- Have you ever gotten caught having sex?
- Oh no, no.
Do, do I have to tell the story?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- Mom, don't watch this.
Are you two sexually active with each other?
According to my mom, no.
But actually yes.
- Yes.
- We are sexually active with each other.
Not each other's first.
- Our lasts.
- Our lasts, yeah.
- Yes, we are.
- Yes, absolutely.
- We were both sexually active before we met each other.
About a month into like officially dating
I think was when we became sexually active.
- [Both] No.
- We are in a open relationship,
but with each other,
it's more of a,
- Emotional relationship.
- Emotional.
- [Crew Member] Are you sexually active with other
people?
- [Both] Yes.
- We see eye to eye on everything.
- Yeah, and if there is a boundary we wanna set,
we'll just talk about it when it comes up.
- Yeah.
- Do your parents know you're sexually active?
Did you tell them?
Well, considering we got sex dice from his mom
I think they know.
- My mom does.
She knows that we're, like, safe.
- My parents don't know.
So I guess if they're watching this,
sorry about that.
I should've been more open to you.
- I haven't, like, talked with my mom about it
but she's been sort of like
not dropping hints but, like,
I open my desk drawer
and there's just like condoms in there,
and I'm like, "okay."
- I did not tell them.
Just saying the word sex is
too scary
for them
because I grew up Catholic.
I always had the thought that I would save my
virginity until marriage.
I did not have, like, the desire to have sex
until I
was dating Youong.
I think it's, like,
the best thing that I decide to, like, do this with him.
- Did you feel pressured to have sex?
- [Both] No.
No.
- That's a good question.
I would say the pressure for me was
to like have sex
by a certain time almost.
Because I didn't want to get, like,
too old and realize, like,
"oh my gosh, you know, I haven't done anything yet."
And like, it's gonna be so bad or nervous and stuff.
- Sure.
- I think if I could go back and tell myself, like, "dude
relax, like everything's gonna be fine.
Like you're not pressured to do anything."
- I no longer put pressure on myself to have sex.
When we first started out, I felt like,
like I felt like I would lose
his interest.
- Yeah.
I think I was, like, putting the pressure on myself
and maybe, like, rushing a little bit too much.
But it's fine.
Like, I learned from my mistakes and, like,
I'm, I'm moving on and yeah.
- Yeah.
- Have you ever gotten caught having sex?
- Oh, no, no.
- No.
I'm glad.
Oh my God.
- Thankfully, no.
- That would, no.
- Her little brother walked in
and was so awkward, like,
- Oh my God.
- And I'm pretty sure he, like, saw some stuff
he was not supposed to see at such an age.
- I kind of was, like, "are you okay?"
My siblings don't get, like, sex education from my parents.
So I feel like it's up to me to, like, tell them, like,
"you're not alone.
If you feel these, like, feelings."
- Do I have to tell the story?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- Mom don't watch this.
- I'm at school,
in college.
And I had told my roommate the night before
I clearly didn't make it clear enough.
But I was like, "do not come in."
Like, "please, we had already made arrangements
for you to sleep in a different room."
You know,
- He didn't even knock.
- No, he didn't.
- He just,
- He swiped the card,
- He just opened the door.
- He swiped the card and went it and then he was like,
"I need socks."
- Is sex always pleasurable?
Do you feel like you know what you're doing?
I think I know what I'm doing.
- I sure don't know what I'm doing.
That's not to say that I'm, like, bad at it.
It's just,
if it's something that I've never done before,
I have no clue.
- True.
I haven't had a non pleasurable experience
that I know of.
I've had some funny experiences.
- I have no clue what I'm doing.
I'll be honest.
My first time was with a girl.
- She was my first,
so, yeah.
- [Crew Member] It was your first experience with,
- With a guy, which,
yeah, it was like really new for me.
And I was like, oh, I was like, "okay.
Like, I guess this is how this works,"
but I do feel like it's enjoyable.
Especially with someone that you love and care about.
- It's enjoyable for me.
It's kind of, like, something that a lot
of people put a lot of emphasis on.
Like it should be like this perfect
like super romanticized, like idea or whatever.
But I, I mean,
it's always gonna be special to me no matter what.
- It's not going to feel like
a fireworks fairy tale moment
constantly.
- No, absolutely not.
- It is definitely a grow as you go
thing
for sure.
- And it really depends on the fit
and the person
to make sure if it's pleasurable or not.
- Do you know what you're doing?
- Yeah, I think so.
For the most part.
Yeah.
- It's not that hard.
- I hope so.
Maybe I'm doing it completely wrong
and I don't even know.
- I would probably tell you.
- Do you always practice safe sex?
Yes.
- Yes.
- Always.
- I got tested.
- Yes.
- Came back negative.
He got tested too.
So,
yeah.
I think that's really important,
especially like with like
gay guys, like, I don't know, like it's definitely
like pretty like relevant and like it's something
that should be talked about.
And also like, you should know your status, like really
- Yeah.
- For sure.
- It's not even just about condoms.
It's like, you gotta make sure about everything else.
- Yeah.
- We both don't really want like kids right now
'cause that's like a lot of responsibility, so, yeah.
- How do you know
you and your partner are ready?
I'm actually a diagnosed PTSD from sexual assault survivor.
And I was just kind of coming to terms with that diagnosis
right when I met David.
I kind of had to be open
with him about the whole thing
because I didn't really have a choice.
I don't know.
I, I feel like that's a very good strength we have now too.
But it was a very interesting way to start a relationship.
- Yeah.
- There's definitely a need to be like, "are we ready?"
And then you can figure it out that way.
- Exactly.
- It's, there's nothing wrong with, you know
absolute total verbal confirmation.
- For me, it was just kind of a thing that happened
but oh my God, that makes it sound like, you know
it makes it sound like I went to a bakery
and decided on a croissant, but, like,
- Not how you should choose your partners.
- Yeah.
Things were just kind of escalating.
So I was like, well, you know,
it seems kind of natural at this point.
- It's the comfortability and trust,
no matter how silly or stupid I look like it'll,
it will be totally fine.
We're all on this together.
- And I got pretty silly.
- Do you have access to birth control?
How did you ask your parents about it?
- I didn't ask my parents about it.
I just go to CVS right quick,
buy a condom or two.
- Buy a condom or two?
'Cause they sell them singularly?
I basically went to ask my mom
'cause I had like a really, really heavy period.
And she was like, "I guess we'll move on with that
when you're like closer to having sex."
And I was like,
- What about that?
- Before going to school
my mom talked to me about it
and she bought me a big Costco variety pack of condoms.
- Variety pack.
- Yeah.
It had like five different types and it was huge.
And I brought it to school with me.
- How did you ask your partner to have sex?
Was there a conversation we actually
like had the conversation over FaceTime
'cause I was really like shy
talking about sexual stuff.
I was able to kind of gather my thoughts and I mean like,
I could look away when I wanted to,
like I could just set my phone down and be like,
"okay, this is what I wanna say.
Like, this is what I wanna do."
So it was much easier that way.
- The first encounter was
a year?
- Yeah.
Probably, like, a year or two.
- A year.
And then penetrative was
like two?
- I think
the first time we had
like penetrative sex,
we like planned the day.
- Oh yeah.
We, oh,
that no, that one was planned.
It was like,
like Batman,
like planning stuff.
Like, like we're gonna go here, here, here.
We're gonna make sure nobody's here, here, here.
- It was super important to me
that David knew that just being
in a relationship wasn't
like automatic,
you know, consent.
- Yeah.
Checking in is key.
- Yeah.
Because I felt like I was definitely struggling
with being able to speak up.
- I mean like I feel like usually we like
do like a quick little like, yes?
- Check in.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yes.
- I ask him.
I just like, "Hey, do you wanna have sex today?"
Or when we're kissing,
I don't assume that he wants to have sex.
Like when we're just making out.
We just like ask like, "do you wanna continue?
Do you wanna do this?
- Yeah.
It's very, she's very direct.
- Are you okay with this?
- Like very, very direct.
I don't, eating Cheetos or something.
She'll ask you like, "Hey, do you want to?"
I'm, like, "Sure, why not?"
- [Crew Member] Is like physicality
important to you guys at all?
- Her love language is physical touch
and mine is not.
Then over time I kind of got used to it
but we definitely had to have like a few talks.
- It's not like physical as in like
holding hands or cuddling.
It's more like laying on top of each other.
- Yeah.
- Just stupid things like that.
- [Crew Member] What is something that you wish
you had learned in sex ed growing up?
- I wish they talked about
not necessarily the act of doing it,
but rather the stuff that leads up to it.
The stuff that
you need to talk to your partner about.
- I feel like people shame girls,
especially in high school and middle school,
they're slut shamed
and said like "that's wrong" or "that's like nasty"
and it's not at all.
And it's very like normal for
girls and women to have sexual feelings
- In middle school,
I, I, I was, I don't think I was ever taught the difference
between gender and sex and so,
- Oh, yeah, no.
- And so, why it's not part of health education.
I have no clue.
- I feel like better sex education
would allow for like less teen pregnancies.
And I wish I learned about like the LGBT community in there,
'cause like I'm a queer woman
and I almost felt like a part of me was kind of left out.
- I mean obviously no one,
not everyone wants to learn about like,
homosexual relationships of course
because like not everyone,
most people aren't.
But we feel, I feel like they should have like
an optional thing that you could,
- Yeah.
- Just learn just to know.
- I had to like resort to a lot of stuff online
that they didn't even like talk about like,
it's a whole new world.
Like Aladdin was right.
Like it's a whole new world.
- They should do something in school
but I just
don't have an answer on how they should do it.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- Cause it's really hard to figure out.
- But I have to sit through this straight sex stuff.
So you know what?
- True.
- I, yeah.