, I'm going to start getting
our hands into things and you know what, when they come home from school, those are going to
be my top priorities? And then I'm going to say to them, okay, so with the school stuff,
how does this factor in do you think it's going to help you? Because like, we can meet the engineer,
but I guess the math is kind of important. Right? So maybe we should get that math done.
What is your favorite subject in school? Do you like the math? Well, not really, because, okay,
well, let's help you like the math. So now I'm going to find ways to help them like the math,
I'm probably even going to do the math with them. Now, I know for many people, they might say, well,
we you just hit time intensive, Nicholeen, and I don't have time, we are doing things, I've got
work, they've got school, we've got stuff, okay, I know. But when you are there with them, making it
a connective moment, discussing it, and bringing it back to the picture of who they want to become,
it changes it. Learning some sort of art or craft, when a woman wants to be a designer, like my
daughter London loves to design, she does Virtual Design and Architecture and stuff. That's an
important part of her upbringing, then, isn't it? So you got to spend your time there, instead of
just on the little academic pursuits that they're sending home that check the boxes. Of course,
there's a breadth of education that we want to hit. But we also need to make sure that we keep
it in alignment with a vision of where they're headed. Now, can the schools do personalized
education tracks for the children? No, sadly, they can't. They try to make things as personal as they
can. But they're never going to get there like you can. So as the parent, that's what you want to do.
You want to make sure that you are making the educational opportunities for your child possible,
which means you might have to do them yourself. So how to self government come into it? Well,
once you determine what you want, and you want it bad enough, then you'll learn to govern your time,
you'll learn how to say, Hey, mom, can we just knock out this silly stuff that I have to do
for humanities or whatever and then can we work on this, the child will see what's important and
what's not important and they'll know that what you think is important is also what's important
to them. But you'll still help them succeed with all that other stuff that seems like it's busy
work or gets in the way and when you're doing that, you'll open up the door and try to make the
connections to the relevant stuff for them as well. Make education be the way that you run your life
instead of just the school, the homework and doing the bidding there And then they'll start looking
forward to the time where they get to study their things. Now, here's another thing, in order to have
the time to study the things, you've got to have the time. So you have to say, Wait, what gets
in the way of our time is our family culture all about come home, get it done, and then watch TV,
then they'll never love homework because the TV is the reward. So it needs to be about come home,
discuss and then let's get into some stuff. Let's have a real enriching evening and afternoon,
turn off the TV. Don't make that be the thing that kills the homework and kills the love of learning
for the child. That's important to hey, I can go on and on about all the different things that you
can do to help instill the love of homework or the love of education in your child. Things like
teach them to follow an instruction because the following an instruction is something they're
going to need to do and if they know how to follow instruction, maybe they will just say okay,
I just got to get this done like I do the other instructions. So there are a lot of things that
we could talk about. I think I've hit the most important ones here though. I hope you'll have
some deliberate conversations with your children. Now if you have enjoyed this, I'm pretty sure
you'll like my next video which is a full class all about self government and some of these
skills like following instructions and accepting "no" answers and stuff. Like what you're going to
need for if they're not gonna be watching TV every day. And so click on the link to that
video now, that video is called the not so known secret for parenting success. I'll see you there.