This request actually came from some of our younger viewers. -Okay. -"Dr. Paul, can
you tell us the best way to totally manipulate our parents?" And I can. Parents,
before you run screaming away from this video, stick with me because I think
you're going to like the final answer. Let's explore a few options first. Maybe, the
best way for you to totally manipulate your parents is to just tell them what
they want to hear. Just... You know what they want to hear. So, just tell them that/
-Just tell them that. Just say it. -Do kids ever try this? -Oh, they'd try it all the
time. They just tell you what you want, to hear not necessarily what it's true.
-Vicki, you're a mom. Can you tell if they're doing that? -Usually I can tell
right away. -Can you tell if they're doing that as a parent? Yeah, you can. It
stinks a little. I mean you can kind of smell it. You can see it coming. Tell them
what they want to hear. -No. That's not it. -Well do you have another idea?
-How about manipulate your parents by just just suck it up and do whatever
they want you to do? -Mmm. -They want you to do certain things so
maybe if that's what you do... If you don't really... Just do it. -Arguably,
probably a better answer than the first one. -Mm-hmm. -Because you're not just
talking. You're actually stepping up and doing something. That carries a little
more weight. But honestly, Vicki, I'm thinking about that as a parent. And there have
been times, even our kids who are great kids. They're all grown now. They would do
something that we comply but the whole time it was just kind of "Ugh.." You know,
they're acting put out. It's like... -I think sometimes we forget that as a parent,
it's not all about what our kids do. We want them to become wonderful, happy,
adjusted, responsible people. And so, when you're just going through the
emotions, just do it because they said to do it. They're not actually becoming
anything. So, just doing it, just to do it. Is that the best way? -No. That's not it
either. -Okay, what's another idea? -Okay. Okay, I got
it. I got it. -Okay. -Get better at staying underground. At
sneaking around, at not getting caught. -I do what you want but just don't get
caught. -Yes. -That's one way to manipulate. -Oh,
what do you think? -Yeah. I don't think that's going to do it for you. Because
you know what? Here's the thing: I learned as a mom that you see almost everything.
And your mom and dad are just choosing which ones to pay attention to because
your parents are going to find out one way or another what's going on.
-Parents can you relate to this too? And sometimes, you just have a gut feel
that what you're seeing doesn't match what's actually going on. -So, just kind of
flying under the radar and doing what you want but not getting caught, is that
the way to... -No. Not it. -Alright. one tactic I
think that's really important to talk about and it might be a really good way
of manipulating is just learning how to use your very best skills, your
persuasion that you have developed for these last 10 years and really persuade
your parents through giving them all of the reasons and to see why your
way is the best way. -Prove it to then. -Prove to them that you know
what should happen. Use those sweet debating skills. And honestly, a lot of
teens are better debaters than their parents are. -Yeah. -So, that brilliant mind
of yours and those sweet debating skills... Yeah,
prove that they're wrong. -Yeah. -What do you think? -I don't think going to...
-Okay, this one. This one has got
to be it. Point out all the ways that they are messing up as parents. -Yeah. Play
on their guilt. -Yes. And shame. Guilt and shame. Because parents want to be good
parents. And if you let them know that they are not good parents... -Or maybe they
don't even know they're not. So, you got to make sure they know. -You better let
them know everything that they're doing wrong. This is getting worse, isn't it?
-Yeah. These are for fighting. I don't think that's going to work either. -It's not going to do
it. Now, we've shared these with you so that you can see some of the common
tactics or strategies that are used. And parents, you maybe wanted to run away at
the beginning of the video because you were afraid we were going to suggest some
of those things. And it's like your child already kind of knows these, right?
-They've already tried them on you. You know what the number one way is? I have
learned this through clinical experience through over 30 years now of being a
father myself. Through having been a kid and tried some of these tactics when I
was younger. The number one way to totally manipulate your parents and it
works every time is to get them to trust you. -What? That's manipulating? -Totally.
Now, the word manipulation may be overstating it a little bit.
-Basically getting hopefully getting your desired outcome. -Vicki, as a mom,
what does it do to you when you trust your kids? And you're not pretending.
You legitimately trust them? What does that do to your maternal mind? -Well,
I know what I can allow them to do and what I what I'm going to get. And
so, I... You know, remember our desire is not to control as a parent. It is to
handle and just be a collaborator. -Which we are happy to do
when we trust our kids. Hey, this is powerful. If you're a parent
listening to this, share it with your kids. If you are a teenager listening to
this, trust me. Through the experience that I've had,
this is the number one way to get whatever you want from your parents. And
the thing is, if you can get them to trust you, you're not going to violate
that trust by doing one of the other goofy things that we shared with you.
-Yeah. Because remember, number 3 or something like that is to just kind of
do it but not get caught. That's not true trust. -No. -Trust is that you really are,
who you say you are. You do what you say you're going to do. You show up the
way you say you're going to show up. And so when you start doing that, you're
showing maturity and the parent can hand over trust. -Yes. Now, a quick word about
trust. It's kind of like a bank account. You can build it up over time. And you do
that by making deposits. Now, a deposit, a trust deposit is when you do it you said
you were going to do, you be where you said you were going to be. You take
initiative to do things of your own free will and choice. -And you take responsibility for the
choices that didn't work out. -Own it. -Because that's part of it too.
-Even accepting the answer no helps to build trust with your parents. If you
don't get to do what you wanted to do today because they said no but you
accept that graciously, deposit. You're building your trust account. Now,
something I've learned about bank accounts. You can make withdrawals too.
And when you make it withdrawal, you don't have a balance. So, if you're
building up this trust and then you decide you're going to sneak out or do
something that you promised you wouldn't do or that is against the rules or the
family gathering or whatever it is. That's like taking a big withdrawal out of that account and
you lose the trust. So, it's something you have to make constant deposits into that
trust account. Once you get your parents to trust you, you can get them to do
anything for you. I don't think we covered the whole list. If you have some
other ideas that you want to share with the other parents here in our community,
please take a moment to make a comment down below. Maybe share this video with
someone that you think would appreciate it. And keep watching. We'll have more
videos coming your way tomorrow.