To me, this is just a job.
People could look at me and think I’m daft, but end of the day, overall, I’m just making
a living.
My name’s Alfie, I’m 18.
I’m from Clitheroe, born and bred here.
I’ve got a tandem push iron and I go around doing odd jobs for the local people of Clitheroe.
I can fit more on that pushbike than you can in a bloody van – and you think I’m lying.
Hi Margaret!
You alright?
I’ve got a job to do today.
It’s – it’s not major it’s only a three-piece sofa.
I’ve had a few in me time like.
I’ve worked for quite a few people now in me time and I just kept getting fired.
So I thought right if I set up by myself, I can’t sack myself, so who’s gonna sack
me?
And now here I am – happy as Larry.
These three-piece sofas, I can get about 15 quid for taking this I would’ve thought,
and then maybe a fiver for the rabbit cage if I’m lucky.
Me plan is I’m gonna do a bit of Chinese takeaway.
So I’ll go to Chinese, get ‘em a takeaway and take it to their house cos nowhere in
Clitheroe do a Chinese takeaway.
So that’s me plan to do that.
I never got picked on, cos I’ve always had like a kind of personality where people would
never pick on you.
It’s just – they give you a funny look.
I don’t mind that, I get it when I walk out front door.
Even fucking pigeons laugh at me when I’m walking past.
They think “Oh god him ohh”.
Fuck em.
I got diagnosed with ADHD but I don’t think diagnosing someone is a very nice thing to
do.
It’s kinda putting a label on someone saying “you’re this” but actually you’re
not.
I wouldn’t – I wouldn’t say I were different, I would just say that I’ve got – I’ve
got a different way around it.
It’s an odd world and I guess people understand it in different ways.
That’ll do wont it that?
Life is bollocks.
It is.
What I’m talking now is bollocks.
You going up town?
I can give you a lift if you want.
I can put dog in back.
What’s dog called?
Toby.
Eh-oh.
Bloody hell.
Come here dog.
I’ve always – I’ve always struggled with me speech since I was a little kid.
I didn’t start speaking til I were 5 year old, and they started kind of panicking my
parents but now I won’t fucking shut up.
It’s – it’s kinda different like but the way I’ve overcome with me speech and
everything is speaking to different people and it’s made me overcome my stutters.
I still stutter now, but never as much as bad as I used to.
I think – I think you’ve got it right here mate.
Yeah.
Absolutely cock on.
The kind of things I were faced with was going to the shop for a Curly Wurly and paying for
it.
I just – I’d freeze at the counter.
I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t say a word.
I’m alright now though.
I never had any GCSEs or fuck all.
In school they side “Right come on, let’s do a bit of French.”
And I’d be like “Hold on a minute I can’t even do English yet so.”
The only thing I came out of school wi were a fucking hard on.
That’s it, it’s just how it were.
Proper job, proper job.
But – but I’m making a living.
You know what I mean?
It’s not the be all end all.
Anyone can get a job it’s just getting up off your arse and going finding a job.
That’s – you know what – that’s the hardest part is finding it.
Doing it?
That’s a piece of piss.
Potholes: can’t fucking stand them.
They’re all around Clitheroe so I bought myself a tin of paint and I’m spraying all
the potholes because I’ve gone through four inner tubes in this week.
I tell you what, there’s plenty more to go!
That slows me down in my work.
I can’t have that.
I have sprayed every single pothole round Clitheroe and within three or four days they’ve
been filled in.
Me parents they do laugh at me a lot and I don’t think me grandma understands fully
what I do.
“What’s crack with that bloody bike again?”
All the time “Grandma grandma you see, it’s what I do for a living.”
“Oh get away – you look daft.”
“I don’t look daft I just do what I do.”
You know what I mean?
And they’re proud of me and they might think “He’s a fucking raging lunatic but he’s
happy.”
Just til we’re going.
If someone were to say to me “Do you want a real job?”
I wouldn’t be offended by it because I can understand where they’re coming from.
It doesn’t look like a real job cos – cos it’s kind of a laugh for em.
Making people happy, for me, makes my job just that little bit better.
They do absolutely love it and – it puts – it don’t just put a smile on my face
it puts a smile on their face as well.
Excuse me, was that - We don’t know who it belongs to because it won’t stop following
me.
Go on, jump in trailer.
Oh shit, sorry.
Come on, come on doggy.
Alright?
Nice one Alfie.
No problem.
See you later.
It’s a motto but it’s not, it’s TWAT: tandem with a trailer, but it spells twat
and when I say that people laugh at me but.
I do not know anywhere like Clitheroe.
Everyone’s friendly and people in Clitheroe, they are spot on.
I’m just myself, but that’s best way to be isn’t it?
Daft as a brush – and I like that.
That’s best thing to be, is daft.
We all grow up and we all do our own things.
We all take our own paths.
We all grow up and then our kids do the same.
And it just goes on and on and on.
But that, that’s the best thing about living, is that view.
That’s what I mean, they could fucking clean that you know what I mean?
That’s just disrespectful.
Lone solider there just stood there, shit right down back of his neck.