They were all so excited.
Piling out the car and putting all the stuff in the car.
It was so funny. It really, really was funny.
Simon would be saying, "I'm going to be driving with my knees
"up to my chin! I can't do it, mate! I can't do it!"
Christian was sat in the back on his seat with his little bag
shoved up against his chin, like this.
I said, "Oh, please don't crash!
"You have to be aware, we'd have to pull this bag out of your chin!",
I was saying. But it was really funny and they were all just
so excited to be going.
I was really pleased for them and I never, ever expected that to be
the last time I saw Christian alive.
And look what I've caused.
I took them all to Kendal Calling. Cos I was the oldest,
I kind of look back and...
..take myself accountable for what happened.
It took me weeks after Chris's death to be able to go around the house.
Erm...just to see her.
I've lost a friend. She's lost a son.
I didn't know what she was going to say to me
or, you know, how I was going to be when I was in the house.
She opened the door
and it was just...
..it was just a case of, like, the waterworks came on.
And I just completely broke down.
He was Christian's friend. He blamed himself
for what happened to Christian.
It's not his fault. He was the one that went and bought the drugs.
It could have been Christian bought them, it could have been anyone
in the group that bought them.
Simon just happened to be the one that bought them.
Whose fault is it?
I don't know.
I don't know. Who can we point the finger at?
Is it me, as a parent?
Did I not educate him enough?
Because, Christ, I have blamed myself enough.
I have.
Everyone in Millom
are still reeling from what had happened.
It's not just me, personally,
or Chris or Chris's mum, Chris's family.
It's everyone that was involved.
And it is like a ripple.
Like, once you have made that little ripple and it goes on and on and on.
The funeral day...
It wasn't a funeral day.
I was determined it wasn't going to be a funeral day.
It was Christian's celebration of life day.
She didn't want anyone to be wearing black.
Didn't want everyone to be in suits and whatnot.
Christian's friends, she wanted all them to arrive
as they would be when we was out on the town with Christian.
You know, jeans, T-shirts, bright colours.
It was a gorgeous day. The sun was absolutely splitting the trees.
Kids started coming up on their BMXs and their skateboards
and they looked brilliant.
Even the jeans were pressed on some of them!
Pretty much the whole community, the Millom community, got together
and, basically, were all there on this one little street.
The slow carriage walk to the church was just...
It felt like it was going on for a year, because I was just
looking around at everyone and everyone's emotions
walking with Chris. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
Jordan came, sat with me.
I think with Jordan, all the time, it's been guilt.
It was guilt all the time.
And I looked at him and said, "You don't have to sit with me.
"Sit with your mates."
"I want to sit with you, Deb," he said.
I said, "That's fine, then. Absolutely fine by me."
A close friend of mine had never passed away before
and I think the funeral was when it really hits home.
The vicar was there and he said...
.."you can cry, you know."
And I said...
.."no."
And he looked at me and I said,
"Not today."
And he said, "Why?"
And I said, "Cos today is for these kids."
I said, "They have laid their best friend to rest."
I said, "I'll cry tomorrow."
That day wasn't for me.
It was for them beautiful children
that were lifelong friends to my son.
Yeah, that's what that was for.
It was about two or three months
after the event had happened.
I was just making my way into work
and I heard a shout from over the road.
It was the CID.
They had officers pinpointed all around,
just in case I tried to make a run for it or something like that.
I was placed under arrest
for conspiracy with intent to supply a Class A drug.
"My life could be changing here.
"Worst-case scenario, I could be going away for several years."