[ MUSIC PLAYING ]
It feels like somebody's, like, squeezing your heart.
That's how I felt. Very gut-wrenching.
Just be prepared for lots-- lots of emotions.
The idea of shooting this film
came about in the beginning of 2018.
We were all just kinda taking a leap of faith.
We were all pretty, um, what's the word?
skeptical I think is the word.
I just didn't ever think it was going to happen.
I was like, "Oh, yeah, they're going to film me.
But, eh, they're not going to make a movie, you know?
They're just gonna film a bunch of ( bleep )
and they're never going to actually make a doc.
Never going to actually, like, put it out there in the world.
We're never going to see it." But they did.
And they made a good one.
Really ( bleep ) emotional.
Oh, my God. Let me start over.
When we first watched it,
we were in my living room.
I knew there was some stuff in there
that I was going to be mortified by.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
( bleep ) happened, so...
But I cried out of joy for a lot of it
because I guess I didn't really put together the fact
that it's gonna be about my life
and how many things I didn't know
anyone was paying attention to.
I never would have thought that anyone
would be able to capture exactly what was going on
in such a beautiful, like, intimate way.
When we were halfway done with the movie,
we just paused it and we called my mom and dad at home
and we sat there, like, all of us, we were just like,
"We love you. You're such good parents."
It was-- I mean, I know they're amazing parents,
it was just so beautiful to see it.
I didn't get to really appreciate how amazing they are
and always have been, so I think that's--
that's the perspective that changed a little for me.
We see things for how we see them,
and Finneas, as my brother, was talking about how
it was really interesting for him to watch the movie
because he was seeing me in a different perspective
than he's even seen before. Oh, my God. Shut up.
He was telling me that there was just certain things that are in the doc
that he was like, "That's not ever something
I've ever thought about, you know, with you, but it's you."
Um, you know, they were filming for so long,
that we got so used to the cameras
that I don't remember when a camera was or wasn't there.
I don't, like, close up in front of, like, a camera,
which is, like, a blessing and a curse, I think.
There's certain things in the doc that I never planned on sharing with the world.
There's a lot of stuff that was very traumatic for me
that is in the doc that I had to relive watching,
and it's kind of horrible to think about
millions of people having access to it.
But, it's good.
♪ I don't need a... ♪
I think it's cool for people to see another side
that they didn't know was-- was there the entire time.
So I have to just hide that, not just like-- I don't know.
I don't know. I'm nervous. I'm very nervous.
Scared? I'm very scared.
- Man: You should be excited. - Oh, God.
I'm very excited for the fans to see this doc.
I've been, like, jumping up and down about it.
I'm interested to see how people react to certain things in this movie
that nobody knew were going on. You know, barely my family even knew.
And know that the fans, you guys,
you're the only reason I'm, like, still right here,
so thank you and I love you
and I'm so excited for this journey.
And I'm excited to be with you through it all.
Gotta watch this movie on a big screen
and turn all the lights off,
get some blankets, light a candle.
You gotta have somebody with you to, like, squeeze
'cause so many-- so many moments, like--
yeah, get somebody to squeeze, get someone to cuddle, like,
fuzzy blankets, probably wear pajamas. That's what we did.
Candle, lights off, big TV.