Evan: Hello, everyone and welcome to an episode of spill the tea; a series on my channel where I bring someone on and we just chat
about topics that are on our mind, today's topic
anxiety
Luke : Anxiety
Evan: Spill the anxiety. I just came off of a very very bad sickness
I could barely move yesterday and the day before that, don't know how New york really messed me up.
I now have my voice back, and I'm about 75% better. So if I have a voice cracked or something
because of that or I hit puberty again, so
got a beard hair.
Luke: I think it's important to mention that neither of us have diagnosed daily anxiety
Evan: I think a really important to mention
Luke: important thing - yeah
There's a separation between full-on like diagnose daily anxiety something you have every single day and a general background
feeling of unease. I have had a
medical person say that they think I have anxiety but not being properly
diagnosed officially, but yeah, I was told I likely do.
Evan: I want to talk about the fact that I feel like maybe not everyone
but a lot more people than you expect have experienced anxiety in some form of life, but they wouldn't talk about it
or they would just push it aside. Which is really hurting,
It's really bad and the reason this has come up in my mind
Is because of the recent death of the Linkin Park's singer.
I don't know why it affected me as much as it did,
but it did because I felt like this person was suffering a lot and he kept it to himself
And he took his life, and it made me really sad because I know that so many other people are suffering like him
And they have nowhere to go and I just wish more people were open about
the fact that everyone has anxiety in a way everyone just has depression well,
Everyone has mental health issues from time to time. Luke: The thing about Chester is that he actually
Didn't entirely keep it himself and he spoke openly with many newspapers about how he at points wanted to end his life
and all his lyrics are full of references to depression. I actually I think the real problem there
is that actually you say stuff, but people don't really take it seriously
until you do something and that's really sad
And that's what I think the thing that society needs to get better at, is if someone says.
Like so often we tweet things like "I'm very very awful tonight" but because it's a tweet.
You know if you actually said that to a person in real life,
If i said that to you, like some of the things about tweet in the past you'd be like "what?" Evan: yeah
well
For me like for instance because I just come out of a sickness it feels much better to be able to tweet like "oh guys,
I had the worse flu and I'm really sick." and everyone be like "oh no
I hope you feel better" because everyone knows exactly on the feels,
but if I tweeted "guys I'm having really bad mental health right now." It's almost embarrassing
It's almost like Luke: yeah Evan: you know so much of who we are is in our brain. So my brain is sick
That's bad. Luke: And it's sort of yeah, it's like oh get away from the bad juju Evan: yeah
I don't know it feels almost embarrassing to say oh, I'm not feeling well and especially for me on my channel
I try to be very upbeat. I make very happy videos so for me to go "Oh, I'm not feeling good today"
I feel really sad Luke: as you did last week. Evan: Yeah, that was a scary video for me to upload because it wasn't normal
There's a video of me being openly honest about this bad anxiety thing that I have. Luke: what you said earlier
You said that you feel like a lot more people than you know have this and actually I think that
because we're not taught about symptoms or taught to sort of if you have a pain in your arm
And you go and get a checked out Evan: yeah
Luke: So on another level a lot of people who you don't realize have it will have it and on another level
You may be going through anxiety and not had had a label. You just have this kind of background
unease and nervousness all the time, but you've never really put a label on that. Evan: Yeah and also
I don't want a label because once I put a label on it. It's like now. I'm mentally unwell you know
I'm not a perfectly healthy person. I want to lie to myself and tell myself. Oh, no. I'm great
Luke: but that's because society makes us scared of that. Evan: Yup. That's true
society is telling me I can't be I cannot be mentally unwell at any point. To normalize it in my mind
I view being mentally unwell for me the way that I am as having a illness so like I had a cold for three days
I got mentally unwell for three days, and I felt really depressed and I had anxiety like that's
Normal it's a normal thing that anyone can experience
I usually get it when I have huge amounts of stress that happen all the same time. I'm moving house within a month
I've been traveling way too much in the last month,
A lot of stuff has been happening
And I have no control over it that starts stressing me out which builds up anxiety in my head
And then it all kicks off, and it's really scary Luke: exactly I have um
Which I've spoken to you about in on in our actual lives
but it's just not something I've ever spoken about online, but this background sort of
constant
Fear of certain things in my life, and it's really
I'd never put a label on it until I went and I had some stuff and chatted to people
properly and like I've never really figured like this is not normal like it's not normal or right that I should be
constantly in fear of certain things and sort of terrified of every
corner in my, chapter in my life either, but not so that for me was like a really big moment
I was like oh, I'm not just crazy
Like this is a thing
and I think what like by discussing it and I think a lot of youtubers talking about it and
normalizing it, it won't cure it. It's never going to cure it. Evan: No. Luke: But It'll make people feel less alone
less kind of
freaky. Evan: Like just because you have money or because you have fame that doesn't change the fact that on the inside things aren't always the best
Luke: Exactly what I tweet about this the other day
Yeah, just saying money and fame and all this stuff does not make you happy in fact
it generally makes it worse because if you're somebody like Zoe who is
literally living her entire life in front of Paparazzi and in front of fans and they can't
be in their house without someone waiting at the door the gate of their house sometimes
And so it's only going to make it worse. Evan: Yeah. Luke: you don't go as an anxious person
I've never looked at something and be like oh, this is a really really bad situation
I'm in but like I look at those bank figures am I right yes like that's not. *both laughs* Evan: at least I have money
Luke: If anything it makes it worse, on the flip side of that
money does allow you access to help in the way that like so when I wanted to get some help for things
I was hit by the fact that our RHS is chronically underfunded and I couldn't
get more than a certain number of weeks of help without paying and I just haven't done that anymore. Evan: Yeah for me
I wanted to like try and get therapy for ages
Just because I'd like to talk to a therapist about lots of different things find out
the oppressed memories that I just found that I have, lots of stuff, but
It's so much effort. There's so many walls. I'd spend money and not even the money
It's just, just Luke: it's yeah
And if you walked in and you were like being sick or like had a broken arm
they fix you straight away, you're in A&e done, and that's not the lesson physical illness in any way, but
if I want to get help for things I have to go to my doctor who then it depends on.
Today where I wanted to talk about stuff and my doctor was so like uninterested in my existence
and that's just the type of person that person was but
it can be so depending on who you talk to, how that person's day is going Evan: like at least it was free though,
that's convenient. Luke: That is the thing. I was thinking though was like
I'm so lucky that I can go "that wouldn't go well. I'll just booked another one"
I did not cost me like 400 pounds. Evan: Yeah, just to check up for a doctor in the U.S.A
is 75 bucks so like Luke: that's disgusting.
Evan: Hey doctor. Here's my money
*Luke laughs*
Luke: that's
Evan: But I do think therapy is an incredibly important thing that a lot more people should consider, but there's such a negative stigma on it
that they just don't like I said I'm now over the stigma,
I'm just I have a huge issue with walls that come up when
I want to do something the more difficult it is to do the low or lose interested
Luke: And it's also the people who are the exact people who need these help, the mental health services are the exact people who are not going
Evan: people who have anxiety; they cannot do it.
Luke: Someone who's depressed is going to feel like they're wasting people's time
Like the first two months of my thing I was just like I feel like I'm not really worthy to be here and there's people
With bigger problem, yeah and so like I just felt really like I,
Why am I here? why am I wasting their time? like they've got limited resources and so if anything
Those specific services need to be easier to access because you have no proof you have no broken arm or blood or bone sticking out
your body. You only have your word and so you need to be able to go in and go I'm feeling this thing and
be taken seriously Evan:yeah
Luke: And be loved and accepted
and made to feel not like you're wasting their time
Evan: In the meantime though if you can't get therapy do you feel like
talking to people or friends or family does help a lot?
Luke: It depends. I mean, I think you have to pick
pick carefully like I for example have never told my family about this, so sister if you're watching I've never mentioned it
It's not like I try to hide it, I just I don't want them to stress about it because I'm alright and worried
Yeah, I'm on it. And that's fine like I'm an adult I can deal with this but,
Yes, I definitely I would say confining in people is great.
Evan: Well, I find a lot of parents don't take their children serious on this
I know that's personal experiences and from a lot of viewers comments on my last video
they'll say I tried to tell my mom I had anxiety tried to tell my mom I had depression and she'll just say no it's
upset
No, you just move on Luke: or you're just teenagers
Evan: Yeah, or you just teenagers, and it's like not necessarily you kind of need to take this stuff seriously
Luke: Like even if nine out of ten of the people going feeling like they're go do something was just being a teenager
Just being silly for that one out of ten you have to take it seriously
Evan: Do you think people pretend to have anxiety
because it's Trendy? Luke: I'm sure there's some people, but that's like. Evan: I always encounter like that
I see people tweet like well
No, because someone wants got out of an assignment by saying he got anxiety about it
And he doesn't actually have anxiety and I was like okay. Well, he is a asshole. I mean there's always those people with us
Luke: Yeah, that's my point. Is that even, in the same way the people are being dramatic if people making it up.
You still need to just take it seriously for the rest of them. Evan: Yeah, exactly Luke: Like it's like with anything
They're always will be people who are abusing like jobs or abusing
benefits or abusing the NHS
But you have to just sort of get over that and go the majority people are not because there's so much stigma around
depression or around anxiety, it's not like people are going
oh that made me really cool because it actually does make your friends alienate you sometimes
Evan: yeah
Luke: And no one wants that and so yes, some people doing it to be trendy
But the majority of people aren't and I think you can kind of spot the ones that are. Evan: yeah
Luke: I don't think it's hard. Evan: personally I find when I am having really deep about's of
anxiety I just need to talk to a friend immediately just on the phone, and I'll talk about anything,
I'll talk about what's the causing issue
So that it can get it out, and then we switch to something about them.
I want to talk about them and what's wrong with them their love life la blah blah
And we go back to me back to them and then over time. It's like it dissipates like I'm okay now.
That's just my personal. Luke: It's like an attack. It's like as long as you
distract from it for as long as you can once that passes, then you can help it.
It's not gonna cure it,
but you can help it Evan: What are your best tips for
lessening anxiety you have when you're really intense with it? because mine are mostly just
trying to count my breaths a little bit and talking to people
Luke: I think we have to really find out what the root
Evan: Yeah
Luke: Cause is,that what your trigger is like for me personally I get really anxious when I feel like I'm wasting my life or
unproductive
Evan: Oh, yeah, mine is unproductive. Luke: Yeah like and so that but then the problem with that is that the more anxious
I feel the less productive I become so it's a horrible cycle,
I was feeling that for the last few days and Evan goes "Do you want to make a video?"
And I suddenly like huh well yes yes I do and it really pulled me out of a really crappy few days um
Evan: And I'm like sick as a dog like Luke: yeah, you have been as well like just watching
Lord Of The Rings and stuff Evan: I was like listen because I was so sick I couldn't do anything, but I knew
When you're that sick, you just have to so I was able to tell myself. It's okay that I'm wasting two days
I'm not wasting it. I'm allowing my body to heal
Luke: yeah
Luke: I think if you really have an understanding, if you have somebody in your life, or there's an understanding of how you're feeling
and knows the root causes or your triggers or things like this.
I think that can really pull you out it like we sort of did today for each other
I've had a really horrible week of just
oh, I'm failing, I'm getting nothing done,
I'm sinking and actually that if you meant to but that kind of pulled me out of that, you're still able to do this
quickly organize to meet with friends or to do things,
Kind of pull yourself out of that, so rather than once you're in it. It's impossible to pull yourself out, but once you are
doing well
try and
sort of
imagine that you will be like that in a few days time
and set up stuff that will bring you out of it whether it is seeing friends, maybe it's not seeing friends.
Maybe it's watching TV or getting work done. Evan: Yeah. Luke: But like trying to if you swing between
emotions like I do all the time. I think trying and I suck at this, but really trying to
prepare for when you're bad Evan: If I can feel anxiety
coming on and I know I can feel there's a very light scream happening. I'm gonna go there. I always go oh my God
Why is that? Oh. That's just anxiety and that's bullshit. I
literally, I have to go. Nope that, and it comes back and like nope,
nope, nope, and I have to keep saying nope to it, and that slightly worked sometimes and
I'm still here. Luke: But there's times when that you just can't, like you're just falling into this pit
Evan: Yeah. Luke: And that's yeah,
It's really difficult, so I think really opening up to people you trust who understand.
I was tweeting the other day about how people just cannot understand mental health until they have a mental condition.
Evan:Yeah
Evan: I could never emphasis with the people that have anxiety until I experienced it, genuinely
I think was like two years ago was the first time I experienced it but before then people would say it and I just I could
never fully understand. Luke: Because they just think you're being dramatic or you're being lazy, or that you're being whatever.
Evan: I just didn't know. Luke: I mean the majority of people did.
Evan: As a happy party note,
if you've never experienced anxiety
Evan: Try and keep them occupied in a way and
Luke: Try and trust that you don't understand and trust the experience is real and valid and
You should yeah
Evan: And you should just be thankful they're opening up to you and saying that they have that because that is with the stigma
that's hard enough as it is so thank them right, and then have a good time. Make good friends, and then everything be good.
Thanks for coming to join me on spill the tea about anxiety Thank you. Luke: Lastly before we go
I think we should say,
We really intended this to be a good thing, and if we've messed up, or said anything silly
then please let us know in a nice polite fashion
and we will discuss. Evan: I hopefully don't get anxiety from comments. We made a video on your channel. Luke: It's called
It's okay to not be okay, and I think it will have help a lot of people.
Evan: Go check that out. Thank you very much for watching. I hope to see you next week,
and I hope you're doing well, stay well.
Luke: Stay Classy San Diego.
Together: see you later. Bye