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- [Instructor] Hey, Psych2Gos.
Welcome back to our channel.
We wanted to take a moment and be sure
that you all know how grateful we are
for all of your support.
That support is what helps us make psychology
and mental health more accessible to everyone.
And that's a big deal.
So, thank you.
And also give yourselves a pat on the back.
Now, let's get into it.
According to the American psychological association,
insecurity is defined as a feeling of inadequacy.
Lack of self-confidence, an inability to cope,
accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety
about one's goals, abilities or relationships with others.
Most of us are acutely aware of our insecurities
but we don't like to talk about them.
According to researchers at Cornell University,
one reason we don't like to share our insecurities
is that it forces us to confront them
and makes it possible for others to remind us of them.
Our insecurities can then manifest
through subtle signs in our behavior.
So, here are six signs someone might be secretly insecure.
One, they're a people pleaser.
Do you know someone who feels emotionally obligated to help
or please others at the expense of their own needs?
Insecurity leads itself to people pleasing
because they doubt their self-worth
and seek external validation from others.
But people pleasing can come with a double-edged sword
and heighten a person's insecurity
is when they face rejection
from those that they wanted validation from.
Two, they turn everything into a competition.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone
where no matter what you say, they have to one up you
with a better story or accomplishment?
This behavior is called narcissistic listening
and it can be a sign of insecurity.
A narcissistic listener
is someone who doesn't actively listen.
They don't ask questions about your stories,
acknowledge your points or give you the opportunity
to finish what you have to say.
They may feel that your success is a threat
to others perceptions of them
and react by trying to keep the conversation
focused on their own accomplishments.
Number three, they get defensive.
Does this person struggle to accept constructive criticism?
Do they become defensive when critiqued about their work?
People who are insecure most likely struggle with rejection
because it takes a hit at their already low self-esteem.
Studies have linked anxious attachment
which is the desire for acceptance
and approval from others and feelings of insecurity
with higher sensitivity to rejection.
While defensiveness can be passed off as arrogance
it could really be a sign of insecurity.
Number four, they degrade themselves in front of others.
Do you know someone who has a habit
of putting themselves down in front of others?
Although it's easy to label this kind of behavior
as attention seeking, they're probably more likely motivated
by a need for external validation and approval from others.
This is because if they put themselves down
before someone else in the group
has the opportunity to do so,
they have more control over what is said about them.
When you deny their self-depreciating claims
then, they have the external validation that they need
to help combat the negative thoughts
swirling around in their head.
Number five, they put other people down.
Some secretly insecure people put others down
to feel better about themselves.
They might do this publicly or behind someone's back
or interject passive aggressive statements about someone
while you're talking with them.
This might take the form of aggressive listening
which is when someone only listens to you
to attack you or your points.
For example, someone who is insecure about their weight
may listen to you excitedly
tell them about the cute dress you bought
at your favorite store.
And then tell you that you shouldn't waste your money
on something that's unflattering on you
because you don't have the right body type for it.
Number six, they exaggerate events
and their accomplishments.
According to a study from the psychology department
at UC Davis, people who brag about accomplishment
maybe showing signs of insecurity,
especially if they put others down in the process.
They may exaggerate their past, their qualifications
because they think the truth is inadequate.
Stretching the truth can actually help
make an insecure person feel calmer
because they have feelings of self hatred
or a low self esteem
and lying creates a persona that they feel more secure in.
Before we wrap up this video, we wanted to remind everyone
that just because we internalize our insecurities
and might not show any of these signs,
it doesn't mean our experience isn't valid
and that our feelings aren't important.
But, recognizing that someone is showing signs
from this list,
and maybe acting out of their insecurities
rather than their personality is important
because it helps build empathy for others.
It's also important to remember
that while insecurities may motivate people's behaviors
on this list,
they are still toxic traits that have real consequences
and a person's insecurities shouldn't excuse their behavior.
Have you ever seen any of these signs
of insecurity in yourself or others?
Can you think of any other signs?
Let us know in the comments below.
Please like and share this video if it helped you
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used are listed
in the description below.
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Thanks so much for watching and we'll see you soon.