- I believe that vulnerability
is literally the most attractive quality,
that is the most underrated quality right now in society,
but one of the most refreshing qualities
that someone can have
to really attract someone that resonates with them,
somebody that resonates at a deep level.
Here's the thing, right now in society, as you look around,
there's so much surface level B.S.
It's all surface level stuff.
It's people kind of dancing around
the depths of who they are,
that are kind of havin' small talk, small conversation,
that are afraid to show who they really are
because they're afraid of rejection or validation,
and therefore, it's surface level relationships.
If you want to attract someone at a deep level,
somebody with depth,
somebody that you feel like
you have a form of deep connection with,
then the best thing you can actually do
is to be more vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is the most attractive thing you can do,
and the most attractive way of being.
It has completely transformed my life,
and it has attracted to me
people that I really resonate with at a deep level.
Now, first off, you might be asking, what is vulnerability?
Vulner-ability?
The word vulner means wound,
and the word ability is the ability to go into the wound,
the ability to show the aspects of yourself
that you may normally not show
because there's an afraid of being rejected.
And that's a lotta times what happens when we grow up.
We go through conditioning growing up,
where we're led to believe
that we need people's approval and validation,
and if we don't get it,
then what we do is we believe we must change ourself
and only show certain aspects of ourself,
so that we can get that approval and validation.
So it's like that surface level stuff I'm talkin' about.
And that sometimes also reverts
to people that change themselves to make other people happy
or to get other people's validation.
So it's like, "What kind of food do you like?"
And they're like, "Oh, I like Chinese food."
And you're like, "Yeah, me too, Chinese food's great."
And it's kinda like this tuning to where it's like,
if you were to actually like
not like Chinese food or something,
you'd be afraid to share that.
You'd be afraid to share that just because,
oh, what if they reject?
What they're offended by it?
Does it mean I'm racist?
Does it mean I'm prejudiced or something?
There's all these fears that come up
with just expressing something,
that social conditioning wise,
there may be some type of fear there
because you wanna fit within a little box.
Now, let's also look at this.
Now, for me, the way this played out in my life
and the way this completely transformed my life,
is a few years ago, and even now at certain levels,
there's levels to this,
to where I'm becoming more and more vulnerable
to where I express, as things come up in the moment,
how I feel.
Now, this doesn't mean, by the way,
vulnerability doesn't mean necessarily
that you're going and you're crying
and complaining to everyone, like,
"You're not doing this thing I want you to do.
"Now, I'm being vulnerable."
What it means is you express your emotions
from like a grounded place,
so if somebody does something
that makes you feel a certain way,
instead of like bottling it up and suppressing it,
you're able to actually express it.
The vulnerability in my own life,
the way this played out is back like three years ago,
back in like 2020,
I was really going through this phase
of shedding the nice guy people-pleaser persona,
where I realized that there were times
I would hold myself back from being vulnerable,
from expressing the real me,
for setting boundaries with people
that it felt like the energy balance was off.
And I would realize that in my dating relationships,
when I would date women,
it was like there was,
I would start to like get to know them,
and then there was like I would kind of change myself
because there was like a desire
for their validation or approval.
And I realized eventually just how inauthentic it was,
and then secondly,
how it would like actually depolarize the sexual polarity
because I was changing myself to make someone else happy.
There were times I remember.
One of my past girlfriends, actually,
there was a moment when I was shedding this,
where I decided, you know what,
I'm not gonna play into this,
and I'm just gonna be the real me.
Because this person that was coming
was like publicly known as like a vegan,
somebody that like doesn't eat meat,
or is very like, just eats certain foods.
You guys know what vegan is.
Many of you are probably vegan, honestly.
But what happened was, I was vegan a long time ago,
and a lotta people watch my videos
just assume that I am vegan
because like I make spiritual content or something,
and I guess those go hand in hand.
But basically what happened is, I am not vegan,
and what happened is this person was coming to my house
to meet for the first time, and as they were comin' over,
I remember thinkin' to myself like, do I only eat?
Do I have this person come over,
and I eat a vegan meal with them because they're vegan?
And I remember thinkin' to myself like, do I want that?
Do I wanna eat vegan food?
And I realized, no, I don't.
And then what I realized was like,
well, if this person doesn't accept the real me
or doesn't like that aspect of myself,
then it's not gonna work anyways.
And by real me, I mean like what I choose to do in my life
and accept me for how I am.
So what happened is, as this person was comin' over,
I got them a whole bunch of like vegan food
so that they could eat
because they were comin' later at night
when the restaurants were closed.
And when this happened, I then just decided,
I'm just gonna be the real me
and express like and eat what I want to eat.
And the funny thing was is by doing that,
it was more attractive
than me pretending to be someone I wasn't.
So, and maybe in a way, it was a little bit more polarizing,
because it was like, yes, showing the real aspect of myself,
that honestly could have, like this person could.
There are are vegan people out there that are like,
"I will not date somebody that eats meat."
And there was like a fear there.
What if that's the case?
And I like accepted it.
I was like, well, if that's the case, then that's the case.
I'm not gonna pretend to be someone I'm not.
Vulnerability also means showing, for me.
For like me shedding that whole nice guy persona
like three years ago,
part of it too was I was afraid to show sexual intent.
So like if I was meeting someone I was attracted to,
instead of being like touchy feely
or like showing them that I'm attracted to them,
I would like hold myself back.
And then what would happen is it was almost like,
they would then wonder
whether I was actually attracted to them or not,
and it was this dynamic that would like depolarize
the sexual aspect of a relationship.
So eventually I decided, I was like, wait,
one, it's not authentic for me to hold myself back
from like actually showing authentic intention,
if I'm attracted to someone.
So instead, what I did is,
that was when I began actually
just being natural with myself
and showing that aspect of myself,
really owning my own masculinity
and expressing to someone how I felt,
if I was attracted to them.
Completely changed the dynamics.
And from that point going forward,
as I started to lean into that, 'cause the fear is,
oh, if I do that, then somehow I'm gonna be rejected,
or there's gonna be some form of feeling not enough
or some type of emotion there.
But it's vulnerable, and vulnerability is a superpower.
And what I realized too is just,
as I would express even before meeting someone,
but actually expressing that level,
like attraction in general, I could just tell was so,
like it does polarize people one way or the other,
where they have to decide like,
oh, do I like this person this way or do I not?
You are basically with vulnerability giving someone,
asking someone to make a choice
whether they like you or not, even just as friends.
Even if it's just like not romantic,
but you're like meeting other,
like if I was meetin' other dudes
or other like guy friends, right, that I meet,
and it's like, oh, do I say this?
Like, there's been times.
For example, one time I was at this place
here in Austin getting IVs,
and there was this guy there that had been on Joe Rogan,
who was inside this room,
and we were all getting IVs.
And he was a cool guy, and we were all talkin',
and I could tell he's more,
he owns a company that was like stem cells,
somethin' to do with stem cells or something like that.
And I'm sittin' there,
and I'm talkin' to him
and like two other friends that I'm with,
and it's this like community area.
And he was talkin' about stem cells,
and I genuinely had a question
or something I wanted to add to the conversation.
I was interested in this idea that popped in my mind,
like, okay, stem cells,
they get stem cells from like babies
and like the umbilical cords and moms and stuff like that,
and then they harvest it in a certain way
and they inject it in people.
And I had a genuine question.
My question or the thought I had was,
okay, you talk about everything is energy,
and there's like ancestral energy in our cells, right,
like cells have memory.
Is there a difference in quality
from the stem cells of somebody
that maybe has been through a lot of trauma
or maybe has a shitty diet
compared to the stem cells of somebody
that has maybe a more positive relationship with healing
or something like that and maybe eats healthier?
And like, is there a way to like,
'cause if I were to put stem cells in my body,
you're literally putting someone else's cells in your body
and that's becoming you,
I would kind of like wanna know what the energy of that was.
What is the epigenetics of that?
Like, that was my thought,
but I almost held myself back from sharing this,
'cause I was like, well this is kind of esoteric concept,
what if it's kinda weird?
Well, I remember sitting there thinking about,
well, the old me would've just not said anything
because what if it's weird?
I'm this like spiritual dude
that like has these esoteric concepts,
but I was like, you know what, screw it.
So I was there and and I was talking,
and I was like, "What about this?"
And I just kind of explained that whole thing.
And the guy was like, "Interesting," he was like,
"I never thought of it like that before."
And he was like,
it was an actual like interesting aspect
to the conversation to add.
And I could tell, not that this like all of a sudden,
like there was like light that came outta the sky,
and it was like, oh, I am worthy now everyone respects me.
But I could tell in general,
that there was like more of like an interest
of like respect and connection there, 'cause I was like,
oh, this person actually has like an interesting idea.
And it could have been where he thought of like,
that's frickin' weird, nerd, or somethin' like that.
Like that could have happened, but it didn't.
I was just expressing what the real me was
and what I really thought was, and in an interesting way,
when I've done this with people
where there's like this thing
that tries to hold myself back,
but when I do it anyways,
I notice there's people that literally respect you more,
even if they don't agree, even if they don't agree.
It will, vulnerability by the way,
will shoot people away from you that don't mess with you.
That's okay.
I remember when things were happening
in the beginning of 2020,
and I posted some of my ideas
about like certain perspectives,
certain esoteric perspectives
about some things that were happening,
and I had a friend from high school
that like unfollowed me on all my accounts.
Like I knew this dude for like 10 years,
and we weren't like really close friends,
but we were like in a friend group,
and it was like this person
didn't like my perspective on something,
so just completely shut me out on all levels.
And I remember in the moment I was like,
oh wow, is there somethin' wrong with me?
Oh wow, like this feels weird.
Like how could this,
like I even though I have a different perspective,
we could still be friends.
But then I realized, it's okay.
There are people that may not mess with you
after you show the real you.
That's not a problem.
What you're doing is you're allowing yourself
to repel the people
that don't mess with that aspect of yourself,
and you attract in even stronger,
the people that really do connect with you.
And this is why also vulnerability is so powerful,
because when you lead with vulnerability,
you allow other people to open up to be the real them.
I can't tell you how many times
I've led with vulnerability in my relationships,
whether it's romantic or even family or even friends.
I'm like, "You know what, when this happened,
"it made me feel this way,"
and it results in us either being closer,
or it results in either somebody
that maybe doesn't wanna meet that level of vulnerability
and maybe they kinda fall out.
That's okay too.
I've had that happen recently,
where I had to have a vulnerable conversation
with someone about something,
and I was hoping, the intention was,
oh, we're gonna have this vulnerable talk,
and we're gonna like grow closer even if we don't agree.
And with this person what happened is
there was a vulnerability there,
and this person didn't like that vulnerability,
and they didn't even wanna talk about it,
and they just dipped out.
And that's okay too.
I realized that's a blessing, not a blessing like,
screw you, you can't be deep.
But it was like, it showed me exactly
what I thought was the case.
I was like, I'm gonna bring this up to this person,
and they're not gonna be able to handle it,
and they're gonna dip out, and that's what happened.
And that's okay,
because it's okay to have a standard for a level of depth,
that when you lead with, if other people can't meet it,
it's not your problem.
It's you saying to the universe,
"I only want depth in my life."
Not that you can't have surface level things, you can,
but when you lead with vulnerability,
you allow people to see the real you.
Now, let's also clarify this.
It takes vulnerability to ask somebody out.
If you go up to somebody, and you're attracted to them,
and you tell them, "I'd like to go out with you,"
or, "how about we go do this,"
or, "how about we go do that, or whatever?"
It's gonna polarize them one way or the other.
However, it takes vulnerability to even say that,
and by saying that, it is attractive one way or the other.
It's never a loss.
So realize that what happens is,
I think empathic people, spiritual people,
they're afraid of tension,
and the tension is giving someone the option
to know whether they mess with you or not,
whether they are willing to go
to that level of vulnerability with you or not.
And if not, it's okay.
You're makin' it easier for you
to meet the real people that mess with you.
When you also, if they leave,
then you kinda have,
or if they if they don't mess with it,
they don't resonate with it, it's not like they left you,
and there's gonna be a whole story to this.
But realize, when you know,
you then make room for someone else to come in
that can meet you at that level of vulnerability.
But if you hold onto things that don't serve you,
you block that flow from actually coming into your life.
This can happen with friendships
that maybe just don't resonate anymore.
Holding onto them is holding onto an energy
that is keeping that thread in your life.
This could happen with having ex-relationships,
where you haven't let go yet.
And guess what?
You're blocking the flow
from actually coming into your life.
But when you start leading with vulnerability,
knowing it's who you are,
you're going to both repel people
that can't meet you at that level,
and you're going to attract people that can.
So don't be afraid to give people the option
to make a choice
whether they really mess with the real you or not.
There's these 21 day challenges I do,
and they're like containers of 2, 3, 4,000 people sometimes,
where we all go through a process together over 21 days.
And normally, part of it is like people go
and they do what's called a vulnerability challenge,
where they go and they reach out
to someone they haven't talked to in awhile,
or they express something to someone on their family
or to their partner or their loved one
or their boyfriend/girlfriend.
And when they do,
something they know they should say,
but they've been holding themselves back from saying.
And when they do this,
when they go and they either write this person a letter
or they talk to this person, it is so powerful.
Holy shit.
It is like, like the 20,
at the Shift Experience Live event
that I did not that long ago.
One thing that people had the option to do
was a vulnerability challenge
as a part of this thing to break outta their comfort zone.
And one of them was reach out to your dad,
if he's like still around, and say,
"Dad, can you tell me that you're proud of me?"
Like ask, you can literally ask your dad
to tell you they're proud of you,
and that'll bring up stuff,
'cause maybe they don't wanna do it,
and then you could feel that,
or maybe you don't wanna ask them for it
because you don't feel like
that's a comfortable conversation to have.
But the interesting thing is
is when you have a conversation like that, it opens up.
I've heard amazing stories where people like,
"I've grown closer to my dad than ever,
"just from that one statement,"
and it like opens something up.
I know with my own dad,
from some of the stuff that happened in my childhood,
there's times I mention or I have conversations with him,
'cause I can tell that sometimes he questions
whether he's a good dad or not.
And I've had conversations with him before,
where I express to him just how I feel about him
and like certain things,
forgiveness for certain things that happen in childhood
with like different things
with not feeling protected and stuff.
It opened up so much energy,
and I've seen like people in my life cry
because of this kind of things,
and it just releases so much,
and you feel so much more depth.
It's so transformative to do.
It's so, I know it's not like the most,
you say vulnerability, and it's not the most sexy word.
A lotta people are afraid of it,
but realize, shame hides in the dark.
That's what vulnerability is,
is it's shining light on the things
that you're afraid you're gonna get rejected for,
so if you actually show that side of yourself,
it actually attracts people to you.
And honestly, so many people that watch my videos
have been attracted to my energy
because of my vulnerability.
If you're attracted to my videos,
like this video if this is true for you.
You watch my videos, I share something
that's honestly maybe kind of embarrassing.
In the beginning of this video,
I said that in 2020,
I had to shed the nice guy people-pleaser persona,
that's kind of embarrassing.
It's like there's a part of somebody
that had that personality like construct,
that's like doesn't wanna that with people
because it's embarrassing.
The nice guy persona is embarrassing persona.
But because I had the courage to share it,
you may actually feel more connected to me
because I'm not afraid to share that.
I've shared before
me having like emotional availability issues,
having trouble like feeling emotionally available
in partnership or committing in a relationship or.
I share these things on my YouTube channel,
and it's not cool stuff to share,
but guess what ends up happening?
You probably, maybe parts of that vulnerable share,
makes you feel connected.
I know when I meet people in public
or people that recognize me from my videos,
they remember the stories that I share that were vulnerable,
and that's what made them feel connected.
So, that's an example.
People are attracted to people that are vulnerable
because vulnerable is real.
Maybe some people that aren't attracted to that
like reject certain aspects of themselves
that are vulnerable, who knows?
I'm just saying vulnerability is attractive.
Vulnerability is magnetic.
It allows you to attract deeper relationships in your life.
And holding yourself back
is just staying in the surface level bubble
that maybe has been created,
so that you can get your needs met from childhood.
And one thing that'll shift everything
is when you start focusing more
on valuing vulnerability and authenticity
over validation and approval.
Being vulnerable, it's who you choose to be,
not because of what it'll get you.
I can say right now,
being vulnerable will get you the woman of your dreams
or the dude of your dreams to come into your life.
And I can say that, but it's like now, it's a tactic.
Okay, I'm gonna be vulnerable.
"Hey, when I was seven this happened,
"are you attracted to me?"
No, that's not how it works.
All right, you're being vulnerable
because it's who you choose to be.
You're being vulnerable because it's real,
if it calls in the moment.
You don't have to try to be vulnerable.
Like, okay, I'm now gonna share
the most deepest, darkest secret,
so that people resonate with me.
No, this is in the moment,
when there's something that comes up
where you normally hold yourself back.
Instead, you can express it.
If you're starting to date someone
and you start having feelings,
you can express that.
You say, "Oh, I really enjoy spending time with you,"
or, "I feel really good when I'm around you," or something.
Maybe normally you would never say that.
You see, like that is attractive,
to be vulnerable and to express your true heart
and to show this side of yourself.
Even though you could get rejected, it's okay,
because you're gonna repel
that which does not resonate with you at a deep level,
and you're gonna attract the things that actually do.
And also, if you wanna remove the blocks
to becoming the most magnetic and confident version of you,
I have the 21-day Confidence Love Challenge
for removing the vulnerability blocks,
becoming emotionally available,
feeling safe in your own frame,
and feeling confident from the inside out.
Join this 21 day process and watch how it changes your life.