today we are talking about one of my favorite topics and that is dads in the delivery room.
So, on this channel you will find lots of tips for dads partners how they can be best in their role
in labor and birth. Today we're turning that idea a little bit upside down
and we're gonna go with what are five things not to do when you are supporting your partner
in labor. .
So, if we haven't met in real life my name is Alice Turner. I am a doula,
a Lamaze childbirth educator and on my channel you'll find videos about birth and if that's
your thing then you're in the right place. Hit the subscribe button and you'll be notified when
the next video comes out. today is all about five things for dads not to do during labor and birth
the first one is gonna seem really easy but it's so important and i've seen so many dads
do it so the first thing not to do is to forget to eat and drink themselves okay dads you've got to
keep yourself hydrated and nourished and it's just as important as making sure your partner
is hydrated and nourished labor is long the average first time labor is like 18 hours give
or take a few hours that is a long time and if you are not taking care of yourself during that time
you are going to have a giant crash and the crash is usually going to happen right after the baby is
born because if we don't have hydration and food it can keep us sustained for a while but then
with the adrenaline that peaks right after the baby is born we're gonna crash and dads you're
really going to be needed after that baby's born we need someone who is going to step up and take
care of baby duty diapers soothing holding all of those tasks are going to need to be done after the
baby arrives so along the way along the labor as you are giving sips of water to your partner
as they're in labor make sure you give tips of water to yourself have your own water bottle
and make sure that you're drinking it along the way have snacks pack a ton of snacks for labor
and birth and be ready to eat them do not hesitate to eat them and make sure that you're
taking care of yourself so number one thing dads not to do in labor and birth and that is forget
to eat and drink number two of what dad should not do during labor and birth and that is to wait
for your partner to tell you what to do so i imagine in childbirth class you have
learned strategies and if you haven't taken a childbirth class i'm going to put links down
below to two great classes one birth a to z which is a free class all about different
topics on labor the other one is the supporting her online class that is specifically for dads
so check that out below there's also a coupon code okay so you have learn or you will learn
things in childbirth class on what to do things to say different physical comfort techniques
do not wait for your partner who's in labor to tell you when to do these things just try them out
so do not wait for her to say hey can you put some pressure on my back hey can you give me a
shoulder massage hey can you help me out with my breathing don't wait your partner in labor
will be busy laboring and doesn't have the right mindset to think hmm i wonder if someone can help
me out here what should they do to help me out now certainly there could be times that they're
like help me give me this or what do i do next but don't wait for that be proactive and even if you
don't know exactly what to do that's okay because there's probably a lot of options of things to do
and the best thing that you can do is just try something out so don't delay
don't hesitate your partner will let you know if what you suggest is not working or doesn't help
but the worst thing to do is to wait for them to tell you what to do so that's why it's number
two of things not to do in the delivery room okay we're on number three of the five things that dad
should not do in the delivery room and that is spend unnecessary time on your phone while she
is awake and in her presence so meaning really limit phone time phone time shows or actually
makes her feel usually that you are not connected and not checked in dads you have to be present
during labor and birth you can't go through the pain you can't take any of the pain away but you
can really help out if you are present if you are engaged and being on your phone for unnecessary
time that is really a no-no don't do it keep it in your pocket keep it plugged into the wall unless
you need to do really necessary things like maybe communicating with someone outside the hospital
checking in on something that's important a pet a child something like that family members you can
also always do that in the bathroom as well bring your phone to the bathroom and do any of that
unnecessary things that you need to do on your phone but don't do it in front of your partner in
labor it is not no just don't i can't even explain it anymore it's the one thing that i've seen
fights and disagreements and labor is the phone so you're not gonna do it okay
okay we're on number four of the five things dad shouldn't do in the delivery room and this one is
to yell during pushing so you might think why would i yell well it gets exciting and sometimes
we have our care providers our doctors our nurses our midwives that are giving encouragement things
like that's right push right there keep going good job or maybe even counting like a one two three
that can become very intense quickly and i have seen dads where their voices will kind
of start off here and then the next push kind of goes to here and then
after about an hour of pushing they're at yelling level it's almost like a sporting event go
stronger harder longer and it's because you're excited which i totally get but
keep that in mind when you are supporting your partner pushing keep your tone low low encouraging
she's going to listen to you if you're like good job you know you're right at her ear you did great
give a sip of water put a washcloth on her head a wet washcloth um more information on washcloths
below that's a key comfort measure during pushing so check that out if you haven't seen that one yet
you don't want to yell yelling is so much over stimulus during such a hard time we really want
her to focus her efforts and we don't want her to get distracted by a lot of people yelling at her
so keep those voices low no yelling during pushing number five last but not least and that is don't
focus on the clock okay now i know in labor as a dad you might be a tasked with timing contractions
cool that's great probably have an app on your phone you can do that timing contractions is a
necessary thing to know where you are whether you should go to hospital um good thing to do at home
once you're in the hospital i really recommend that you try to take any references to time out of
your vocabulary and the references i'm talking about are things like you've been in labor for
x number of hours you know hey honey it's 3 p.m now did you know you've been in labor for 12 hours
those those type just it doesn't help it's really not helpful and imagine if you were on a really
strenuous bike ride or run and you don't know when you're gonna stop and you still have a long
way to go is it really helpful for someone to tell you hey you've been at this for 10 hours
it's really not helpful um the other thing is sometimes your partner might ask how long
have we been here how long have we been at it how long have i been in labor i really suggest
not dwelling on those questions and maybe even answering them a little bit vaguely like
oh it's been a while or hey we're on our journey one step at a time hey do you want some water
by focusing on it and talking about it and thinking about the clock
um she gets out of that natural rhythm of coping with labor and sometimes can go uh more tendency
to go down a sort of a negative spiral when you start thinking about how long you've been at labor
how long you're still in it or how long you've been at the hospital so if it's an important
question that needs to be answered like how long has it been since the doctor came in here or
how long has it been since i had my antibiotics or something like that yes of course that kind of
time no problem but try not to yourself talk or focus on how much time things have taken
or how long things have taken or how long you've been at it because it's just not helpful
for anybody so there we have it five things for dads not to do when they are supporting in labor
and birth now if you want to find more great tips on what to do and strategies for being an
awesome partner again that link is below for the supporting her online course you'll also find some
links below to some freebies the birth agency of course just get in there and check it out
if you found this video useful give it a like and i will see you guys next time bye