- You gotta get your motherfucking hustle.
Understand niggas is gon' hate you regardless.
Get that outta your head,
that fantasy world where niggas ain't hating on you,
you gotta be grateful.
You need haters.
What the fuck is you complaining about?
What the fuck do you think a hater's job is?
To fucking hate.
So let them motherfuckers do they goddamn job.
What the fuck is you complaining about?
Ladies if you got 14 women hating on you
you need to figure out how the fuck to get to 16
before the summer get here.
What the fuck is you mad about?
Fellas, if you got 20 haters,
you need 40 of them motherfuckers,
what is you complaining about?
If there's any haters in here right now that
don't have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me.
Sit back there and say my hair ain't luxurious
when you know it is bitch.
Dipset, Dipset.
I'm enjoying my motherfucking life.
That's all I'm saying.
I advise you to do the same.
Do shit that make you happy.
Go out and get you some white friends.
Get you some white motherfucking friends.
You ain't gotta sleep with 'em but you going need them
motherfuckers.
If you go to jail and call you nigga friends,
these motherfuckers will interrogate you more
than the goddamn police did.
They'll have you ass on the phone,
where the fuck was you at?
What the fuck was you doing?
Why the fuck you ain't call me?
Not your white friends, them motherfuckers will be there
by the time you hang up the phone and they'll be madder
than you.
Just what the did he do?
Murder, murdered who?
Look, I've fucking known him for two weeks,
he wouldn't fucking do something like that.
Gotta love white people.
I don't give what you say, white people are friendly.
You can call them motherfuckers up at three o'clock in
the morning with the wrong number and they won't even be
mad at you.
They just, “hello?”
“No, I'm sorry, no Shaquita here.”
“Well what number did you dial?”
“No, it's a nine, not a seven.”
“We'll try it, if it doesn't work, call me back,
we'll figure this thing out.”
Let me say this, y'all need some nigga friends.
Get you some nigga friends, just don't ever, ever call
'em your niggas friends.
Don't ever, that'll fuck the relationship up.
There's my nigga friend.
You guys say it all the time. What?
White people, you need your nigga friends
so they can tell you when shit is not appropriate.
First of all, white people, please stop putting them
little blue leashes on your children.
Please stop doing that.
That is only entertainment for niggas, that's all that is.
We be excited then a motherfuck- look at 'em look.
That's why white kids grow up and kill everybody
in the goddamn school 'cause you treated them like a
German Shepherd ever since they was three.
They be in the store like oh I want th-
- And niggas gorilla they way in a place man,
we saw about eight dead white people when we was coming in,
still had tickets in they hands.
Niggas will just run over 'em getting in here.
Move out the way motherfucker, shit.
We ain't seen the niggas in three years.
What the fuck he talking 'bout?
White just, sure, go 'head, sure cut in, sure it's okay.
Well what do you want, trouble?
There's a whole bunch of 'em.
They could be cousins or anything.
Some white dudes you cut in front of don't play that
shit though, right? You cut in front of them,
"All right, cut the shit."
Just cut the fucking crap, hold on.
I love it when white dudes get mad and cuss.
Cause y'all some funny motherfuckers when you cuss.
Right, they be saying shit like, "Yeah, come on,
packer head."
"Come on ya' fucking jerk off, come on."
"Son of a bitch, come on."
"Yeah, you fucking aye right buddy."
Niggas be talking 'bout buddy this.
Yeah, you wanted to buddy something buddy up on this here.
Black man will grab them dicks now.
I don't care, niggas be walking down the street,
they gon' hold their dick now.
What's happening brother?
Ain't nothing, shit.
You know how it is, I'm just hanging on.
Right, even Andrew Young, he grab his dick.
Right, he be talking to the president of the United States.
Right? Andrew Young.
“Mr. President.
No, we got to talk some serious shit.
Excuse me, Mrs. Carter.”
“Oh, that's all right.
Bigger than a peanut.”
- Every now and then I take the joke too far and get
in trouble, that's why I haven't been on the road in the
last three years, cause I did a lot of-
Did y'all see Delirious?
In Delirious I was making fun of a lot of entertainers too.
That's when I got scary, cause I did some jokes about
Mr. T and Mr. T was gonna fuck Ed up.
He was, I was scared cause y'all see Mr. T,
he don't look like, you know, like he can't fight.
He looks like he can whip some ass right?
And I was petrified.
I was walking parties and people said,
"Yo man, Mr. T was just here looking for you."
He was walking up and people saying,
"Imma whip Eddy Murphy's ass when I see him"
Then I watched his show, cause I didn't know him,
I watched the show to see what kind of guy he was
and the character on the show ain't too bright,
so I figured if he came up to me I could use the
Jedi mind trick on him.
Mr. T walk up and go,
"I heard he did some jokes about me."
No you didn't.
"Maybe I didn't."
I'm gonna go beat up the fool that told me them lies.
I was scared, I'd be at parties hear he was looking for me
I would just leave, cause I don't wanna fight Mr. T.
Then I find out Michael Jackson was looking for me
and I was like, yo, when Mike, I found,
my manager called me up and said,
"Yo man, Michael Jackson is mad."
I was like, so.
You know cause I'll fuck Mike up.
You know Mike, Mike don't weigh but a buck-o-five, you know?
I bust that ass on Mike.
I was looking for my, but my manager said, you know,
we don't know everything about Michael Jackson.
He might be this bad motherfucker behind closed doors.
He's a recluse, you know, behind closed doors
he might be completely different
and I'd be at a party and have Michael walk up to me one day
and be like this.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, uh, what's your motherfucking problem, man?
How come you keep fucking with me then? Huh?
What's all the motherfucking jokes?
You don't like my clothes?
What's your problem motherfucking problem?
You know I'm Michael motherfucking Jackson and I will
bust your ass.”
I'll moonwalk all up and down your ass motherfucker.
You mind your motherfucking business.
I hear some more shit I'm gonna put this glove up your ass.
I'll see you later.
That's a dumb, I can never, I've been trying
for five months to do the moonwalk and I can't do the shit.
The shit is the dumbest dance ever, cause I can't do it,
that's why I'm saying it's stupid.
But, how can you do the moonwalk and ask a woman
to dance and shit.
Be at the party, say, "Hey baby, come on, let's dance,
see you later."
Do the moonwalk, that's some stupid shit.
Michael can do that shit though.
Michael's so famous, Michael went on television and,
and everything he says the public believes,
went on television and said,
"I don't have sex cause my religious beliefs",
and the public believed it.
I know brothers were like get the fuck outta here.
And white people going that Michael's a special kind of guy.
He's special.
I mean he good, clean, and wholesome.
Y'all believe him, you know how I knew y'all believed it?
Y'all didn't get mad when he took Brooke Shields
to Grammy's.
Nobody white said shit.
And Brooke Shields is the whitest woman in America.
That's Miss America every year.
Fuck who you see with the crown.
You look up white woman in the dictionary,
it'll be a picture of Brooke like this.
She's white.
And this nigga took her to Grammy's nobody said shit.
If I took Brooke Shields to Grammy's, y'all lose your mind.
Cause y'all know Brooke would get fucked that night.
And Brooke knew too.
- I was watching Fox News, the shit was hilarious.
I was watching Fox News.
That's my show now.
I watch Fox News be laughing up a storm.
Cause they be having some dumb ass people on there.
One lady got on there.
"Yeah. I got a question for the president of
the United States."
"What are you gonna do about the oil leak
in the Gulf of Mexico President Obama?"
You know, and Obama be all proper
and all nice like a diplomatic version of y'all.
"Well we're trying several solutions or talking
to BP and we're working out some way to close the hole.
We're gonna get it closed.
It's gonna take us a time, but we're gonna get it closed."
I wish he would just...
let that inner nigga the out one goddamn time.
Excuse me, white folks. I ain't mean to put y'all in that.
For real, he just need to let that shit out
one goddamn time.
Just let it flow.
You know that same question.
Rewind.
"Yeah, I got a question for the president.
What are you gonna do about the oil leak in the
Gulf of Mexico President Obama?"
Well bitch... What I'm gonna do bitch?
What I'm gonna do bitch?
I'm gonna put on my super nigga cape, huh?
I'm gonna put on my super nigga boots
and then I'm gonna fly all the way
down to the Gulf of Mexico on my super nigga powers bitch.
Yeah, cause you think I got super nigga powers,
that's what you think, bitch, and then I'm gonna go
down to the bottom of the ocean where no nigga
or no man have ever been before bitch.
I'm gonna get down there I'm gonna close that hole bitch.
I'mma close it.
Then I'm gonna straight back out
and I'm gonna shit out some jobs.
Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
Anymore goddamn questions?
- We got all these different colors.
We got black, white, we got Spanish, we got Asian.
We got all these people here.
And how you gonna have racism in a country that don't
belong to nobody?
Except the Indians.
How are you gonna have racism?
And nobody belong here.
You got people go, go home.
You go home too.
You ain't from here, go on.
You must have forgot.
Oh yeah.
I never understood the discovery of America.
How you discover something where a bunch of people
are already there?
That's like somebody come to my car,
I discovered your stereo.
You wasn't here, I didn't think you knew about it.
I think if the Indians could do it all over again
with what they know now, if they could turn back the hands
of time, I think they be standing on the edge,
here come the boat,
"Don't let them get off the boat.
Give them some corn and some flour.
Happy Thanksgiving.
See you next year."
Even the deer, "Man, we used to go run around.
Now they shooting at us.
I ain't know what that was the first time I saw,
I was like, what's that?
Okay.”
See, I've never understand, we have any hunters here?
Anybody hunt?
Now I don't understand the mentality of a hunter.
What do you hunt?
Elk, a dangerous animal.
Lord knows we need to kill them animals they out there
trying to get us.
If you gonna hunt
you ought hunt something that can kick your butt.
I'm talking about like a bear with a bow arrow.
Make it a game.
If you miss, we ain't gonna see you again.
That's the way I think you should hunt.
Make it a big sport.
Little old rabbit running 'round, shh.
The rabbits like.
And the hunter, "I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him."
And the deer, man, the deer be like this,
"Oh Lord, I'm trying to drink some water, they coming up."
A bear be like this, "Go ahead, shoot."
"My turn."
"Go ahead, start running, go ahead."
Break out a beer or two.
"Go on."
Now we spend a lot of time in America trying to be
something that we're not.
We don't even know where we are sometime in America.
Now let's say let's let's take for example Tiger Woods.
No, I'm with Tiger Woods.
His mother is Asian and his dad is black,
black people got mad at him for claiming his mother.
He was sitting there on Oprah with his mama.
I'm Asian and black.
No you ain't. No you ain't. You black.
You black. Be black please.
Please be black.
He dark, that's all we need. He's dark.
A dark man won the golf, that's good enough for me.
Close enough.
I'm okay with it.
If you'd have been a dark white person,
I would've claimed him.
Get on.
Know what I like about Tiger Woods, Tiger,
Tiger, he don't just play golf.
Tiger like the Michael Jordan of golf.
Tiger is the Michael Jordan of golf.
Did you watch, did you watch the masters?
They're going to change the course.
They had a meeting, "Man, they just...
Look at him, he out there hitting the ball
all over the water.
We gon’ have to change this course.
He's only 12 years old."
As long as he played golf, he gonna see me from the shore
I'm number two.
Cause he ain't going lose to nobody.
He beat people so bad.
Did you see the interviews?
How good is Tiger?
Right? He, he.... No, he's...
The way his waist is built, the reason he can play golf
is because he has small hips.
His hips swivel.
Who would've thought a black would change the face of golf?
Now Nike gonna make money.
When Michael retired, they got a new Michael.
I see young black kids, white kids running around
with golf clothes, you ain't never seen that.
I'm like this is sad.
Little black children in the hood with cleats.
Click clack, click clack, click clack, click clack,
click clack.
- White people have fun, no, we be thinking white people
can't dance.
White people be too fucked up to dance.
That's how niggas used to do.
Member we used to go to the club and have fun and shit?
Niggas used to go have fun, we can't have fun now,
niggas just in the club watching other niggas and shit,
just waiting on some shit to pop off.
Get real high and go to the club next time
cause that fuck it in your system a help you out
just in the club and make up your own motherfucking dance,
see how much fun your have goddamn ass have
while a motherfucker is watching you.
Yeah, like when that song come on, just walk in the club
get real high and walk in and make up your own dance.
♪It's your boy Lil' Jon right ♪
♪ BME Click ♪
♪ My nigga Katt Williams in this bitch ♪
♪ Okay ♪
♪ Ladies, yeah you ♪
♪ If you got on them brand new Juicy Coutures ♪
♪ And you looking good, let's go ♪
♪ I ain't never seen a booty so phat ♪
♪ Til she bent that thing over like that ♪
♪ It's something hanging out the back of your pants ♪
♪ I couldn't hold it if I had four hands ♪
♪ Phat booty, I ain't never seen a booty so phat ♪
♪ Til she bent that thing over like that ♪
♪ Something hanging out the back of your pants ♪
♪ I couldn't hold it if I had four hands ♪
I'm just saying have some fun in your life.
Life is short.
- Can I do it one time for the folk?
- One time for the folks.
- Can I get a yeah?
Can I get a yeah?
Can I get a what?
Well let me get a okay.
ATL hoe.