P1: How many people are looking at me right now
P2: Like a lot! P1: This is terrifying.
Julian: How many times has somebody told you the relationship ended because the spark went out.
Why does it always switch gears from effortless fun to consciously requiring work.
Wait, should you even have to work in a relationship or should they just work. Well guess what,
the spark always dies. Julian: How long have you two been together?
P3: Thirteen years. P1: Eight years.
P4: We have been together for three years married for one year.
P5: Four years. P6: Eight years, married two and a half.
Julian: Do you guys think that relationships require work or should they just work.
Both: They require work. P6: They definitely require work.
P1: I think it requires work. P2: Both!
P3: I don't know anyone that doesn't work at their relationship.
Julian: Do you guys remember when for you two it started requiring work?
P4: When we moved it together. P3: Early on, things came up where we had
to work through family problems. P1: When you were going to move away.
Julian: Sorry, did I just bum you out for a second there? I mean it's still true but
let's take a step back. Most relationships begin in what our society has so fittingly
labeled the honeymoon phase. You don't have to put much into it, it's ignited with passion,
and then it ends! Suddenly those butterflies are an endangered species. It's not a very
romantic truism so it doesn't make the cut into fairytales and popular culture. Fortunately,
there's something you can do about it! Studies show one of the most effective ways to sustain
a relationship well passed the end of the honeymoon phase is to challenge each other
to take part in new, novel experiences. New activities force both partners out of their
comfort zone and jointly engage them into common goals. Now we wanted to see this for
ourselves, if this really breathes new life into a relationship. We took in couples that
were well passed their honeymoon phase and made them take part in an activity that was
completely unique. We and to divide something unlike any previous experience they'd had,
so we got weird. P5: One of you puts this blindfold on and
then proceeds to card two. You ready? P4: Yup! Lead your partner ahead to where
it says start. When you get there read card three.
P6: Alright! P7: From the starting line direct your partner
to the finish line without hitting any cones. When you're done, meet them there!
P4: Keep coming, keep coming, keep coming. P2: Turn to nin o'clock
P1: Should have given you the blindfold! P7: Stop!
P6: Nine o'clock. P4: Stop!
P6: Take two steps slowly, they can be good steps! You're doing good!
P2: Okay stop, side step, no just! P1: Did I hit something?
P2: I just want you to know that we were pretty close.
P7: Turn to your left. P6: Okay! You're good!
P7: Oh, I'm supposed to meet you there. P4: You found me!
P2: A little more, baby! P1: We did it!
P3: Build a house of cards like this one, when you're done follow the arrow on the floor.
P8: Okay. P1: Oh god, it's falling!
P2: Okay, okay, okay, stay calm.
P3: This is basic physics!
P2: So yay we did it! P8: Yay! Okay!
P2: Follow the arrow on the floor! P6: Solve this riddle.
P3: I have arms, but I am not a person. P8: I have arms, but I am not a person?
P5: What has arms? Monkeys? P2: It's an army.
P8: Couch. Both: Go to it!
P7: Chair? That's not a chair. P3: Or couch?
Julian: To get them fresh from the rush of the activity, the last level sent them into
a scenario that prompted them to open up about their attitude and outlook on the future in
a way that initially seemed to be a part of the experiment.
P8: As a team, both of you close your eyes and describe your future life five years from
now. Julian: So, did the mutual engagement activity
impact their attitude toward each other? As each couple spoke we observed their behavior,
each exhibited a dramatic increase in positive emotion, outlook, openness, and acceptance!
P1: Even when we're failing miserably we just try to figure things out and have a good time.
P8: It's a bonding experience though I think to just both go into something not knowing
what the heck you're getting yourself into. P3: When you have something to work together
toward, it brings you together. You literally should have saw us an hour ago.
P7: We were not happy with each other this morning.
P4: It feels good to know that even though it's confusing in life, but at least you know
I got your back! P8: I had to trust him completely.
P6: It freaked me out, but I wasn't worried because I knew as long as I just was clear
you would be fine. You did really good! P8: Thanks!
P5: We work well as a team! P4: Without you, I don't know! I would be
like, P5: Lost! I feel the same!
P1: Our relationship kind of kicks ass! Julian: Our emotions in the present paint
our outlook on the future. When couples fully engage towards common goals that attitude
spills over and invigorates the relationship! It's work you don't even realize is work!
Honeymoon phases are so easy because whether we realize it or not, we idealize our partner
to fill in the blanks of what we don't know yet. And the unknown is exciting. Once we
get to know each other for who we are with all our strengths and flaws intact, that's
where the real relationship begins! All that passion at honeymoon phase love is there to
motivate you to work towards the next more rewarding stage, compassionate love. So remember,
you only get what you put into it! So buckle up, because this part requires work!
I'm Julian, and this has been The Science of Love.
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