-Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You made it.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Well, guys, today some historic news --
President Biden announced that Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson
is his nominee for the Supreme Court.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Yeah, Judge Jackson actually has supporters in both parties.
[ Cheering and applause ] Yeah, the announcement was good.
It was good for Biden's approval ratings,
so he's going to nominate her again on Monday.
[ Laughter and applause ] -Oh.
-During his speech, Biden said,
"For too long...our courts, haven't looked like America,"
which means his next nominee will be a guy in a trucker hat
chugging a Hard Mountain Dew.
[ Laughter and applause ]
But this is interesting -- Judge Jackson actually clerked
for Justice Breyer,
whose seat she's nominated to fill.
[ Audience ohs ]
Biden was like, "I can relate.
I interned for FDR."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Meanwhile, all eyes are still on the Ukraine.
Today Pope Francis went in person
to the Russian Embassy in Rome to criticize the invasion.
You could tell the pope was mad because there was
white smoke billowing from his ears.
[ Laughter ]
Well, listen to this -- I heard that Russian oligarchs
are trying to get around sanctions
by purchasing cryptocurrency.
That's right, the oligarchs
are trying to hide their money in crypto
while the rest are frantically calling Jason Bateman
and asking how to launder it.
[ Laughter ]
Well, this is going viral -- on an episode
of "The Price is Right,"
someone noticed that a contestant
had a little trouble leaving the stage.
Follow the woman in the red shirt.
-80 and there's the 20.
[ Beeping ] Aw. Nice meeting ya, Kari.
-Thank you. -Good luck to you.
[ Buzzer ] Darren, come on over here.
-Go to your right! -It's Mr. Plinko himself.
What's going on? Won $3,000 on Plinko.
Give it a spin. Good luck to you.
Need a dollar.
[ Laughter ] [ Beep ]
[ Beeping ]
You want to say hi?
-Yes, I can say hi to Melissa Camino
and Eric in Hawaii, yeah!
My family, my mom, my daughter Kiley.
-95, which, normally, a winner,
but you need a nickel right now
[ Beeping ] to tie it up.
-Unbelievable. My gosh.
[ Laughter, cheering, and applause ]
A second later, the announcer was like --
[ Changes accent ] Kari Johnson, come off the stage, dammit!
[ Laughter ] [ Rimshot ]
Eventually, she just gave up
and she started modeling the new cars.
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
Some more TV news -- last night,
"Law & Order" returned to NBC after 12 years.
[ Cheering and applause ] Great.
And you could tell they're trying to update it
for a younger audience. Check this out.
-In the criminal justice system,
sus people are low-key represented
[ Laughter ] by two separate, yet equally cheugy groups
that just hit different --
[ Laughter ] the feds, who flex on bad vibes in 4K;
and the Gucci fam, who claps back, no cap.
These are their Instagram Stories.
[ Laughter ] Cheese!
[ Double tone ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Cheugy. -Wow!
They're really pushing it.
Yeah. -Yeah.
-What the...? Oh, my God.
-In other news, this spring break,
Miami Beach has decided to prohibit the sale
and consumption of alcohol past 2:00 am.
[ Audience ohs ] And this is a big deal for Miami.
I mean, this is --
[ Laughter ] for --
[ Applause ]
For most people, it's --
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, that's a party destination.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. Oh, can I help you?
No? Okay. Can we help you?
-No. -No, you're fine. Okay, sure.
Oh! [ Laughter ]
Okay.
Let's get back to the monologue here.
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
No, sorry, that is not --
No, down there is not a stairs, no, not at all.
Thank you. You can go.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
She'll find her way.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ] Some business news --
I saw that --
[ Laughter ]
That way. You can just go out that way, please.
No. No, why would you go that way?
That way. That way.
Yeah, point there. Yeah. Thank you.
Good luck. There she is, everybody, finally.
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
The handle, the door handle, the door handle.
Push! Push, push, push! -She's pulling.
-Push! Push! -Pulling.
Push, push the door.
Someone help her. Someone push her out of here, please.
Please get this woman out of the building, somehow.
Please get -- Oh my. Yes, thank you. She's there.
[ Cheering and applause ] Oh, God!
Wow! Holy mackerel.
What?
-That's so cheugy. -My God! Oh.
[ Laughter ] Some business news --
I saw that Honda is investigating claims
of unexpected braking in nearly two million of its vehicles.
When they heard, Kia was like,
"And that's why our cars don't have brakes."
[ Laughter ]
Basically, every Honda looks like a kid
taking a driver's test.
[ Laughter ]
Is she still -- Is she okay?
Does she -- -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, she's not left the hallway.
She's just there. Oh, my.
And, finally, authorities in Pennsylvania
arrested a man for drunk driving,
but it's not your typical case. Watch this.
-Police say an Amish man faces drunk driving charges
after reportedly operating a horse and buggy
in a reckless manner.
Police say they started following the horse and buggy
and saw it go around a turn
and speed up as Byler locked the brakes
and slid the wheels, which caused sparks.
[ Laughter ]
The police tracked him down after a thrilling
two-mile-an-hour chase. [ Laughter ]
It's tough because he wasn't the one drinking.
It was the horse.
[ Applause ] We have a great show.