-Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.
I'm Jimmy Fallon. Thank you so much for watching.
It's been a long and intense week in this country,
and I really do appreciate you guys tuning in.
And I know a lot of these conversations
are a little bit uncomfortable, but they need to be had,
and we're having them and we're going to continue to have them.
So thank you again for joining me in these conversations.
I think we have a very interesting and fun show
for you tonight.
The Senator from the great state of Vermont, Bernie Sanders,
is on the program this evening.
Also, she's the head of The King Center,
the C.E.O. of The King Center.
Her father is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.,
and her mom is Coretta Scott King.
Dr. Bernice King is here tonight to talk to us.
Also, the very funny Wyatt Cenac is on the show.
We'll close out the show with a performance from
Gary Clark Jr. and The Roots.
But, first, let's get to some news.
♪♪
Well, guys, a former member of President Trump's cabinet
is now speaking out against him.
That could be like one of 900 people,
but this one happened to be his former Defense Secretary,
General James Mattis.
In a statement, General Mattis said,
"Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime
who does not try to unite the American people,
does not even pretend to try.
Instead, he tries to divide us."
Trump saw that and was like,
"Why don't you be a man and tweet that to my face?"
That's right -- Trump denied he's trying to divide us.
Then he added more fencing between him and the protesters.
By the way, in case anyone forgot who General Mattis is,
here's a photo.
He looks like every Scooby-Doo villain
who just had his mask yanked off.
Yep, several members of the military are criticizing Trump.
At this point, the only military leaders
who support him are these guys.
It's sad -- even his beloved friend General Tso
has turned on him.
Well, as the nation continues to deal with
a pandemic and protests, it seems like
the walls are closing in on President Trump, literally.
-President Trump beefing up the physical barriers
between himself and between protesters.
Construction began before dawn on some additional fencing
for The White House complex.
-I personally think the fencing looks great.
I always said, "I wish The White House looked like
a Little League backstop."
I think the fence would work well, too,
unless protesters resort to the act of pushing.
Yep, Trump is trying to protect The White House.
He even ran around putting broken Christmas ornaments
under windows and tying rope to paint cans
that swing over the staircase.
"Keep the change, you filthy animals."
So far, Trump has turned off The White House lights,
hid in a bunker, and is now building
an ugly chain-link fence.
He's like every crazy neighbor rolled into one.
I think Trump has finally had enough,
'cause, yesterday he tweeted,
"I've done more for black Americans, in fact,
than any president in U.S. history,
with the possible exception of another Republican president,
the late, great Abraham Lincoln, and it's not even close."
Yeah, with the possible exception of Lincoln.
Yeah, sure.
He did -- I don't know what -- He did some things.
But me first, then maybe Lincoln did something.
But that is a real tweet, and it makes me wonder.
It's like, is there some connection between
Trump and Lincoln that I don't know?
So I have right here -- I printed out
the actual text of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.
And it turns out, the joke is on me.
Here it is, from 1863, the Gettysburg Address.
[ Clears throat ] ♪♪
"Four score and seven years ago, our fathers --
terrific people, fantastic fathers --
brought forth on this continent a new nation
conceived in liberty -- a beautiful thing, liberty --
and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal.
The most equal. Couldn't be more equal.
We were met on the great battlefield --
The great, classy field.
Everyone says it's really classy.
And we're going to dedicate it to those who gave their lives.
But, in a larger sense, we're going to dedicate it to me.
We'll put up a sign, a big, beautiful sign,
that says "Lincoln Field" in huge, gold letters
with a golf course and pro club and a cabana bar.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war,
and it's very unfair how I've been treated during this war.
The newspapers have not treated Lincoln nicely.
They've said nasty things, very nasty.
You don't see them saying those bad things about
Sleepy General Sherman or Creepy Custer.
Sad!
We here highly resolve that this nation under God --
great God, by the way, good friend of mine --
shall have a new birth of freedom,
especially when it comes to the second amendment.
Everyone has the freedom to fire a rifle,
place a new bullet, from a pouch, in the barrel,
bite off the end of the gunpowder pouch,
take out a long stick, shove all of that
down the barrel, and fire again.
And if people want to fire as many as one bullet
every three minutes, no government
should be able to stop them, not even the Lincoln government.
And that government of Lincoln, by Lincoln, for Lincoln
shall not perish from Earth.
Okay, if you need me, I'll be in my bunker."
Be best."
As if Trump isn't dealing with enough,
now social-media companies are starting to pile on.
-And we're learning right now that Snapchat
has apparently decided that it's not gonna promote
Donald Trump's pages, saying that
it's not gonna amplify voices that incite racial violence.
-When Trump heard the news, he puked a rainbow.
He was so mad.
He was like, "They didn't take down my dance challenge
off TikTok, did they?"
Finally, you guys we've been in quarantine for months,
and a lot of people are doing a lot more online shopping
without even really thinking.
Well, I heard about this new thing that you can download
that helps you put your money towards organizations
that make a difference.
Check it out.
-Are you a white person about to buy some dumb crap online
to distract yourself right now?
Has it occurred to you that maybe
you could donate that money instead?
You can, thanks to Hmm...You Can Do Better,
a new extension for Chrome that takes the money
you were going to spend on useless crap you don't need
and donates it to organizations fighting for racial justice.
About to buy a canvas that says
"Live, laugh, love," spelled out on seashells?
You're gonna donate instead.
Thinking you might actually need a Bluetooth avocado knife?
Ya don't. Donate instead.
Considering a moon crystal from your high-school friend
Kaitlyn's Facebook Marketplace page?
Yeah, you're going to be donating instead.
Also, you should check in on Kaitlyn.
She's clearly caught up in a pyramid scheme.
Thanks to Hmm...You Can Do Better,
you'll be turning your 3:00 a.m. Ambien-induced shopping sprees
into social justice in no time.
"But what if I want to buy a candle
shaped like a zebra and donate?", you might ask.
That's fine, but now you're gonna donate twice, Carol.
And if you're finding it hard to talk to your white relatives,
you can install the extension on their computers, too,
because Hmm...You Can Do Better is now compatible with
Yahoo!, AOL, and whatever the hell me.com is.
So next time your cousin Todd tries to buy
a 98-pound jug of protein powder that physically cannot
fit on any shelf and will sit on his kitchen floor
for three years, we'll be sure to tell him,
"Hmm...you can do better, Todd."
Hmm...You Can Do Better --
together, we can turn your bad taste into good action.
Okay, I got to go donate.