welcome back this is module three and so far you've had two modules and you
should have had a full-on transformation you should be a completely different
person now than when we started is everybody on board with everybody
there yeah you should be noticing things that are different some more so than
others some people meant more so than other than others what what are you
noticing in communication when you're communicating when you're listening to
other people communicating or the nonverbal communication are you noticing
anything different okay yeah sure sure so they'll be sort of an observed by
myself acting more as an observer and you know realizing certain language
habits are going on okay any deeper insight into the communication like what
the communication means what are they what is coming across that maybe would
have been unconscious for you before but now you're picking up have you noticed
anything like that oh sure yeah just picking up in emotional states and also
people associating something like it's getting too hot to handle okay anybody
else had experiences like this yeah sure right when people use metaphors like
they'll say oh I can do this on one hand or on the other hand they're I mean
they're it's not just a metaphor they're actually spatially placing things in
different locations so they laughter right and they actually see them like an
object or something like that in those spaces so yeah or when I was talking my
doctor and he was like I had plot PI plus Tron he was talking about it he's
like yeah you know sometimes you can just hear this voice that I'm going at
you and it was yeah and he was you know doing that on the side and it was
probably like he was hearing his parents voice nagging at him to do something
when begins a childhood yeah so things like that people do that a lot when they
talk about their parents now say well my dad says and it'll turn like this and do
that and then my mom says and they'll do like this and have a lighter voice and
they will do this like back and forth conversation you'll see that a lot we're
gonna focus on him to the first though the last module we focused on a lot of
information gathering a lot of getting very detailed very particular and a lot
of ways that that's pacing when you're asking people questions or asking
yourself questions you are pacing either that person or yourself by asking for
more information they're having to dig deeper it also makes the person feel
like they're in rapport with you a lot of times unless you're asking questions
or if you're coming from a place of being like it like you're interrogating
them then they might not like that and you'll break rapport or if you're asking
them questions about something they're very uncomfortable with and of course
you'll break rapport but a lot of times people do want to talk about themselves
and they do want to talk more about or get more detailed and they like
answering questions and about maybe assumptions that they make and then
you're asking them a little bit more information about what that assumption
is based on so now they get to tell you why they think the way that they think
that a lot of people really enjoy doing that again if it's a really sensitive
topic and I don't know you very well they may push back a little bit and
resist if you see that happening what be attentive to when that is happening
over when you notice it then you step back and maybe pace a little bit more
and you know don't push so much step back and listen to them a little bit
gain that rapport again and then go forward what we're going to learn now is
how to not even learn how to gather a lot of information this weekend it's
going to be more about how did you then communicate in such a way that you can
lead people where you want them to go you can be more persuasive so everything
that you learned last week I want to say everything a lot of what you learned
last week we're going to go to the opposite direction we're going to
intentionally get fake and what we said what we call artfully vague and that's
where the Milton model comes in what we were also going to talk about is
congruence and in congruence and noticing that and other people noticing
that in yourself and also the power of nonverbal communication and when you're
in congruent if you were watching me give this talk and my body gestures or
my hand gestures were very asymmetrical consciously you might not recognize that
consciously you might not notice it but unconsciously here you're probably
thinking that there's something not right he doesn't really believe what
he's talking about and you're in the presence of people sometimes when
they're talking about something and there's you just get a sense they're not
they don't believe what they're saying or they're not if they're just not being
real they're posing or they're presenting something maybe they want it
to be this way and it's not really how they actually feel have you ever tapped
into why why you might be feeling that I mean sometimes it's obvious you can just
say okay that person's full of shit they're lying that's you know it's
unbelievable what they're saying but sometimes you just get that feeling
right body language body language exactly and that is very important and
that's your unconscious that's the wisdom of your unconscious saying okay
something isn't adding up here I'm not quite sure what it is and a lot of times
we just assign it to an intuition seven intuition you know I don't I don't
trust this person a lot of times what that is is in congruence a lot of times
what that is is their nonverbal communication is not syncing or aligning
with their verbal communication verbal communication is very conscious I'm
thinking about the words I'm going to say and I'm saying them the nonverbal is
more your hand gestures your body posture and how well that aligns with
what you're saying so if I'm really congruent and my words and my body
posture and gestures are lining up that becomes a very powerful way to way to
communicate and if you think of it all the great speakers of our time and the
great leaders of our time who are very good or Raiders they do exactly that and
you and I recommend watching people like Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela
John F Kennedy when they're talking their gestures their nonverbal
communication lines up with their words so well and that's what makes them so
powerful and you're going to learn that this weekend you have to learn to be
conscious of that you're gonna learn to be able to wear that and in order to do
that we're going to intentionally be in congruent we're gonna do exercises where
were you going to say one thing but we're gonna demonstrate body postures
that do the opposite it's gonna feel really strange it's gonna be really
weird for a while but it will bring your attention to when you're doing that and
when other people are doing that so instead of just saying to yourself I
don't trust that person there's something about them that makes me
uneasy it's just an instinct you're gonna know exactly why you're having
that feeling you're gonna look at that person you gonna say okay I'm gay the
body posture is not matching up with the words something not right about that
person you're also going to realize that in yourself and it doesn't mean that
you're being to see for that you're lying we're conditioned a certain way
we've got programming and patterns that we you know
conditioned into us since we were children and sometimes we're following
that pattern but deep down inside we're not really that's not what we were
feeling inside and so your unconscious has to reconcile that somehow which our
conscious mind and that will come out in various ways of one of the ways that it
does is it it's an obvious in congruence in your body posture and then with what
you're saying so we're gonna learn the Milton model and we're also going to
learn about in congruence we're also going about learn about integrating
conflicts and you were saying like on the one hand as in the one hand that now
sometimes people are just talking about distinctions and who they are
distinctions in a situation but sometimes you're gonna see people talk
about it on the one hand this and the one hand that on the one hand I want to
do this but on the other hand I want to do that and they're gonna feel like
they're in conflict like they're being pulled between two sides and you can
sometimes see that tension and somebody's body that you can tell you
get there there they have that feeling of being pulled and then you can listen
to their words you might hear words like that like being pulled and strained and
pulled apart or two different directions the words who will fit with what they're
feeling in that sense but a lot of times what they're trying to explain is more
about what they would prefer what they think they should feel I guess we're
gonna get started with those two we'll see how that goes
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